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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it was my curry?!

567 replies

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:12

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

OP posts:
Changename12 · 04/01/2026 08:51

YANBU. The guy was out of order and greedy. Why are you entertaining these people for so long? Surely 3 days is enough for any guests? Isn’t it an unwritten rule that guests should take their hosts out for a good dinner while they are staying. Most decent people would also take lots of drinks etc to their guests when they came. Certainly that is what we and our friends do. We would have paid for the takeaway as well as taking you out. Your husband needs to step up more when his guests are here. Do your friends perceive you as rich as they seem to be freeloading?

Imdunfer · 04/01/2026 08:48

LamentableShoes · 04/01/2026 08:24

Sharing half a portion of curry would mean about 2 tablespoons each.

OP you did nothing wrong and they've been eating your food all week, cheeky sod.

The quantity isn't the point.

Rosscameasdoody · 04/01/2026 08:47

The obvious come back is ‘well everything you’ve eaten in the last five days has been provided by me, so clearly l do share’. Greedy bastard !! And OP, you mentioned that you’ve been invited to stay with them in a few months, and hoping/expecting them to provide as you have. On this showing, l wouldn’t bank on it.

Nevernonono · 04/01/2026 08:45

So it’s ok to share the food (not necessarily the curry), but not the cost? I think you’ve given a lot and the only bit they want to share is in their favour.

Gowlett · 04/01/2026 08:43

It’s your curry! Not cool, him trying to nick it, when he’s been fed.

RubyFlax · 04/01/2026 08:43

If it was just me and my DH then the left over curry would be mine (if he’d eaten his the day before), but in the circumstances you describe where you’re combining lots of leftovers to make a meal for everyone then I think it’s a bit odd to then ring fence the curry for yourself. However I also think it’s massively rude of your guest to say what he did.
The main AIBU here is having guests to stay for 5 days. FIVE days. I could never! The max I’ve done with my own parents staying is 3 days. You deserve a medal (and your very own specially made curry) for that alone.

Chasbots · 04/01/2026 08:39

They have CF written all over them...

Definitely set new ground rules for the next visit or they'll be taking advantage again.

HazelMember · 04/01/2026 08:37

They are DH university friends and you have done 90% of the cooking and cleaning.

He should have done it all himself and been a hindrance in the kitchen on his own.

Look at the excuses made for men not cooking for his own friends. Pathetic.

greatvisuals · 04/01/2026 08:35

Entitled man behaviour.
What a prick.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 04/01/2026 08:28

Wtf is it with mens uni friends.

I could have written this OP... yanbu.

Dont invite/host the rude fucker again.

Bjorkdidit · 04/01/2026 08:27

LamentableShoes · 04/01/2026 08:24

Sharing half a portion of curry would mean about 2 tablespoons each.

OP you did nothing wrong and they've been eating your food all week, cheeky sod.

Not even that.

I suppose the OP could have pointedly served a teaspoon of curry onto everyone's plates if they were so insistent of sharing her leftovers.

The OP is clear. Everyone chose a main and everyone except the OP ate all their's. If they wanted leftovers they too should have saved some.

Sameshitedifferentday · 04/01/2026 08:27

I would want to ram the curry down his throat to be honest. I cannot believe they have not offered to pay for the meal - total CF territory and I would not have them to stay again anytime soon.

Eggybreadwithnuts · 04/01/2026 08:24

These are not friends, they are taking advantage snd have NO MANNERS.
I would ditch them

LamentableShoes · 04/01/2026 08:24

Imdunfer · 04/01/2026 08:16

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that if a group of people are sharing all the same dishes then I think it's very odd to keep one dish back for yourself even if it was yours by purchase the day before.

I can't see that is any different from serving up a completely new buffet you bought with something nice on it and saying "that dish is mine, nobody else can have any".

If I wanted it all for myself I wouldn't eat it at a group buffet.

Sharing half a portion of curry would mean about 2 tablespoons each.

OP you did nothing wrong and they've been eating your food all week, cheeky sod.

