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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it was my curry?!

567 replies

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:12

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

OP posts:
Imdunfer · 05/01/2026 19:13

Why are so many people on this thread unable to separate the behaviour of the guest (rude, greedy) from the behaviour of the host (ill mannered).

The fact the guest behaved badly doesn't take away from the bad manners of reserving one dish on a group buffet to yourself.

wordler · 05/01/2026 19:05

Lol

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/01/2026 19:02

wordler · 05/01/2026 18:43

I think what's more unusual is having a takeaway curry where people all eat their own specific curry rather than putting it all in the middle and trying a bit of everything.

I refer you to Smithy, @wordler. 😉😂

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nomas · 05/01/2026 18:46

Ohpleeeease · 05/01/2026 16:48

I know, it doesn’t seem right. Unfortunately people with bad manners like the guest usually come off best. But as a pp said, the thing to do would be to offer, and for everyone to decline.

My sympathies are with the OP, but I wouldn’t have been able to just sit down and eat it without offering.

The guest lost any moral high ground when he let his hosts pay for their share of the takeaway, after having been fed, watered and given a bed for 5 days. Any decent guests would have paid for the whole takeaway to treat the host as a thank you.

wordler · 05/01/2026 18:43

I think what's more unusual is having a takeaway curry where people all eat their own specific curry rather than putting it all in the middle and trying a bit of everything.

diddl · 05/01/2026 18:13

HomeTheatreSystem · 05/01/2026 17:55

It comes in a foil tray with a cardboard lid from which she'd have used a clean utensil to put what she wanted on her plate and then put the covered container back in the fridge. I doubt she ate directly out of the container so the food was as uncontaminated by saliva, fingers, used cutlery etc as when it was first opened. Even if she had eaten directly from the container I don't think the greedy friend would have let that stop him.

Yes I know.

I was being flippant.

If I eat half of my takeaway-it's because I want the rest the next day.

HomeTheatreSystem · 05/01/2026 17:55

diddl · 05/01/2026 17:28

Why would offer your half eaten takeaway to anyone else?

It comes in a foil tray with a cardboard lid from which she'd have used a clean utensil to put what she wanted on her plate and then put the covered container back in the fridge. I doubt she ate directly out of the container so the food was as uncontaminated by saliva, fingers, used cutlery etc as when it was first opened. Even if she had eaten directly from the container I don't think the greedy friend would have let that stop him.

AbsolutelyZeroFoxGiven · 05/01/2026 17:45

ConnieHeart · 05/01/2026 09:31

He wasn't implying the curry was better, he wanted some in addition to what op served

then he’s a greedy ungrateful shit.

the OP said the curry was hers but he decided to shame her in the way only an entitled male can. Expecting her to give him the curry.

diddl · 05/01/2026 17:28

Why would offer your half eaten takeaway to anyone else?

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/01/2026 17:27

Ohpleeeease · 05/01/2026 16:48

I know, it doesn’t seem right. Unfortunately people with bad manners like the guest usually come off best. But as a pp said, the thing to do would be to offer, and for everyone to decline.

My sympathies are with the OP, but I wouldn’t have been able to just sit down and eat it without offering.

Why? They didn't offer any of their curry and the person making a fuss already had a plate full of food. It makes absolutely no sense.

It was also only half a curry.

lemonraspberry · 05/01/2026 17:23

Ohpleeeease · 05/01/2026 16:48

I know, it doesn’t seem right. Unfortunately people with bad manners like the guest usually come off best. But as a pp said, the thing to do would be to offer, and for everyone to decline.

My sympathies are with the OP, but I wouldn’t have been able to just sit down and eat it without offering.

This is just so British!! Surely OP should be able to sit at her own table, in her home, with half a curry she had paid for & be able to eat it without mr piggy ‘my plate is full, plus I have had a pub lunch but still want what you have.’ He was out of order for asking to share.

Guest was rude, greedy, ill mannered & quite frankly disrespectful to OP who has cooked for him & his pals for five days.

Daftypants · 05/01/2026 17:19

He’s a rude greedy git

Ohpleeeease · 05/01/2026 16:48

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/01/2026 16:24

It isn't good manners to simply eat your own food as they did with their curries the previous day? That's all OP did.

