Page 16 | To think it was my curry?!

Lolabear38 · 2026-01-04T06:12:12+00:00

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose. Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge. Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’ Who is BU? YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird. YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you. We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 04/01/2026 12:30

usedtobeaylis · 04/01/2026 11:26

Everyone already ate their own curry. She can finish her own whenever she likes.

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I disagree and think it’s rude if you’re hosting to serve yourself a different meal to everybody else, even if it is something everybody else has already eaten the day before. I think she should have waited until the guests were gone to eat it. But obviously everybody’s idea on what does and doesn’t constitute good hosting differs, I think it’s rude, you think it’s fine and so I suppose there is no definitive answer. The OPs guest obviously found the behaviour rude/ unexpected as he commented on it and in the same situation I would have shared, but again there probably is no definitive right or wrong here and it’s clearly very subjective.

DameOfThrones · 04/01/2026 12:30

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:27

@DameOfThrones you’re seeing this from a very one dimensional viewpoint. If you care to, please see the comment I wrote immediately before this one listing what he and I both do in our marriage which lays out how I am neither a martyr nor is he lazy - we just set up tasks in our lives/ marriages that work for us.

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Yes, you listed mostly occasional jobs for him and every single day drudge jobs for you.

But like I said, it's your marriage so I'll butt out now.

dottiedodah · 04/01/2026 12:28

Are you quite young? Maybe 20s or 30s.As you get older you will learn to see that guests( like fish) tend to go off after 3 days! They sound rude and rather boorish to me .If you stay with them I would expect to be cooked for(No offering to help in this instance ) And be treated to a meal out!

Original poster

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:27

DameOfThrones · 04/01/2026 12:21

You are indeed a martyr then with a lazy husband.

You're still going on about you don't need 'help'.

It's not help, it's him doing his job after you've done all the cooking.

You don't even need to be in the kitchen while he does his share.

But if you're happy with that, it's your marriage.

@DameOfThrones you’re seeing this from a very one dimensional viewpoint. If you care to, please see the comment I wrote immediately before this one listing what he and I both do in our marriage which lays out how I am neither a martyr nor is he lazy - we just set up tasks in our lives/ marriages that work for us.

OP posts:

zanahoria · 04/01/2026 12:23

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:04

Huh? If you’re referring to me, how am I a martyr?

Some of you seem to have taken umbrage with the fact that I’ve cooked and cleaned up the kitchen after our guests. But I don’t mind doing that (particularly cleaning my kitchen, it’s easier to do that myself as I know how I like it done and where everything goes) - and I wasn’t complaining about it either. I mentioned it to add context to the situation. Guests did pay for the pub lunch too, I should add if that changes anything for those of you upset by it?

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My mum always lived by the rules that she would do everything in the kitchen on these occasions but the quid pro quo was that everyone else had to do what she said - help when needed, stop helping when it wasn't helping - and it made sense. She was also quick to remind that "I did the cooking" if anyone else had any opinions on anything to do with the meal and were foolhardy enough to question her judgement. I think most families were like that back in the day and there was a bit of respect and acknowledgement that food did not magically appear on the table - your guest could certainly do with a bit of it after you had been waiting on him for five days.

Original poster

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:23

DameOfThrones · 04/01/2026 12:11

Why does anyone have to help you in the kitchen, if it's your husband's turn to cook?

You just stay out and let him get on with it surely?

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I could be wrong but I feel like some people are trying to stir something up that’s not here 😂

In my case - it’s never my husband’s turn to cook because I do it all. I don’t want to eat the food he cooks because I don’t like it. He and I both like my cooking, so I take charge of it. He has other things that he takes charge of - he cleans the bathrooms, he takes care of the vast majority of the clothes washing, I take care of the garden, I do the school runs because my job allows for it, he takes care of insurance and car maintenance* - we’re a team and we separate and delegate tasks according to our strengths and interests. It’s not that deep.

*This is not a comprehensive list - there are other tasks that he and I both contribute to and take care of.

OP posts:

researchers3 · 04/01/2026 12:22

Justlostmybagel · 04/01/2026 06:20

What a cheeky twat.

Beyond cheeky, just fucking rude!

DoneWithMen · 04/01/2026 12:22

DeftGoldHedgehog · 04/01/2026 06:53

What a greedy pig he is. YANBU.

