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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it was my curry?!

567 replies

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 06:12

Bit of background - we’ve had guests staying with us for the last 5 days. During that time I’ve cooked and paid for 90% of the meals and cleared everything away. There’s been large meals (they’re big eaters), snacks, puddings, alcohol etc. Relevant just to show I’m not (or at least I don’t think I am) being tight I suppose.

Last night we ordered an Indian take away (I couldn’t face cooking for us all again). We all ordered a curry and rice each, and a variety of sides. For no particular reason I didn’t eat all of my main meal, everyone else finished all theirs. We all had roughly the same amount of the sides. I got my curry and put it in the fridge.

Today we went for a pub lunch so when it came to dinner in the evening I said it was leftovers from the last couple of days and put out everything/ cooked up a few bits and pieces that needed eating. Everyone helped themselves and as they were eating I heated up my curry. DH’s friend, with a plate full of food already, suddenly said ‘oh I didn’t realise there was curry on offer! I’ll have that’. Somewhat put out I said ‘this is actually the curry I ordered last night and kept what was left, I thought I’d finish it tonight’. He replied with ‘But we can all share it can’t we? Leftovers are all fair game’. I kind of laughed it off and when the curry was warmed through I quickly put it on my plate and just sat down to eat - I’m talking maybe 1/2 of a regular portion of curry was left? He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said ‘I guess Lola doesn’t share food, hey?’

Who is BU?

YABU - leftover curry belongs to anyone who wants to eat it, whether they ordered it or not, stop being so weird.

YANBU - you ordered that curry. Everyone else ordered their own and ate it all. The leftovers of your curry belong to you.

We split the cost of the take away fairly between us all, if that matters.

OP posts:
Blades2 · 04/01/2026 17:59

I’d have said “and DHs friend doesn’t put his hand in his pocket often” cheeky twat.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/01/2026 17:58

Twinkletoes127 · 04/01/2026 17:51

Why are you arguing? Maybe they dont eat sweets? Maybe they wanted more Curry. Maybe they prefer fruit and Yogurt dessert, maybe they would have liked the cheese board to come out with crackers at that point. Maybe they weren't hungry. But we will never know.

You seem certain that your guests never leave hungry, why is it different for OP and she'll 'never know?'?

TeaAndTattoos · 04/01/2026 17:58

Twinkletoes127 · 04/01/2026 17:51

Why are you arguing? Maybe they dont eat sweets? Maybe they wanted more Curry. Maybe they prefer fruit and Yogurt dessert, maybe they would have liked the cheese board to come out with crackers at that point. Maybe they weren't hungry. But we will never know.

Your the one who’s arguing with her over her own post trying to tell her what everyone felt when you weren’t even there your sat at home on mumsnet making up stories to suit whatever narrative your trying very hard to peddle.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 04/01/2026 17:56

Twinkletoes127 · 04/01/2026 17:51

Why are you arguing? Maybe they dont eat sweets? Maybe they wanted more Curry. Maybe they prefer fruit and Yogurt dessert, maybe they would have liked the cheese board to come out with crackers at that point. Maybe they weren't hungry. But we will never know.

Or maybe they just weren’t hungry.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 04/01/2026 17:56

Twinkletoes127 · 04/01/2026 17:27

I dont drink! I also am not arguing. Im saying if there was absolutely no other food left on thst table except the half a curry, then people were left hungry.

Why do you think this, though? Genuinely interested, as it’s not a perspective I (or many others, judging from the responses you’re getting) understand. We’re all ‘people’ and it clearly wouldn’t be the case for us.

Is this a cultural thing, perhaps? I understand that in certain cultures, clearing your plate means you want more. Do you come from one?

Twinkletoes127 · 04/01/2026 17:51

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 17:43

If they were left hungry why didn’t they take up the offer of pudding?

Why are you arguing? Maybe they dont eat sweets? Maybe they wanted more Curry. Maybe they prefer fruit and Yogurt dessert, maybe they would have liked the cheese board to come out with crackers at that point. Maybe they weren't hungry. But we will never know.

ConnieHeart · 04/01/2026 17:49

Twinkletoes127 · 04/01/2026 17:27

I dont drink! I also am not arguing. Im saying if there was absolutely no other food left on thst table except the half a curry, then people were left hungry.

Your logic makes no sense

sprigatito · 04/01/2026 17:47

ShowMeTheSea · 04/01/2026 17:36

Sounds like you've got your own issues you're projecting there.... 🤔🙄

Does it? How interesting.

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 17:43

Twinkletoes127 · 04/01/2026 17:27

I dont drink! I also am not arguing. Im saying if there was absolutely no other food left on thst table except the half a curry, then people were left hungry.

If they were left hungry why didn’t they take up the offer of pudding?

OP posts:
TeaAndTattoos · 04/01/2026 17:43

I probably would’ve turned round and said no I don’t share food when it’s fucking mine you ate yours last night greedy bastard.

lemonraspberry · 04/01/2026 17:39

Only a man would feel entitled to want what was on his plate and also someone else’s. Bet if it was on your DH’s he would not have said a thing.

So no Lolabear38 does not share, especially with an ignorant, ill mannered, rude little man.

‘didn’t realise there was curry on offer!’ he says. Realised wrong greedy little man.

ShowMeTheSea · 04/01/2026 17:36

sprigatito · 04/01/2026 12:37

He’s a rude cunt. Sadly it’s not unusual for men to feel entitled to anything that belongs to a woman, particularly food. I’m glad you didn’t cave in to him.

Sounds like you've got your own issues you're projecting there.... 🤔🙄

diddl · 04/01/2026 17:31

Im saying if there was absolutely no other food left on thst table except the half a curry, then people were left hungry.