I know, it doesn’t seem right. Unfortunately people with bad manners like the guest usually come off best. But as a pp said, the thing to do would be to offer, and for everyone to decline.

My sympathies are with the OP, but I wouldn’t have been able to just sit down and eat it without offering.

Alpacajigsaw · 05/01/2026 16:40

Comments that the OP was “rude” are very odd. It is serving casual food for a bunch of mates not a dinner party thrown by the King for the President of the USA. Who bloody cares about “etiquette” in these circumstances.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/01/2026 16:24

Ohpleeeease · 05/01/2026 16:10

It did once the OP warmed it and sat down with everyone else. BTW I think the guest was rude and greedy but it’s not good manners to bring food to a shared table and keep it to yourself, without at least offering it round.

It isn't good manners to simply eat your own food as they did with their curries the previous day? That's all OP did.

Bjorkdidit · 05/01/2026 16:24

I suppose if we're being polite for performative reasons, the OP should offer to share and everyone should say no.

But I wouldn't risk that in case greedy guts thought I was really offering them some of my curry after they'd already had theirs.

diddl · 05/01/2026 16:22

Ohpleeeease · 05/01/2026 16:10

It did once the OP warmed it and sat down with everyone else. BTW I think the guest was rude and greedy but it’s not good manners to bring food to a shared table and keep it to yourself, without at least offering it round.

She didn't put it on the table for others to help themselves to.

it’s not good manners to bring food to a shared table and keep it to yourself, without at least offering it round.

It was half a curry!

mydogisthebest · 05/01/2026 16:21

Ohpleeeease · 05/01/2026 16:10

It did once the OP warmed it and sat down with everyone else. BTW I think the guest was rude and greedy but it’s not good manners to bring food to a shared table and keep it to yourself, without at least offering it round.

Offering to share a small portion of curry which was HER curry!! You surely cannot seriously mean that.

mydogisthebest · 05/01/2026 16:20

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/01/2026 15:34

It was half a curry. OP's half from the previous day. The guest already had a full plate of food and didn't even ask politely.

Common sense says that half a curry isn't going to go around everyone and he would've known everyone had a takeaway curry to themselves the previous day because he certainly didn't share any of his.

The problem is so many posters just don't have any common sense or else just want to argue.

Ohpleeeease · 05/01/2026 16:10

diddl · 05/01/2026 16:05

It didn't go to the table.

It did once the OP warmed it and sat down with everyone else. BTW I think the guest was rude and greedy but it’s not good manners to bring food to a shared table and keep it to yourself, without at least offering it round.

diddl · 05/01/2026 16:05

Ohpleeeease · 05/01/2026 15:50

Unfortunately once it came to the table it was fair game. You should have troughed it in the kitchen!

It didn't go to the table.

Ohpleeeease · 05/01/2026 15:50

Unfortunately once it came to the table it was fair game. You should have troughed it in the kitchen!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/01/2026 15:46

I agree, @SouthLondonMum22 -and I’d add that, when one person has a full plate of food and expects a share of food from someone else’s plate, they are the greedy and rude one.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/01/2026 15:34

Toothfairy89 · 05/01/2026 15:22

Because she said she was serving leftovers. It's really not unreasonable for her guests to assume that the additional leftovers she's heating up are being added to the general table of leftovers

You can't expect guests to guess that those specific leftovers aren't for them, when you've told them that they're eating leftovers!

It was half a curry. OP's half from the previous day. The guest already had a full plate of food and didn't even ask politely.

Common sense says that half a curry isn't going to go around everyone and he would've known everyone had a takeaway curry to themselves the previous day because he certainly didn't share any of his.

Toothfairy89 · 05/01/2026 15:22

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/01/2026 13:21

Why was it only OP's the day before and suddenly a free for all the day after?

Because she said she was serving leftovers. It's really not unreasonable for her guests to assume that the additional leftovers she's heating up are being added to the general table of leftovers

You can't expect guests to guess that those specific leftovers aren't for them, when you've told them that they're eating leftovers!

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