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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it was my curry?!

567 replies

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:12

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

OP posts:
MsSmartShoes · 04/01/2026 13:11

I think they’ve outstayed their welcome.

MinnieMountain · 04/01/2026 13:10

I'm sure I've seen a more recent thread on MN about no snaffling someone else's leftover curry, but this one will do www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2988127-He-ate-my-left-overs-I-thought-I-knew-him-well

Strawberrydelight78 · 04/01/2026 13:08

I wouldn't be sharing either. It always tastes better the next day.

Strawberrydelight78 · 04/01/2026 13:06

beccahamlet · 04/01/2026 06:15

This wasn't your question, but I can't believe they didn't treat you to the takeaway after you've looked after them so well.

Exactly this

dynamiccactus · 04/01/2026 13:01

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:08

Yes I see your point. I suppose my thinking was it was a very informal ‘meal’ - a hodgepodge of leftovers with some party food bits I’d bought and cooked up that people could come and help themselves to. We’d already eaten a good pub lunch that day. The curry wouldn’t have gone with any of the leftovers, so that, coupled with the fact that I considered it ‘my’ leftover curry, was the reason I didn’t think it was unreasonable at the time to eat it myself. It was only when DH friend made his comments that I began second guessing it!

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What you did sounds perfectly normal to me if you have lots of leftovers to dish out. The curry was a leftover, but it was yours, and you wanted it. I can't see why that would be a problem at all except for greedy "friend".

dynamiccactus · 04/01/2026 13:00

Guest was really rude. And I'd be annoyed that my DH didn't say anything to defend me. He should have said "you've got food, friend, that is Lola's from last night".

Daygloboo · 04/01/2026 12:58

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:12

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

That one sounds awful. Is there any chance you could boycott him in future coz he sounds like potential trouble. After taking your hospitality, he basically then humiliated you in your own home. Or do these friends come as a package. Tbh, if, after you catered for 5 days, they didnt even shout you a curry. I' d be looking to change my friends.

Ponoka7 · 04/01/2026 12:56

DameOfThrones · 04/01/2026 12:21

You are indeed a martyr then with a lazy husband.

You're still going on about you don't need 'help'.

It's not help, it's him doing his job after you've done all the cooking.

You don't even need to be in the kitchen while he does his share.

But if you're happy with that, it's your marriage.

But then she'd be sitting with his friends and possibly minding the children while he does a job she'd rather be doing. Personally I love the break from everyone, while cleaning up. My ear pods go in and I can listen to the music I want to. Or sometimes I play old episodes of 'come fly with me' etc.
OP, no you didn't have to share, because it wasn't left over, it was your food that you didn't eat. I'd think of it like a open can of coke that you'd drank out of.

zanahoria · 04/01/2026 12:55

At the end of the day, it is not about a curry but a guest being rude to a host.

Talipesmum · 04/01/2026 12:55

Tweedled · 04/01/2026 12:37

God almighty people going off on a tangent and having a go at the OP about things that aren’t even relevant. Some people are just arses and like to have a pop at strangers online. I wouldn’t even bother responding to their waffle.
OP, You were perfectly fine to eat your left over curry. The others were having bits and pieces of leftovers which is no different. That bloke was just being grabby. Sod him.

Totally this!

OP you were completely reasonable. And guest was v rude! How rude to say “Lola doesn’t share food” when you’ve been sharing food with them for days and days! Completely understand the “polishing off all the previous days leftovers meal” hodgepodge of things on the table, very sensible especially as you’d all been to a pub lunch. And yes you’d all had your separate curries the day before, you’d not eaten all of yours - it’s not automatically fair game! (I think some people do treat all takeaway leftovers like communal property so if he was brought up like that I can see it as an honest mistake, but it’s hardly universal. And after you’d gently pushed back he was v rude to insist!).

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/01/2026 12:50

What a CF. Don't invite him again.

Of course it is your curry, he had his curry. Why do some men feel so entitled to more than their fair share of food?

coconutchocolatecream · 04/01/2026 12:49

I don't get the whole 'leftovers are fair game' thing. No, they aren't, not if that's your house rule. In my house, your food is your own, whether you eat it immediately or three days later. If someone thinks you aren't interested and wants it, they can ask, but you're free to refuse.

This friend is a jerk! Living on your hospitality, then making insulting comments about you over leftovers?! He wouldn't be welcome back at my house any time soon.

Original poster
Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:48

DameOfThrones · 04/01/2026 12:30

Yes, you listed mostly occasional jobs for him and every single day drudge jobs for you.

But like I said, it's your marriage so I'll butt out now.

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I didn’t. Keeping on top of clothes washing and bathrooms for a busy family with young children aren’t occasional jobs. Cooking is an every day job but not something I consider a
’drudge’ job either as I enjoy cooking. I also didn’t list the many other jobs he and I do (I mentioned it wasn’t a comprehensive list as to be honest, it’s really not relevant to a post about a bloody curry). But, for whatever reason, you’re determined to stick to your narrative and see something that is not in the room with us (let alone the marriage) and that’s your prerogative.

OP posts:
Dollyfloss · 04/01/2026 12:45

Goldengirl123 · 04/01/2026 12:37

Lovely language

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What is it with the Barbara Cartland Language Police today?

If swear words offend your fragrant self you’re probs best staying off MN.