I'd have done the same but would've called him a fat bastard first.

Edited

😂😂😂

DameOfThrones · 04/01/2026 12:21

You are indeed a martyr then with a lazy husband.

You're still going on about you don't need 'help'.

It's not help, it's him doing his job after you've done all the cooking.

You don't even need to be in the kitchen while he does his share.

But if you're happy with that, it's your marriage.

Original poster

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:15

DameOfThrones · 04/01/2026 12:06

Your husband doesn't know where everything goes in his own kitchen? 👀

He does, yes. He lives here so of course he knows.

As i mentioned in a pp, after the meal he and his friends left the kitchen where I stayed and cleared up - my preference as it means I can quickly get on with it myself, doing it the way i want to, without either an audience or any ‘helpers’ to direct. There’s nothing to read into here - I’m perfectly happy with this arrangement and in many other aspects of our lives there are things that he takes responsibility for while I go off and do something different, too.

(Sorry if this comes across as defensive - I’m just pre-empting any posters who may be outraged at my husband going off with his friends while I stay in the kitchen clearing away. It’s fine).

OP posts:

Dollyfloss · 04/01/2026 12:13

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:08

Yes I see your point. I suppose my thinking was it was a very informal ‘meal’ - a hodgepodge of leftovers with some party food bits I’d bought and cooked up that people could come and help themselves to. We’d already eaten a good pub lunch that day. The curry wouldn’t have gone with any of the leftovers, so that, coupled with the fact that I considered it ‘my’ leftover curry, was the reason I didn’t think it was unreasonable at the time to eat it myself. It was only when DH friend made his comments that I began second guessing it!

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You weren’t wrong OP, I think your only mistake was maybe I’d have said “I’m
just going to have my leftover curry from last night” as The Greedy One probably didn’t release it was your personal leftover meal.

He was cheeky to say anything at all but probably felt embarrassed when he asked and you said no and felt he had to make a “funny” comment.

Don’t overthink it!

BreakfastClubBlues · 04/01/2026 12:13

Factsoverfiction · 04/01/2026 08:52

I don’t think I’d have served myself something that was out of bounds for everyone else. Not contributing for the rest of the stay is another matter.

I agree with this.

I would have eaten it separately at a different time, not made food for everyone then served myself up something different while eating with them.

However, he was still a rude greedy bastard.

DameOfThrones · 04/01/2026 12:11

Dollyfloss · 04/01/2026 12:09

If you’re a martyr - so am I OP - in that I’m a control freak who cannot stand anyone helping me in the kitchen.

I also like clearing up myself!

But if I’ve done all that for my dh and his guests I certainly wouldn’t expect one of them to challenge me over not sharing my half a portion of leftover curry.

I do wonder if he was quoting that Joey line from “Friends” as he sounds like the type!

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Why does anyone have to help you in the kitchen, if it's your husband's turn to cook?

You just stay out and let him get on with it surely?

Dollyfloss · 04/01/2026 12:09

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:04

Huh? If you’re referring to me, how am I a martyr?

Some of you seem to have taken umbrage with the fact that I’ve cooked and cleaned up the kitchen after our guests. But I don’t mind doing that (particularly cleaning my kitchen, it’s easier to do that myself as I know how I like it done and where everything goes) - and I wasn’t complaining about it either. I mentioned it to add context to the situation. Guests did pay for the pub lunch too, I should add if that changes anything for those of you upset by it?

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If you’re a martyr - so am I OP - in that I’m a control freak who cannot stand anyone helping me in the kitchen.

I also like clearing up myself!

But if I’ve done all that for my dh and his guests I certainly wouldn’t expect one of them to challenge me over not sharing my half a portion of leftover curry.

I do wonder if he was quoting that Joey line from “Friends” as he sounds like the type!

Original poster

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:08

FruitFlyPie · 04/01/2026 12:03

Sorry OP, you sound like a lovely generous host but I think it sounds a bit awkward to serve guests one meal and plate yourself up another. It reminds me of when I cook something healthy for my kids, then I can't be bothered to eat it so I eat something tasty like cheese and crackers. Except my kids are under 5 so they don't notice.

