My nanny got cosmetic surgery and can’t work

Also a stay at home parent does all these jobs and more!🤷‍♀️😁

I'd go by the norms in the country, some places are different to others. But if you keep her on I'd be telling her very clearly what your expectations are in future. I would also see if she can come back in two weeks instead of three to four and do lighter duties (eg maybe not doing housework, you could do some food prep etc). I would be massively pissed off though and if i heard of another good nanny becoming available I'd think about replacing her, depending on how much the kids like her (and as above the norms of the country you are in, my DH's parents' housekeeper would regularly stay in her home country longer than agreed but it was the general approach people took in that country so anyone you'd replace her with would likely have done the same). Perhaps worth tying her into a bonus specifically around the preferred behaviour i.e. givingbsufficient notice for necessary leave and preagreeing it (which should be a given under her contract anyway but needs must when the norm is you do what you like).

Yep non essential surgery with not using her time off = no pay and no job

It is rather inconvenient and not very well planned on the nanny’s behalf as she knew when she was expected to return to work.
you say that if you were in your home country your parents would help out, is there no way they could travel back with you to help.
At the end of the day the nanny is an employee and it wouldn’t matter what field of work you were in this wouldn’t be acceptable to just expect to have another 3 to 4 weeks off with no notice to your employer.

We live overseas and we have a full time nanny. She also does cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. This is normal for the culture here. Everyone has a housekeeper / nanny / driver.
...basically, she does everything.
A Nanny would not do all of that here.

She’s just had 3 weeks holiday…

I think as someone else said it might be good to post on a board/forum in the country you live in as I imagine the set up is different and you won’t get the crazy replies you’re getting.

but in essence I agree that she’s totally out of order booking this without requesting the leave and leaving you in the lurch. If you’d had warning you may have been able to plan around it.

😐
It sounds as though you are treating her like a slave! Why don't you have a bit more respect for her and allow her 3 weeks holiday she needs. I bet she was glad to go for surgery for the break.
I know you won't want to hear this but I think it's disgraceful that you make her do all of those chores as well as looking after the children. Looking after children and cooking for them should be all she does as a nanny!
You are lucky to have her.

This is definitely not the case. In my experience it would have to be booked as annual or unpaid leave. I have had two colleagues who had cosmetic procedures neither could take it as sick leave- they were not sick!!!

If having the nanny enables both parents to work then I think her role is essential.

If my child's nursery phoned up and said "sorry we're closed for the next 3-4 weeks from tomorrow" we'd be screwed as my OH works Monday - Friday and I work Monday - Thursday!

I've never had a nanny so don't know how agency nannies work and how easy it is to get one at short notice, but I don't like the idea of finding some random person to come into my home look after my kids for a few weeks from tomorrow!! It took weeks to settle my child into nursery and get used to their carers there.

Sorry I admit I haven't read the entire thread so not sure if OP mentioned if both parents work or not, apologies if I've missed it!

I already posted upthread but is there a local community/chat/group to ask? Majority of the replies here will be UK centric and not relevant to the laws of wherever you are living.

What a wild take. Your taxes are paying a salary. How that salary is then put to use is none of your business. At all. Just as it is none of your business if your binman smokes the finest Cuban cigars, or your children’s primary school teacher has regular Botox.

Your "MiL" has been kidnapped?

@Pavementworrier sounds thoroughly bitter.

OP you are right to be pissed off and I think you should start looking for a replacement now.

She shouldn't have done it, but the question is, is she a good nanny? Does your child get on with her?

Speak to her about how much reliability is important, give her a verbal warning and let her have 3 weeks unpaid leave.

She is out of order @Crispychillifriedbeef

I see two sides, she has had this the day before you return rather than as soon as you left and so she has left you in the lurch.

alternatively this is someone who is running your life as you do no cooking, cleaning, childcare etc and also don’t work full time.

she is your child’s parent basically because you aren’t involved in the day and go out a lot at night. If this wasn’t the case you wouldn’t be stuck as your look after your child in the evening, speak to your employer/course tutor about emergency leave.

you state you pay her well but would you do all that work for what you pay? Or is she ‘cheap’ as you are in another country?

you need to evaluate how much you value her.

It’s the “she is part of our family” bit that made me vote that you’re being unreasonable. No, she’s not part of your family. She is paid to be there and she would not want to be there otherwise. I think this is when people generally tend to take advantage / expect more of their nannies. It’s a red flag thing to say for me - and nannies I know - after experience in this world.

It really sounds like you could cope looking after your own children for three weeks as someone who works part time. You and your spouse should just organise some time off and work it out along with the solution she has suggested.

She should have given you notice and I’m sure I’m being a little prejudice against you because of the language you used.

I suspect the decent wage depends on the country they are living and working in and who they are working for.

I’d not be happy Op - she’s taking the piss. I’d get rid & look for someone reliable.

My colleague was unable to get sick pay when she got cosmetic surgery.

Isn't it ok for British people to object to funding an ayi when a DWP administrator couldn't expect the same boon?

Not sure why my pp was deleted but to confirm I am bitter about my tax money being spent in this way

There are some really odd posts on here. It's very normal for diplomats and their families to employ locals in quite a few places in the world. It would be odd not to.

For example. I don't know a single person (diplomat or other) who doesn't have an ayi in Shanghai.

Anyway OP. She should have let you know. Cosmetic surgery isn't a cause for sick leave (especially paid) and she doesn't need 3-4 weeks off for an eye lift anyway.

Tell her it's unpaid and not to do it again.

My sister works for NHS and had quite a bit of cosmetic surgery and has never been off sick/has taken AL to recouperate.