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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it was my curry?!

567 replies

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:12

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

OP posts:
Toothfairy89 · 05/01/2026 15:19

mydogisthebest · 05/01/2026 15:01

It was HALF a curry and the rest of the leftovers were not from the indian meal so no reason whatsoever to think the small portion of curry was to share.

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It's still a part of general leftovers? HALF a curry or not.

It's not particularly usual to serve one pot of "leftovers" for guests and another pot of "leftovers" for the host and then moan that the guests didn't know which items of "leftovers" were for them

Factsoverfiction · 05/01/2026 15:11

He smelt it being warmed up. Likely had no idea what was left from the previous evening. Wrongly assumed there was enough to share. Made a poor joke (which may have been found slightly amusing had they all not outstayed their welcome). I think they were all a bit tight and a bit lazy but I can’t see an issue with him not immediately realising the curry he could smell was out of bounds.

mydogisthebest · 05/01/2026 15:01

Toothfairy89 · 05/01/2026 13:13

To be honest if someone said they were serving up leftovers from the last few days, and started reheating a curry that was leftover from the day before, I would assume that was part of said leftovers. I would find it a bit odd if the host ate the leftover curry and didn't share even if it had been theirs the day before.

Having said that I would have paid for the takeaway, and wouldn't have pushed you on it if you said you wanted it just for you

It was HALF a curry and the rest of the leftovers were not from the indian meal so no reason whatsoever to think the small portion of curry was to share.

Coco64 · 05/01/2026 14:00

I agree. That is why I live in a 2 bedroom flat

I feel they all took advantage of your good nature

Factsoverfiction · 05/01/2026 13:59

You can’t really blame him for not knowing what leftovers were for sharing and what weren’t. Leftovers are leftovers.

Coco64 · 05/01/2026 13:59

Agreed- small house with one other bedroom is a good idea

TinyTear · 05/01/2026 13:54

Jesus Christ, some people here sound like my grandmother (who would have been over 100 this year) -

if you eat all the food and clean the plates - OH NO you must be hungry, poor you i didn't cook enough, need to make more next time

if you don't finish the giant portion in front of you - OH NO you hated it, was it not good? what can i change for next time, sorry

@Lolabear38 you were more than generous and it was your curry. especially as you say he wanted while with a full plate of food already

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/01/2026 13:53

Factsoverfiction · 05/01/2026 13:46

Because it was leftover and they were having leftovers.

It was left over from her share of the curry though. Everyone else had their curries to themselves.

Factsoverfiction · 05/01/2026 13:46

Because it was leftover and they were having leftovers.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/01/2026 13:21

Toothfairy89 · 05/01/2026 13:13

To be honest if someone said they were serving up leftovers from the last few days, and started reheating a curry that was leftover from the day before, I would assume that was part of said leftovers. I would find it a bit odd if the host ate the leftover curry and didn't share even if it had been theirs the day before.

Having said that I would have paid for the takeaway, and wouldn't have pushed you on it if you said you wanted it just for you

Why was it only OP's the day before and suddenly a free for all the day after?

Toothfairy89 · 05/01/2026 13:17

Lolabear38 · 05/01/2026 04:45

Gosh. We’re still on this?

DH is a terrible cook. He can of course follow a recipe but for a variety of reasons, I’ve never liked any food he’s made me… ever. He doesn’t enjoy any aspect of cooking and it’s either over cooked, burnt, not cooked enough, or I just don’t like it. I do like cooking and I’m pretty good at it - so in our relationship, I do all of the cooking. I’m happy because I enjoy doing it and I like the food I make, he’s happy because he doesn’t have to do it and he enjoys the food I make. I could try and get him to do more cooking - he’d hate it and I would be miserable eating food I don’t like when I could be eating food I do like. Where’s the sense in that?!

In place of cooking, he balances the scales in many different ways including cleaning all the bathrooms (a job I hate and he doesn’t mind) and doing the bulk of the laundry (consisting of sorting clothes into colour, washing, drying, ironing and putting away - he’s a lot more thorough than I would ever be). We both play to our strengths - it’s team work and how this looks varies from marriage to marriage and that’s ok. He and I both do many other jobs/ take on responsibilities as well as cooking and cleaning/ laundry.

