My nanny got cosmetic surgery and can’t work

I’m a bit baffled by what people expect OP to do - not work and be a sahm if the only other option in the country she is in is a nanny?

i know lots of people in the uk who can’t use nurseries etc because of the odd hours they work (hospital paediatrician for example - she had a nanny for nights)

being a nanny housekeeper is doing some of the job of a sahm but not all - do we not value the work that takes or do we consider it mindless drudgery that shouldn’t be outsourced? and why are we assuming OP pays very little?

a lot of people on this thread are projecting their own bias

I guarantee nursery nurses work harder, in less pleasant conditions and for much less pay than the average nanny-housekeeper.

'My nanny wants to take 6 weeks holiday because she had cosmetic surgery' is not quite the same.
I'm not sure many slaves are getting their upper bleph done...

I agree it’s not ok to spring the absence up with no notice, especially since it’s not for 1-2 days but weeks.
i also agree you should have more help as the full time Abby can get sick, can have a family emergency cry that takes a while etc. as a minimum you should have a part time help in addition or at least the contacts of a reliable agency that can get you staff quickly.

Not angry ...just despairing how ' hard a life' ( not ) some people have . Is this the worst thing to happen in their lives ...omg !!

Agreed.

Lots of things used to be the norm, didn’t make them right.

I lived in a country where slaves ‘nannies’ were the norm. Probably the same one you currently live in. What do you expect if you expect her to work three jobs in one?

I’m in a fb parenting group of the country I lived in and you see stories like this all the time. One was complaining the other day about her nanny who she paid a lucrative salary of £400 a month. Another complaining that her nanny stinks and asking if anyone else had experienced stinky nannies of the same nationality. 😳

Why so angry?

while i do agree that it’s a lot to care for children full time (which this nanny isn’t doing anyway) and also do all the housekeeping, isn’t that a fairly standard expectation for SAHMs? and people are pretty condescending about how easy that is on MN.

i will step in and do her job , I work as a teacher and can’t afford my bills let alone TWO cosmetic procedures ! She is NOT part of your family she is staff , well paid staff by the sounds of it !

Huh? The OP has said that due to her husband's job they have to go to a lot of evening events for which they need childcare and so now is being questioned about why she even had children?

This has got to be a rage bait post. Imagine complaining that your nanny/cook/cleaner/domestic slave dared to do something to her body without your permission.

And imagine thinking that "my husband and i have a lot of important evening events to attend" is a reason for having your tiny kids be brought up by someone else. Why even have children if you don't want to spend time with them?

This is a bonkers assumption. OP says the person does housework in the morning and childcare in the afternoon.

Anyway, yes, the Nanny was BU. She booked elective cosmetic surgery right before she was due to return to work after 3 weeks of paid annual leave.

Although the OP is BU for saying the nanny is part of the family. The nanny is an employee and everyone involved should behave as such.

In the short term, OP's dh may have to go to some diplomatic events by themselves.
It may not be ideal but there doesn't seem to be another option until nanny either returns to work or a replacement nanny is found.

She had it done only the day before they were due to fly back….

You’re saying cosmetic surgery and a broken ankle are the same???

she CHOSE to have cosmetic surgery. You rarely CHOOSE a broken ankle.

That is very very annoying - of course no one should give one day notice of elective surgery requiring 3 to 4 weeks of leave! Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. Your DH will need to do his functions and any regional travel alone for 3 weeks - I’m sure ‘we are currently without a Nanny’ is an explanation that colleagues/ overseas officials will sympathise with. I’m sure diplomatic spouses also get sick too at times and cant attend functions or travel. It’s no different

@ Pavementworrier -
Your comments are frankly demented. If the OP’s husband works for the FCDO and is therefore a public servant and is paid accordingly, how is someone in their position wrong for choosing how to spend their money, any more than anyone else who works for the civil service, or as a politician, or a teacher, or a street sweeper, or any other job in the public domain? Do you begrudge teachers Lurpak because it’s a bit expensive? According to you, should anyone who works in the public sector in any capacity be obliged to submit their household expenses to public scrutiny so we can all discuss whether or not they’re being profligate? If the OP’s husband works lives abroad in a society where it’s expected that locals are employed in various capacities, surely she is helping the local economy? When my DD lived and worked in Kuwait, she was told it was expected that she would employ a cleaner, because such jobs were relied on.

OP, as far as your Nanny’s expecting three to four weeks off after an operation she had on Thursday, she is being very unreasonable. You need to decide how much she’s worth to you in terms of relationship with your children, and general helpfulness, and whether you could compromise on, say, a week off. I agree with you it’s very poor that she has left you high and dry with only a couple of days’ notice.

Your children might appreciate some time with their parents. Genuinely why have children to rely on someone else to care for them to this extent? Boggles the mind. Evenings out so frequent that you cannot cope for 3-4 weeks is going to result in messed up adults once your kids are grown. Someone needs to tell you this to your face but they won’t.

Wow so many things to add to the interview now than in the past.

I think she planned poorly and that reflects poorly on whether or not she can adequately care for your children.

This is a crappy situation in which you find yourselves, but you may have had a lucky break.
Poor planning can cause a number of issues when you’re looking after small children.

I wish you the best in finding someone responsible and loving to care for your children in the weeks ahead.
Sending love from afar. ❤️

edited out the poor grammar

Perhaps posters have not lived/worked abroad. It’s a different mindset and different circumstances. One expat friend living in Kenya was doing all her own housework but this was seen as ‘mean’ by the Kenyans as it was depriving the women of earning an income. Of course the local salaries were much lower than it would be in the uk so affordable on an expat salary (paid in pounds) to hire help (paid in Kenyan dollars). This is a common pattern. Similar to prewar UK where many households have some salaried help one way or another. Now it’s only the super rich here that can afford nanny’s, drivers, cooks etc.

I think she’s a very cheeky lady. To get non essential eye surgery the day before due back at work

knowing means she would need time off

it’s not sick so I wouldn’t bepaying her and she can have ssp or whatever your country gives

if you have to go to functions I’m sure you could find a babysitter for the evenings or she could come

not sure why needs 3/4w off. She may be a bit bruised (scary for kids) but no reason why she can’t work tbh

esp after having 3w off paid

We can't advise you here, you need to ask somewhere locally. In the same way that you state the employment is cultually normal and expected where you live, so might be taking time off for plastic surgery, passing your duties onto others, receiving sick pay for doing so. I must say that if your DH has a big imporant job, I'm sure he will manage without you babysitting him at social events for a couple of weeks.

This! When my DCs were little, we had a nanny who did all the cooking, cleaning & laundry for the DCs. Admittedly, she didn’t do this for us adults, but it’s not a stretch that if it’s part of the culture in the country you’re living, that she would have done.

Op, obviously follow the employment laws of the country you’re operating in, but I’d get rid (or be as harsh as possible to ensure she doesn’t do it again, if sacking isn’t an option).

Really...?! Sigh...Poor you...here's a thought ...look after your own kids yourselves ! Honestly ,1st world problems...! Jeez !!!

nonsense, what do you think sahps do? they look after the kids full time and all the associated domestic work. her Nanny is doing that but limited hours and with holidays!