Does anyone else have this approach to friendships or am I weird?

Personally I think we have friendships for a period of time sometimes.

ie, work colleagues, but you change job, drift away etc. neighbours, you move, same thing. You don’t see them regularly anymore and they fall out of your friendship circle. A hobby, but you no longer go etc etc.

I think it’s fine, and if a friendship is to last, changing job, moving etc will not stop you being friends.

I think this is just part of life and doesn’t need a label attaching to it.

Sociopath.

I have friends from primary school, secondary school, toddler groups 25 years ago and also friends I met at my gym who I probably won’t stay in touch with if I move or change gyms.

I think it’s pretty normal to retain some friends and lose some for whatever reason.

Oh I’m the same and I feel I have really intense friendships that then fizzle out but my 2 from uni well well they live a bit far apart anyway but still close on a way even though we don’t see each other much but still find them easy to talk to and they know me so well.
it is hard for me to socialize sometimes I like being on my own.
i suspected autistic and adhd and im middle of diagnosis process

I don’t think it’s unusual or cold at all and there’s nothing wrong with it 😊

I’m quite the oddball in that I am naturally introverted but I seem to attract friends easily as I’m a good listener and open-minded (not trying to be boastful).
I find it hard to stay in touch with so many different groups in addition to the demands of being a parent and working full time and trying to spend time with partner and family.
So I am quite select with how I spend my free time now which may sound cold, but it’s how life is and let’s face it, we are free to choose!

Friends can be for a reason or season, rarely for a lifetime.
I am best mates with 2 of my primary school friends, 1 other from high school, but apart from that I only have DDs friends mums and a colleague. I have had to back away from friendships recently as we didn’t have much in common anymore.
I’ve not stayed in touch with anyone from uni, college or old jobs apart from occasional messaging. Occasionally I’ll bump in to someone and we will be friendly but I don’t have time for more friends.
You may be similar OP.
It does show that you can get on with people easily and make friends anywhere; which is a gift!

I'm completely baffled by this post.
You've described the way you behave in social situations. That's what works for you and your lifestyle, where you have a lot of social interactions at work.
Why on earth should you be a sociopath/ autistic/ neurodivergent or even shallow?
It' s your personality and there's nothing wrong with it!
Celebrate the person you are.

just before we parted as work collegues i specifically asked if it was ok to carry on the friendship.

Backstory on the origins of the friendship
all texts were civil and all texts i would have been willing to explain to our manager and even stand in the office and read them all out if needed i kept all communications above board,

then every few weeks when beginning the friendship i asked specifically if it was ok to text then couple weeks after i asked again because then they would know what i text about and how often i text etc

they could have said the texts are to many etc

then when our roles parted ways to different jobs i asked if it was ok to still text and be friends got told yes and then sent a have a good weekend as to a few people i do the weekly have a good weekend etc as it keeps communications open and we can randomly chat with anyone that wants to,

then the following week blocked, no reason no response as to why

basically it seems for one reason or another i got shafted

I've had good friendships in every job and also from uni (mature students), but don't see any of them now!
Each time I've expected to, but life just gets in the way and time passes (I don't think they've made any more effort than me either)!
I still have friends from primary school though 🤷🏼‍♀️

This is absolutely me too!

I'm autistic

I've been like this until recently. It's part laziness and part feeling that people didn't really want to be friends with me and only spoke to me because they sat next to me at work or because they were friends with my ex husband.

all ill say is if you ghost a work colleague that has took the time to build what they thought was a mutual friendship then be honest about why you ghosted them, @BarbaraVineFan because it does not help when they eg ask if its ok to be friends and chat etc and get told yes a couple of times so theres no miss communication to then get shafted even when they said it was ok to carry on the friendship

yes people change there minds that i understand

I do this. I've not kept in touch with anyone from when I was younger and have very few friends. I always put it down to having gone to six different schools and never really making friends as a child.
I also went through csa from a young age so was withdrawn due to that. It has coloured a lot of my adult life.

I’m like this. Also a teacher. I do have a few close friends from sixth form I have remained friends with but otherwise have tended to make situational friends at wherever I am working and then drift from them quickly once I move on, even though the friendships feel close at the time. I have autism and ADHD and am bad at staying in touch with people which I think is part of it, it’s easier to maintain friendships with people I see at work or a hobby etc without needing to arrange to see them specifically and then I end up socialising with them more out of work because I know we don’t need to catch up first and so it feels easier to arrange meet ups than it does with some of my long distance friends.

You just have a lot of situational friends. It's a habit you've formed.

I believe people come into your life for different reasons, seasons, or lifetimes.
I have made a lot of people that I grew close to through work etc, then move on. When I randomly bump into these people we chat forever. Might swap updated numbers and send an odd text, nothing deeper.
I have a group of friends over 30 years, we meet as a group once or twice a year.
I don’t have a best friend but I am very close to my sisters.

Friends for a lifetime, a season or a reason

That's it! That's what I was trying to remember - perfect 😊

I am just the same as you but I’ve always thought that I am very lazy with friendships and will happily let them drift. I contact friends because I think I should rather than because I want to. If I am meeting friends, usually at their suggestion I’m always hoping that they will cancel and then I can stay home on my own. I always look at it that I am happy in my own company although I am interested in your viewpoint.

I have four super-close, text every day, tell everything friends. One from early childhood, one from my first main workplace, one from my second and one from my third and current workplace.

I have had other super-close friendships that have fallen by the wayside over the years (I am late 40s) and the ones that have stuck aren't necessarily the ones I would have predicted.

Of my former very close friends, some I have lost touch with completely - others (like my best friend from university) I am still friends with but it's less intense, we can go whole weeks without texting.

So I wouldn't say I have a pattern as such. I do work hard at friendships, often harder than I feel the other person does. So whether they last I think is usually down to whether the other person matches my level of loyalty and effort - that's how it feels to me, anyway.

The only thing I find strange about your situation, OP, is that you aren't retaining ANY past friendships. It's natural to lose some, most even, over time. But I would have expected one or two to stick.

Do you feel that's it's their choice that they don't last, or yours, or a combination? And does it bother you? I mean, if the friendships you have meet your needs, it ain't broke, so don't fix it?

@SwedishEdith there's a saying, friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for a lifetime

I don't really understand why you think this is weird.

You have friends at work, you see them every day at work so you can easily maintain the friendships. You see each other out of work sometimes, perhaps a night out or whatever.
When you leave work you see them less, so it becomes harder to maintain the friendships.

In the meantime you find a new job or whatever and you meet new people, who you spend more time with. Old friendships fizzle out. Also people get married, have kids, move away, start new chapters.

I feel like that's just how life goes. I am not in contact with anyone I went to school or university with or jobs I did years ago. We simply grew apart and have less in common now. My life has changed dramatically between school and now.

I sometimes feel a bit sad I haven't kept the same friends from school but I met a man 30 miles away and settled in a different part of the county, went to two different universities and it was hard work trying to get together as we had all gone separate ways. To me this is perfectly normal.

I think that's fairly typical. Once you don't have something in common with someone - work etc - you discover your friendship wasn't quite as deep as you thought. If you're lucky, you may keep one or two of these friends beyond your common interest but, mostly, you'll drift apart.

I was trying to remember a description of friendship types I read on here once. Couldn't find it but found Aristotle's 3 types - friendships of utility, pleasure or the good. I don't think you need to have very regular (ie daily/weekly) contact to still have a really good friend. The really good ones still feel easy when you catch up with each other. The situational ones feel good while you need them in that situation.