Original poster
Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:38

Fends · 04/01/2026 12:32

It’s always that pesky insurance isn’t it. Such a fucking backbreaker to type a load of details into compare the meerkat. Once. 😆

Not sure I really get the point you’re trying to make here?

It makes sense to me that one person takes charge of insurance - renewal dates, log in info, previous quotes/ premiums/ no claims etc. It’s a one person job that happens to be my husbands. I take care of the mortgage admin - does that make you feel better? Some serious derailment going on here today 😂

OP posts:
sprigatito · 04/01/2026 12:38

Goldengirl123 · 04/01/2026 12:37

Lovely language

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Thank you Flowers

FlyingApple · 04/01/2026 12:38

I think he's just greedy and wanted your curry.

Goldengirl123 · 04/01/2026 12:37

sprigatito · 04/01/2026 12:37

He’s a rude cunt. Sadly it’s not unusual for men to feel entitled to anything that belongs to a woman, particularly food. I’m glad you didn’t cave in to him.

Lovely language

Sam9769 · 04/01/2026 12:37

As a matter of interest, how much do you reckon it cost you to feed and water these free loaders?

sprigatito · 04/01/2026 12:37

He’s a rude cunt. Sadly it’s not unusual for men to feel entitled to anything that belongs to a woman, particularly food. I’m glad you didn’t cave in to him.

Tweedled · 04/01/2026 12:37

God almighty people going off on a tangent and having a go at the OP about things that aren’t even relevant. Some people are just arses and like to have a pop at strangers online. I wouldn’t even bother responding to their waffle.
OP, You were perfectly fine to eat your left over curry. The others were having bits and pieces of leftovers which is no different. That bloke was just being grabby. Sod him.

Sam9769 · 04/01/2026 12:34

How many of his friends stayed for 5 days?
Was does your DH think of his friends behaviour?

Ignore those posts saying you kept the best food back for yourself, that's ridiculous!
Everyone else ate all their curry the night before and you were perfectly entitled to eat the remainder of yours the following day without being harangued by this greedy oaf! If he'd have said that to me I'd have said that this is the remainder of my curry from last night, you ate yours yesterday. (Fuck off strongly implied).

You were obviously a very generous and hardworking hostess but I'm afraid that this can lead to people taking the piss which I think happened in this case.
It looks like they stuffed their faces throughout the 5 days and left you to do all the cooking and cleaning up which they should not have done.
Everyone should have helped at least with the cleaning up.
Your guests should at the very least have paid for the takeaway.

I think that it's really important at this stage to rethink whether or not you allow these free loaders ever to stay again and if so, to reassess the level of hosting you provide. If you maintain this level of hosting, they'll be chomping at the bit to return for more and you will be put upon by them again. You need to nip that in the bud now. In a nutshell, you were too generous with your money and efforts and these fuckers took advantage of you. Remember, no good deed goes unpunished!

Original poster
Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:33

dottiedodah · 04/01/2026 12:28

Are you quite young? Maybe 20s or 30s.As you get older you will learn to see that guests( like fish) tend to go off after 3 days! They sound rude and rather boorish to me .If you stay with them I would expect to be cooked for(No offering to help in this instance ) And be treated to a meal out!

i’m 45. The reason for the length of the stay is because they’ve travelled a long way to come and see us, and they’ve never visited this part of the country before, so wanted to have plenty of time to catch up and also see a bit of the area.

Having lived abroad for a number of years I’m well versed in having house guests and simply because of the places we’ve lived I’m also used to visits lasting a week or more. It’s the first time these particular guests have been to visit us though, and in this house.

OP posts:
Fends · 04/01/2026 12:32

It’s always that pesky insurance isn’t it. Such a fucking backbreaker to type a load of details into compare the meerkat. Once. 😆

Dollyfloss · 04/01/2026 12:31

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:23

I could be wrong but I feel like some people are trying to stir something up that’s not here 😂

In my case - it’s never my husband’s turn to cook because I do it all. I don’t want to eat the food he cooks because I don’t like it. He and I both like my cooking, so I take charge of it. He has other things that he takes charge of - he cleans the bathrooms, he takes care of the vast majority of the clothes washing, I take care of the garden, I do the school runs because my job allows for it, he takes care of insurance and car maintenance* - we’re a team and we separate and delegate tasks according to our strengths and interests. It’s not that deep.

*This is not a comprehensive list - there are other tasks that he and I both contribute to and take care of.

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It’s peak Mumsnet (and I do love MN) - post an AIBU asking a specific question and some will instead pick apart some other completely unrelated comment you made and don’t have a problem with and insist you are “x/y/z”.

This will probably lead to “LTB” and “you’re in an abusive marriage” 😂

I do all the cooking and most clearing up same as you OP, I enjoy it and don’t want anyone in my way. Plus no one does it as well as me. If I said to my dh and dc’s “make us some food” or “clear up” they would in a heartbeat - I just don’t want them to.

People who share everything house-related down the middle: good for you! In our house we don’t bc I don’t want to. Not everyone is the same, what’s so hard to understand about that?

As OP points out - her dh does plenty of stuff that she doesn’t get involved in. That is the case in most relationships - people take on the stuff they are better at/enjoy more. I have friends who’s male DP’s do all the cooking etc bc they’re better at it and my female friends do the DIY.

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