To think we can’t take the children out of school just to spend Christmas with DHs family

I'm with him, especially for the first few years of primary school:

Also if you go private you may find the schools are still off most years

You need to ask the school what is their position in this, the private schools I have dealt with, are very strict on missing days, but in your case, it may be allowed.

I’d do it in primary but probably not in secondary… however that’s years off so I would do it for now. Can you make sure you are back on 9th always?

One of DD’s Spanish friends is missing celebrating 6th Jan in her home country for the first time this year as she is doing GCSEs this summer. She has missed the first week of term every previous year.

When your kids are adults they will remember those lovely family Christmas holidays but won't remember what they did in their first week back at school in January. Take them out of school and enjoy these precious childhood years and embed family traditions.

absence for a religious festival is one of the few reasons state schools can authorise absence for these days.

private schools will be absolutely fine with it.

We’ve just taken our eldest out of school for two weeks to have extended time of Christmas with family in Australia. It wasn’t worth going for just the school holidays and it isn’t every year.

School couldn’t authorise it but told us to enjoy it.

Because going to school is the default. Doing something different is possible (and in this case I think not unreasonable) but it’s a conversation. They’ve both made assumptions about what will happen without communicating.

Might be ok in lower years of primary but I would be less inclined to do this as DC get older due to the awkward timing, getting introduced to new topics at school at the start of term, plus mock exams, coursework due etc.

Well imo it is unresonble to assume this.
OP knew who she married.
And i dont see why you or anyone would assume school comes first in this instance.
But the engish system has people in some wierd chokehold i guess.

I would say certainly for primary it’s not an issue. It’s a lovely tradition to celebrate with family . When they are older you may want to reconsider.

Children from families who observe religions that have holy days falling in term time are legitimately allowed days off school for religious observance but not a whole week every year. You'll need to negotiate with the specific school.

This is exactly what I'd think

Maybe when older, in exam years rethink but in primary? I wish we could do an Irish and a Scottish Christmas, of they were on different dates it would be ideal. It sounds lovely for you all

If she had, not unreasonably, assumed he intended to follow school rules same as she does and had thought it through then it could be a casual mention as she assumed they had had the same thought process already.

I would have done and could see myself mentioning it casually as well as it would be obvious to me school came first and I would have expected DH to have put 2 and 2 together similarly.

I’m a bit on the fence - Yanbu to have the initial reaction that your children should be in school during term time. However in these circumstance I do think it should be a discussion and don’t think it would be unreasonable for them to have time off to celebrate their culture.

Perhaps you’ve both been slightly unreasonable in just making assumptions about what will happen without speaking about it or giving if much thought. It’s clearly a big deal to him so I’m surprised it hasn’t come up or that you weren’t expecting this reaction.

Are there other Serbian holidays he would expect them to be off too? If you both work, it’d be useful to have a practical conversation about how you’ll manage school holidays and annual leave throughout the year.

I agree with your dh. Children are allowed time out of school for religious festivals and this is no different.

1 day or 2 will probably be authorised and they might not need to miss the whole 5 days as sometimes the schools do go back a bit later. My DCs school didn’t go back until the 8th Jan last year.

I would be happy taking them out whilst they were young, I’m not sure if I would when they were doing GCSEs but that’s a long time away.

A 4 year old can miss a few days of school for an important family occasion. I’d make a habit of it through primary school and probably stop when they are in Y8+.

Agree with your husband here - I would take them out. I teach in state school but 70% of our children are from other countries. Many of these will not be back on Tuesday as they travel to different countries for Christmas and have different celebrations. Christmas time and family are special so I support those going! The school does fine (in line with LEA) but only on the 5th day. This means this year they can be off this week and return on Monday 12th without incurring the fine as it's a 4 day week. I would just try to make sure you spend time before Christmas and then head back straight after rather than lots of time after.

"There is a chance the absence might be authorised given the religious significance"

It absolutely should be authorised since leave for religious reasons is routinely given for Eid/ Jewish holidays etc both for staff and pupils.

My dd is at private school. She’s back on 7th. I really would not be concerned about this at all. Private schools now have to report and justify absences the same as state schools. But it’s a couple of days.

Im a bit baffled as to how you 'mentioned casually" that you had unilterally decided his family wouldnt see his kids at christmas anymore.
Thats appalling carryon for somone who you are meant to love.
Id take them out for this, in fact id make it a priority. But you clearly dont think it is.
I would so be having words with you if you were my spouse tbh.
Mention casually my arse.

Might be different if they really struggle in school or in GCSE years, but certainly through primary I think they'll get far more out of a family Christmas like that than they will out of school.

It’s silly to be worrying about it now. You will spoil this year’s celebration. Leave it till next year to decide. And it won’t always be five days. Depending on what day of the week Christmas falls they might only need to miss a couple of days of school some years. It is important that your DC don’t miss out on family celebrations with their Serbian relatives so I suggest you prepare to be flexible on this.