This is what works for us, in our relationship and it’s an arrangement that we’re both happy with. I’m genuinely bemused that some people can’t get their heads around it.

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I think it's fine to share tasks, but it is quite a hard concept to grasp that an adult of 40+ years has never learnt basic cooking skills. In all their 45 years he's never managed to make say a basic pasta and sauce combo without over or under cooking. He obviously can't follow a recipe if he's not succeeded in the above

Toothfairy89 · 05/01/2026 13:13

To be honest if someone said they were serving up leftovers from the last few days, and started reheating a curry that was leftover from the day before, I would assume that was part of said leftovers. I would find it a bit odd if the host ate the leftover curry and didn't share even if it had been theirs the day before.

Having said that I would have paid for the takeaway, and wouldn't have pushed you on it if you said you wanted it just for you

Fatchilli99 · 05/01/2026 12:58

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/01/2026 06:19

I’d just say “Lola is all shared out, but you are welcome to treat her to curry any time you please” and eat it in front of him with gusto. Rude.

My thoughts exactly.

Muffinmam · 05/01/2026 12:57

Your guest was a greedy pig!!

Who was staying with you? Was it your in-laws? Never ever have them visit again.

booksnbaking · 05/01/2026 12:54

Late reply, but I wanted to share my DH’s very emphatic view, just in case there was a men/women divide.
After a bit of don’t-mess-with-me claim-staking on my part over a heel of panettone, I remembered this thread and gave DH a précis. His IMMEDIATE reply was “Bloody cheek!” and that OP is entitled to eat her leftover curry at any time, anywhere, in any company, without subterfuge or skulking. Also that Mr Manchild deserved a right verbal slapdown for bad-mannered entitlement.

I was impressed. (But he still didn’t get the panettone.)

HomeTheatreSystem · 05/01/2026 12:44

Why should OP 's half of the curry she ordered be fair game for communal leftovers just because she didn't want to end up overstuffed by eating it all in one go. Why does her way of eating (not greedy) mean she has to sacrifice her leftover meal to someone who is greedy. Unbelievably bad manners to accuse your host of not sharing when they've fed you generously for 5 days, bought a takeaway too, washed up after you and all you've done in return is pay for a pub lunch? Yuk.

Cherrytree86 · 05/01/2026 12:18

Changename12 · 05/01/2026 12:05

Yes, but I would guess that most people posting on this thread are not Asian.
I used to have a good friend who was Asian and she was constantly complaining about her guests, from abroad, sponging from her and said she just had to put up with it because it was her culture. She had one particular set of relatives stay and they were using all her saffron as they were over for a ceremony. She had to keep replacing it.

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@Happilyobtuse

yeah, he wasn’t hungry, he was greedy. Ick.

diddl · 05/01/2026 12:08

I can’t imagine eating my leftover curry while someone else looked on hungrily.

He wasn't looking on hungrily.

He already had a plateful of food.

He just fancied Op's takeaway that she hadn't finished the night before.

Changename12 · 05/01/2026 12:05

Happilyobtuse · 04/01/2026 23:21

I often host similar to you and yes I think it would have been nice of them to pay for the meal since you hosted them for so many days. But I do find your behaviour odd, culturally, I’m asian and guests are treated like God, so we would put all the food out and see that our guests have enough and then only serve ourselves. We always refer to this as “family hold back”, in case any particular dish for some reason is very popular with guests or for some reason is smaller in quantity than other items on the menu. I can’t imagine eating my leftover curry while someone else looked on hungrily. It’s very rude behaviour!

Yes, but I would guess that most people posting on this thread are not Asian.
I used to have a good friend who was Asian and she was constantly complaining about her guests, from abroad, sponging from her and said she just had to put up with it because it was her culture. She had one particular set of relatives stay and they were using all her saffron as they were over for a ceremony. She had to keep replacing it.

