To be annoyed at how unfair life seems

You are in a tough situation because the kind of work you want to do wouldn't make enough financial difference to your family to justify your DH cutting down hours.

As pp said, just getting the place in a special school may not be the solution as special schools often don't have wraparound care, holiday clubs may be an issue, and if transport's used, it's expected a parent will be home when the child's dropped off. There's also, of course, all the paperwork, appointments and so on. And unfortunately, given the hard line the government are currently taking, you will probably be spending lots of time challenging withdrawal of support and services. Or you may be offered a place in a mainstream school unit, whether or not that's what you want.

You know it's not allowed for the primary to force a part time timetable though, don't you? It counts as an illegal exclusion.

From your DH's point of view though, at the very least, he should be grateful you're taking this burden from him and he should be extremely hands on evenings and weekends.

You could do a day's work at the weekend to keep your hand in?

Is there any way that you could work in the evening or at weekends? Is this a possibility?

OP, this sounds really hard. I think the best thing for you is to focus on solutions for your son and make sure you husband is doing what he can to help with this. He needs to write to your MP/GP and champion the cause with you so you’re working together. That’s the best bet for you getting beck to work. Or, if you work is private an option? Do you recover carers allowance?

Sorry your situation is so tough. It must be exhausting. It sounds like you’ve got a plan once your DS is in full time education but until then it sounds like you need to find some ways that prioritise you and your needs.

Whilst you are waiting in a tribunal could you explore some other work options as per @EenameenadeekaCould you look at evening or weekend work ?
using some of the 3.5 hours to join a class or hobby/group where you might meet people so you get some stimulation outside of domestic and parenting duties.
Can your husband take over on a weekend so you have time for yourself ?
Can he prep some meals so there is stuff in the freezer and do some housework so it’s a more shared responsibility?

Can you afford it as a family , if he were to go part time/change jobs?

Presumably DH is in a job that covers a household of 2 adults and 3 children. If he dropped hours to work around you working in childcare would that work out in terms of affordability? In the nicest possible way, jobs working in nurseries and even schools are usually minimum wage. You could look for a part time job in a school, depending on what it is you are actually looking for, doing lunch times. I also know other staff in schools that do half days. So presumably once your son is on the bus to his specialist school you could then work the morning/lunch and then be home for him being dropped back in the afternoon.
How old are your other children? Were you a stay at home home for them too?
Have you spoken to local groups for support too?

I kinda see your DH point here. Can you focus on your own career, perhaps self employment? Your local council, FE college or job centre may have training or development opportunities that are free for people in your position, you are certainly not alone. Are you claiming all the benefits you are entitled to? Basically ask for help and be pushy about it. Any support groups for parents, sharing our childcare for kids with disabilities maybe?

Do you have family support?
Could you hire help so you could have a break?
Has your child got a care plan? Could resources from this be used for the extra support at home?

Have you got a cleaner?

This does sound shit op

As you mentiom wanting to work in early years do you have training / qualfications for this? If not maybe you could start something now?

This sounds so hard and I'm sorry you are struggling. Its tricky, everybody in the family matters, and you deserve to be happy too. It does benefit the family for him to have a secure and stable job and source of income, so it's understandable that he might not want to have to find something different that he likes less, but he needs to help find a way that you can also be able to work if that's what will make you happier. Are there any other options for you, different work or more part time options, or on his days off? Or other ways of getting out/joining a group or hobby so that you have something that's for you? Any other options for childcare? (Sounds like that will be hard in your position). I'm sorry I don't really know the answer but I hope you find something that works for you soon.

You could be writing about my life OP.

I don't wish to piss on your cornflakes but it can take a long time battling the LA for a specialist placement, and it can often be not very straightforward, with a lot of absence from school, not being in a named school at all, or specialist not being the right fit either.

Your children are a joint responsibility though, so your husband needs to step up here. Your life deserves fulfillment and purpose beyond the household and caring duties.

Just because nobody at his current place works part time, it doesn't mean he can't apply for flexible working.

There was a reform with the introduction of the Employment Rights Act 2025 that states employees can request flexible working from day 1, make 2 requests per year, a consultation is required before refusal, and the employee does NOT have to explain the impact to the business that their request will make.

Employers can only refuse if the request impacts one or more of these areas:

Burden of additional cost - with larger organisations this doesn't hold up quite so well as with small businesses
Inability to organise work among staff - again most employers have a contingency for prolonged absences or shift changes
Inability to recruit additional staff - same as the first point
Negative impact on quality, performance or customer demand - they'd have to explain why they'd come to this decision
Insufficient work at proposed times - this is usually for people requesting amended hours not reduced hours
And planned structural changes - unless he's expecting to go into a more senior role that requires full time presenteeism then this is not likely to be an issue.

If they fail in due process or do not explain their reasonings, or their reasonings are unsatisfactory he can take them to an employment tribunal with the application being made 3 months less 1 day from the incident.

Like many parent carers though, he needs to consider whether his job is compatible with his responsibilities too, and that includes to you as well as the children.

You also need to consider if he's remaining in this position as it gives him financial power and authority over you as that is financial abuse.

It sounds as if your DH hasn't even asked about part-time working because your current arrangement suits him. If you were both working could you pay for some childcare for your DS? You might not be any better off financially but you could be happier, building up a pension, working towards an even better job. Your DH needs to help find an arrangement that works for the whole family, his selfish attitude will just make you feel even more resentful. If you separate he is going to have to do lots more housework and childcare.

This sounds really tough. If he doesn’t care what you want from life then threaten divorce and see how he manages thinking about sharing everything 50/50. The reality is if you stay isolated and miserable and aren’t supported by your DH to return to work, you won’t have much of a choice apart from divorce.