Does anyone else have this approach to friendships or am I weird?

This thread has made me feel normal (or like I’ve found my little tribe of abnormal people!) I’m exactly like you op, and also a teacher with a big family like other posters. Totally agree with the pp who said our jobs suck the niceness out of us - I’m also an introvert so by the time I’ve done 5 days of school often there’s nothing left for anyone else.
When other friends are meeting up with their big gaggle of old school or uni friends sometimes I do feel regretful of letting so many friendships slide over the years, but I have several lovely friends who I’ve collected through different times of life who are all important to me. I’m trying to accept as I get older that this is just who I am.

I think this is quite normal in teaching TBH. I’ve grown very close to the people I work with at a time and then, if you move somewhere else, you make strong bonds there. Teaching has its own trauma bonds!

I don’t think I’m particularly an introvert or have any signs of being neurodivergent, I just think what you’re describing is quite normal in teaching!

I'm just like this. All of my friendships are situational, and that suits me just fine. I'm well aware that if I leave this job I won't speak to any of my (lovely) colleagues again, I've done it before with colleagues I've considered very close to me and shared a lot with, although a few have reached out. I don't speak to anybody from school or university now, although I had some great friendships when I was there and again, some people did try to maintain friendshops. I know full well that I won't see any of my lovely school Mum friends once our children all split off to different Secondaries.

It doesn't bother me. I find friendships quite tiring anyway, and I'm far too disorganised and lazy to keep in touch with people I'm not seeing most days.

I have adhd, and one of the features is almost not having ‘object permanence’ with friends. Like I can be really good friends with someone while I work with them but when I move to another area I don’t really think about them or miss them. It’s just like they disappear. Could it be this?

I don’t think it’s odd not to stay friends with old work friends. Often when you’ve left the job it isn’t the same/not much to keep you together.

I was listening to the Mel Robbins podcast recently and one of her guests was talking about some research that suggests most people only keep half of their friends every seven years….so I reckon you’re normal. I’m the same as you. Some friendships aren’t meant to last forever and are quite situational. Doesn’t mean they are any less valid or important

You sound like you are an introvert, many people are.

I do this too 😬

I am similar. The thing to watch for is what happens when you are no longer working. You will have to make the effort to join something like U3A or could end up quite isolated. I think you just get all your social interaction from work at the moment.

Everyone does it differently to what suits them and their personality. Unless it's making you miserable and you want a change don't stress the small stuff.

This. People are so quick to slap labels on perfectly normal personality traits these days.

You’re just an introvert, like me. I like to keep a very tight social circle and form just a handful of friendships at a time. I prefer a few close friends who I can be “deep’ with, rather than a whole tranche of friends with whom I share only surface level interactions . Nothing unusual about that.
It took me many years to come to terms with that, though - for a long time I thought I was “odd”.

Out of curiosity have they tried to maintain contact with you? If they tried but you ignored/ didn't reciprocate their contact, then yes that is a bit rude, but if the friendship just run its course and neither side made an effort it doesn't seem so bad. I only have maintained contact with a small group work friends who I meet up with we have all retired and have a WhatsApp but due to other problems we haven't met as a group for ages but I still think of them as true friends who would come in an emergency. my other friend is someone I meet up with more regularly, ( weekly) we met when we attended ante natal classes and have been mates ever since.

You sound like me. I maintain a few close friendships from school/uni but have had friends at work in the past who I don't maintain the relationship with after I've left. I just couldn't keep on top of maintaining every friendship I came across in life. I'm an introvert so would be way too drained to maintain friendships with more than about 5 people.

All these posters who don't have the energy or inclination to invest in friendships - do you all have (decent) partners? Close siblings?

I just cannot fathom not wanting a community around me, people to share life with. I am longterm single but even with a partner I wanted to maintain friendships - apart from anything else it seems precarious to rely on one person. But also I just enjoy and feel comfort from sharing life with more people.

Just curious, as I DON'T have those close people atm, and find it very sad not having people to share special moments of life with. (I'm not completely alone, but I mean special close people, not just friends who have other closer friendships/relationships).

My friendship patterns are exactly the same as yours OP.

I've only got a few close friends, they have been friends for years. I've had periods of being very close to work 'friends' but then it's not maintained. It's not conscious and I never ghost them, it's just a natural drift when we move on with life. I wouldn't say it's unusual, work takes up a lot of time so it makes sense we get close to people when working with them and see them more than real friends. They share the ups and downs of work that friends wouldn't get but once you take the shared workplace out of the equation, the relationship just doesn't have as much as it did.

Theatre is odd. Unless it’s a long West End run it’s ’instant family’ - then, 6 weeks later, another one! And the job demands a degree of instant trust that a HR department with their horrific ‘team building’ weekends can only dream of! Everyone’s besties from Day 1.

Then there’s musicians. Ultimate teamwork. Unlike actors, rarely any ego issues. Management trainers should watch a top-rate string quartet rehearse - they co-operate fully in service of the music. But very often their social lives are completely separate.

Maybe it’s because musicians are selling a skill. Actors are selling their personalities and emotions.

Been doing that all my life OP. If YABU then so am I.

As other have said friends are for a reason/season/lifetime. With social media we maintain the loose connections with the reasons/seasons than we would have done previously, we would have just said lost touch before and wondered what they were up to.
I have a similar (unintentional) approach to friendships, once I accept this is how most friendships work I worried less about forcing connections and have more friends now as I am now so concerned with finding BFFs.
My oldest/longest friends I see the least, but they’re the ones who I’d say truly know me as a person. Similarly, thinking of the mum friends I made during mat leave, most of these naturally fell away as we went back to work etc. There are a couple that I stayed in touch or reconnected with and we meet now although our children aren’t friends themselves. There are other mums from that time that I see again through primary school/activities and we have become good acquaintances again- very much of a season/reason though.

This is completely normal. I imagine most people are the same.

I am not ND, I have zero friends from school, not one.
I have a few friends from work that I have kept in touch with for many years but other than that I think most of my friends would be described as situational.
I am happy with that. Life is busy, I have a few health issues that zap my energy and I just don't have the inclination to spin the plates required to maintain multiple longterm friendships.
If that makes me a sociopath then so be it, I don't have the energy to change 🤷‍♂️🤣

This is totally normal. There is research by Robin Dunbar that people can generally only maintain a certain number of friendships at any point in time. So 5 very close friends, 15 in a wider circle and then up to 150 acquaintances. People move in and out of these circles over time, so if you develop a new close friendship, another moves to an outer circle. As you have some who have maintained their place in the ‘5’, there is nothing to worry about.

There’s a saying - friends for a reason, season or lifetime.

nobody stays friends with everyone from all their previous workplaces. Nobody stays friends with all the mums they met at toddler groups.

some people do make an effort to keep friends, more than others, but most friendships wax and wane.