Differentforgirls · 05/01/2026 11:58

Lolabear38 · 05/01/2026 04:45

Gosh. We’re still on this?

DH is a terrible cook. He can of course follow a recipe but for a variety of reasons, I’ve never liked any food he’s made me… ever. He doesn’t enjoy any aspect of cooking and it’s either over cooked, burnt, not cooked enough, or I just don’t like it. I do like cooking and I’m pretty good at it - so in our relationship, I do all of the cooking. I’m happy because I enjoy doing it and I like the food I make, he’s happy because he doesn’t have to do it and he enjoys the food I make. I could try and get him to do more cooking - he’d hate it and I would be miserable eating food I don’t like when I could be eating food I do like. Where’s the sense in that?!

In place of cooking, he balances the scales in many different ways including cleaning all the bathrooms (a job I hate and he doesn’t mind) and doing the bulk of the laundry (consisting of sorting clothes into colour, washing, drying, ironing and putting away - he’s a lot more thorough than I would ever be). We both play to our strengths - it’s team work and how this looks varies from marriage to marriage and that’s ok. He and I both do many other jobs/ take on responsibilities as well as cooking and cleaning/ laundry.

This is what works for us, in our relationship and it’s an arrangement that we’re both happy with. I’m genuinely bemused that some people can’t get their heads around it.

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People on here are weird about happy relationships OP.

BunnyLake · 05/01/2026 11:46

mydogisthebest · 05/01/2026 11:03

Terrible attitude to be so wasteful and seemingly proud of it

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There’s nowt so queer as folk, as the old saying goes.

Next time I think about eating my leftovers I’ll check with family, friends and neighbours in a two mile radius first before indulging in my selfish wants.

Twinkletoes127 · 05/01/2026 11:37

Cherrytree86 · 05/01/2026 11:31

@Twinkletoes127

but there WILL be waste though if you view a clean plate as a sign they need more food. You’ll keep going putting more food out until inevitably they have more some food left on their plate that they are too stuffed to finished. And you keep that for leftover, it would be unhygienic as it’s been sat on someone’s used dinner plate.

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No, this doesn't happen. People only take what they want. If they make a miscalculation and leave some, thats ok. There will always be scraps in any meal, and if people always eat everything in front of them, instead of stopping when full, they would just get fat. Thats not the case in my house. All normal height, weight and BMI

Cherrytree86 · 05/01/2026 11:31

Twinkletoes127 · 05/01/2026 11:16

No, not at all, it all goes in the fridge, is used for the next few days, lunches, snacks, added to other meals etc.
For example, let's say a few bowls of chicken quarters, served with chips, salad, cold cuts etc, all of that can be used the next day if any is left over. Chicken stew, soup, nothing is wasted.
To the second bit, I would never serve onto someone's plate. It all goes in the middle xx

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@Twinkletoes127

but there WILL be waste though if you view a clean plate as a sign they need more food. You’ll keep going putting more food out until inevitably they have more some food left on their plate that they are too stuffed to finished. And you keep that for leftover, it would be unhygienic as it’s been sat on someone’s used dinner plate.

Twinkletoes127 · 05/01/2026 11:22

Bjorkdidit · 05/01/2026 11:18

Clean plates to me means there wasn't enough food

I realise it might be cultural but most people don't think like that (more the opposite, they're getting full and there's a bit left but they think they might as well finish it) and your friends probably view you as an annoying feeder if you keep foisting more food on them when they've had enough.

I understand what you are saying, but you missed the part where everyone can choose what they eat and tje amount. Thats entirely up to that person. If someone gets annoyed because I make an 8 portion Lasagna and put it in the middle to eat, or dont, then thats a bit weird.

Bjorkdidit · 05/01/2026 11:18

Clean plates to me means there wasn't enough food

I realise it might be cultural but most people don't think like that (more the opposite, they're getting full and there's a bit left but they think they might as well finish it) and your friends probably view you as an annoying feeder if you keep foisting more food on them when they've had enough.

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