Yes I see your point. I suppose my thinking was it was a very informal ‘meal’ - a hodgepodge of leftovers with some party food bits I’d bought and cooked up that people could come and help themselves to. We’d already eaten a good pub lunch that day. The curry wouldn’t have gone with any of the leftovers, so that, coupled with the fact that I considered it ‘my’ leftover curry, was the reason I didn’t think it was unreasonable at the time to eat it myself. It was only when DH friend made his comments that I began second guessing it!

OP posts:

XiCi · 04/01/2026 12:08

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 11:55

You’ve misunderstood - the leftovers they ate weren’t Indian takeaway leftovers - as I said previously everyone else ate all their curry on the night. It was entirely different leftovers from other meals I’d made during their stay, as well as other food bits I’d bought but not cooked yet. Think buffet style eating of picky bits I had. We’d had a big pub lunch already earlier in the day so it wasn’t a full sit down meal.

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Ah OK, I read it as it was leftovers from all the sides youd ordered plus a few extra bits youd cooked up. In that case then I think it's totally fine for you to say you'll just finish your meal from the night before.

DameOfThrones · 04/01/2026 12:06

Your husband doesn't know where everything goes in his own kitchen? 👀

Original poster

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:04

Fends · 04/01/2026 11:39

An actual martyr in the wild!

Huh? If you’re referring to me, how am I a martyr?

Some of you seem to have taken umbrage with the fact that I’ve cooked and cleaned up the kitchen after our guests. But I don’t mind doing that (particularly cleaning my kitchen, it’s easier to do that myself as I know how I like it done and where everything goes) - and I wasn’t complaining about it either. I mentioned it to add context to the situation. Guests did pay for the pub lunch too, I should add if that changes anything for those of you upset by it?

OP posts:

FruitFlyPie · 04/01/2026 12:03

Sorry OP, you sound like a lovely generous host but I think it sounds a bit awkward to serve guests one meal and plate yourself up another. It reminds me of when I cook something healthy for my kids, then I can't be bothered to eat it so I eat something tasty like cheese and crackers. Except my kids are under 5 so they don't notice.

Dollyfloss · 04/01/2026 12:03

I'd have done the same but would've called him a fat bastard first.

What you should have done was scraped it into the bin in front of him and said, 'eat it if you want it cunt'.

It is one thing to quote a badly written sitcom, quite another to be a greedy wanker.

Howling! 😂

missmollygreen · 04/01/2026 12:01

"No she fucking doesn't!"

Easy

BunnyLake · 04/01/2026 12:00

Ocelotfeet27 · 04/01/2026 11:11

Hmmm I think you were a bit rude in making your own separate food and not offering to share it, my expectation in this scenario would be that all leftovers would be shared so I would find it a bit odd that you did this. Was everyone else not all sharing the leftover sides, which presumably means you/DH also shared some of their leftovers? But i think he was extremely rude in asking to have it and then pushing when you said no. I also think their behaviour - letting you cook every time and leaving you to pay for things - is disgustingly rude and I wouldn't invite them back.

So seven people (OP, her DH and five guests all have a portion of half a plate of curry? Teaspoons at the ready eh?

StrawberrySquash · 04/01/2026 11:59

I think he was being rude. But I also wouldn't have heated up the curry just for myself. You're having a sharing type meal, so having you eating a separate thing, not for any dietary reasons, so doing yourself a separate thing seems a bit odd.

What food is put out influences what people want. It's like if you make a veggie lasagne and meat one you make enough of the veggie one so that the meat eaters can have a bit. People go into buffet mode and want all the things. I'd have kept the curry back as a little treat for when they were gone.

DameOfThrones · 04/01/2026 11:57

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 11:32

I mean, each to their own, but I don’t consider myself as having been a doormat for cooking and cleaning up the kitchen after having guests? As I say though, each to their own.

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You are 100% your husband's doormat.

MorningActivity · 04/01/2026 11:57

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 11:50

I get what you’re saying, but the curry didn’t go with what they were eating at all so would have been very out of place on their plates. Not to mention they would have had a bout a spoonful each if it was all shared out.

It was a case of either I eat it myself, or it goes to waste as I wouldn’t have wanted to eat it any later than I did. And as I’d paid for it, I didn’t want to throw it away.

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Akso it assumes that everyone wants the same thing.For me, a ‘let’s eat up the leftovers’ is more like a buffet where everyone takes what they fancy.
The guy in question had his opportunity to see the curry and say he wanted some. He didn’t.