Make it make sense.
😂😂😂

Twinkletoes127 · 04/01/2026 17:27

cheeseonsofa · 04/01/2026 16:59

I think either on the sauce or just likes arguments.
Nothing Op has said indicates anyone went hungry
In fact the exact opposite

I dont drink! I also am not arguing. Im saying if there was absolutely no other food left on thst table except the half a curry, then people were left hungry.

SugarCoatSandwich · 04/01/2026 17:18

I'll repeat exactly what I put on a thread last week...

Why do women worry about asserting themselves to a fair share and men have no problem taking more than their fair share?

Really think about that OP. You've hosted him nearly a week and instead of being grateful and gracious he's asked for more and doubled down when you said no to make out it's a you problem. He's an actual piece of shit.

BellissimoGecko · 04/01/2026 17:14

Gosh, some posters are making hard work of this!

YANBU at all. The friend was being rude and greedy. The curry was yours.

Sounds like you have been a lovely and generous host throughout. Hope it is reciprocated!

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 17:13

Twinkletoes127 · 04/01/2026 15:43

I would also never even have half a curry left, knowing its from a meal where according to the OG no one else had any left, so they were left unsatisfied and still hungry, while this curry sat being guarded.
No one would ever go hungry in my house, the food in plentiful and shared.

Why do you think they were ‘unsatisfied and still hungry’? I said everyone finished their curry, there was still some rice and a random samosa/ a couple of spoonfuls of saag aloo left (for anyone wondering, I didn’t keep those as there wasn’t all that much left). Everyone was offered pudding - cheesecake or Christmas cake - which nobody took up the offer of as they were all full from the takeaway.

OP posts:
SatsumaDog · 04/01/2026 17:13

YANBU. Did he really expect you to share a half portion of curry? He was very rude.

nomas · 04/01/2026 17:05

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 12:33

i’m 45. The reason for the length of the stay is because they’ve travelled a long way to come and see us, and they’ve never visited this part of the country before, so wanted to have plenty of time to catch up and also see a bit of the area.

Having lived abroad for a number of years I’m well versed in having house guests and simply because of the places we’ve lived I’m also used to visits lasting a week or more. It’s the first time these particular guests have been to visit us though, and in this house.

These greedy lazy shits are going to use you as a free holiday destination every year.

Tell them they need to stay in a hotel next time.

cheeseonsofa · 04/01/2026 16:59

mydogisthebest · 04/01/2026 16:57

So in your view if people eat everything on their plates they are still hungry? The only food left over was half of the OP's curry which she had not managed to eat.

You seem to have some strange ideas

I think either on the sauce or just likes arguments.
Nothing Op has said indicates anyone went hungry
In fact the exact opposite

mydogisthebest · 04/01/2026 16:57

Twinkletoes127 · 04/01/2026 16:29

The hungry was the previous evening. When the plated were empty, and there was still food left over. To me, that indicates people were left hungry

So in your view if people eat everything on their plates they are still hungry? The only food left over was half of the OP's curry which she had not managed to eat.

You seem to have some strange ideas

scorpiogirly · 04/01/2026 16:52

Not for eating the curry yourself, but unreasonable for waiting on guests hand and foot and paying for everything for the last 5 days. What a liberty.

Twinkletoes127 · 04/01/2026 16:51

Talipesmum · 04/01/2026 16:47

I’m sorry but this is absolute nonsense and you’re just making stuff up now. We’ve had plenty of empty plates and groaning stuffed guests over Christmas. I’m also a “put all food in the middle and let people help themselves” person in general. But when everyone’s chosen a particular takeaway and one person has some leftovers from it, I’d always assume that person has first dibs on it. And they’d just got back from a pub lunch earlier - I don’t imagine the guests were hungry.

That's you, your take on it. Nothing wrong with what you think. Mine is different

Lolabear38 · 04/01/2026 16:50

ScaredOfFlying · 04/01/2026 14:27

I find it quite interesting that you have clarified that you are in your forties and have been with DH for a long time, your DH met them at University but you still refer to him/them as “DH friend(s)”. You were quite defensive when someone suggested that you didn’t like them, but it seems that you don’t like him/them enough after all these years to describe him as your friend.

This is significant because my take on the whole scenario is that you wouldn’t have felt as annoyed if the exchange had been with someone you actually liked. What’s the curry equivalent of a storm in a teacup- a storm in a balti dish?

For what it’s worth, in your shoes I’d have said very clearly “there are leftovers out for all of you, but I’m going to finish my curry from last night” rather than making my own separate food without explanation. Without the prior warning I don’t think it was unreasonable for the guest to ask for some, though also fair enough for you to refuse. I would have taken the “doesn’t share food” as a jokey Friends reference, nothing more. It’s a trope, it’s also in Gavin and Stacey specifically about curry and it’s meant affectionately.

I don’t feel like I was defensive there, a poster said something about me not liking the guests and absolutely nowhere had I said that. I didn’t like the comment that the friend made, but that’s different to not liking them.

Also - they are DH’s friends. I know them, but they are most definitely his friends. DH and I are both in our 40s, we met in our very late 20s and these guests are his university friends. We’ve never lived anywhere near them and I would say I’ve only met them a handful of times over the years (DH has seen them a lot more during that time as they have fairly regular meet ups, much like I do with my university friends). So yes, I stand by my classification of them as his friends and I’ve never said or intentionally implied that I don’t like them. I’m clarifying because this is Mumsnet and some people like to put words in others’ mouths to strengthen their take on a situation.

OP posts:
RickertyRocker · 04/01/2026 16:50

Yanbu

Your friend was rude and greedy. They have definitely made themselves at home.

It was your curry. They should not have asked to share or commented.

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