Squirrelchops1 · 04/01/2026 08:21

I'd have said 'well, you'd have had leftovers too if you hadn't eaten all yours last night!'. End of conversation

Imdunfer · 04/01/2026 08:16

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that if a group of people are sharing all the same dishes then I think it's very odd to keep one dish back for yourself even if it was yours by purchase the day before.

I can't see that is any different from serving up a completely new buffet you bought with something nice on it and saying "that dish is mine, nobody else can have any".

If I wanted it all for myself I wouldn't eat it at a group buffet.

CatchTheWind1920 · 04/01/2026 08:16

How bloody rude. Your guests are cheeky fuckers

Ooodelally · 04/01/2026 08:15

firstofallimadelight · 04/01/2026 07:11

I’d have said “hmmm you have a massive plateful of MY food so I guess I do share” then stared him out

Absolutely this! What a greedy pig and rude to boot, he fully deserved being put back in his box. Also, why didn’t your partner tell him he was being a rude, greedy pig? Why is he allowing his friends to not only treat you like a skivvy but speak to you disrespectfully as well? I’d never be hosting them again!

littleJoyful · 04/01/2026 08:12

I can see why that felt a bit off for you. It’s understandable to want to keep your own leftovers separate

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 04/01/2026 08:04

I think I’d have responded with “Lola’s been sharing her food, booze and home with you for 5 days so Lola’s going to enjoy the curry that belongs to her now”.

Grumblies · 04/01/2026 08:04

MySweetGeorgina · 04/01/2026 07:35

Oh but how awkward to not share everything out though 😅

it sounds draining to have to cater for people you do not even like for 5 days and him being insistent on having the curry was odd, but then you keeping the nicest bit of food b back for yourself was odd too

i had dinner at friends’s house (their idea) and they plated us up food, then once we had our plates they brought out a special dish just for themselves

it was so odd, yes they feed us, but to me holding back the nice food just for yourself when you are hosting and then eating at the same table is weird behaviour imo and not very hospitable. We had lots of bread and some ham in our plates, the potato salad and smoke salmon was just for them 😂😂😂

i always make sure my guests have what they like and served myself last

Edited

It's even odder you posted this completely separate situation thinking it was in any way similar to what the OP described...

She didn't hold back the nice food she simply ate the rest of her food from the day before. Hmm

Bikergran · 04/01/2026 08:04

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:24

Ok thanks everyone! I’m overthinking it I think, i was having a sudden panic that I’d behaved really strangely.

They’re DH old university friends. We’ve been living overseas for a long time so this is the first time they’ve been to stay with us in our new home and so there isn’t really a precedent set for how the cooking/ food situation goes. I suppose it was in the back of my mind they might offer to pay for the takeaway, which I would have declined but appreciated the offer. As it was, they didn’t even offer 😂 They’ve already mentioned us going to stay with them in a few months so perhaps they’ll provide all the food and drinks in return then?!

In that case, visit, freeload as much as possible, then don't bother with them again. Although I have a strong suspicion they WON'T cater like you have, and will be going out/ordering in and expecting you to split the bill from the outset. If that happens, invent an emergency that requires you to leave and return home. Are they the types that order more than anyone else then expect to split the bill equally at restaurants, too?

Firebox64 · 04/01/2026 08:04

"Actually, Lola has been sharing food with you all week." Sweetest of smiles is an optional accompaniment.

Dawnintheageofaquariams · 04/01/2026 08:02

sunnysunshinebear · 04/01/2026 07:49

Was the ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food’ based on friends with Joey saying ‘Joey doesn’t share food’? I’ve heard it quoted as a joke by friends. But totally unnecessary and rude! I can’t believe they have let you pay so much and not contributed much to the all food!!

It is one thing to quote a badly written sitcom, quite another to be a greedy wanker.

Dawnintheageofaquariams · 04/01/2026 08:00

What you should have done was scraped it into the bin in front of him and said, 'eat it if you want it cunt'.
Although probably not that festive, so well done on holding your ground.

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