My nanny got cosmetic surgery and can’t work

Honestly this thread has been eye opening for me (no pun intended 😂).

Some people have a total lack of imagination about other people’s lives, and other parts of the world. And then the immediate moral judgement made about whether something or someone is good or bad, right or wrong. It’s such a huge part of what’s wrong with our society these days. It actually boils down to people not being interested in the world, or being able to put themselves in someone else’s shoes for one moment. It’s so much easier to go immediately to goodies vs baddies.

OP, there are clearly a lot of people who may have travelled as tourists but have no local knowledge/insight into other countries and cultures - their ignorance shows in their comments.

I used to travel overseas with work and on numerous occasions it was commented upon that I don't have a nanny/house keeper (eg when I said that my husband was looking after the children at home while I was away). This is the custom in many Asian countries for all the reasons you have previously stated.

And with regard to us, the tax payer, funding it, I think this is a ridiculous comment - do we question everything a teacher/ firefighter/ Dr buys with their salary? However, I'm torn over the tax payer paying private school boarding fees for diplomatic and military families, but that's a different argument.

I was thinking the same!

I can't help but laugh at all the posters who claim that she's slave labour and paid a pittance. Some pittance if she can afford a nose job, an eye lift, and in another six months, a boob job!

She's played you...

I think you live where we used to live OP. Laughing at all the mad comments on paying your salary and judgment for having a nanny etc 😂 it’s what’s done over there , and we didn’t have family who could help - and the people employed doing it loved their job and were well looked after. I used to do that job but in England and it’s not demeaning or anything like that the people on here are making it out to be- that’s offensive- I used to love my job and it’s a career.

But back to the point- yes she’s being really unreasonable. Is she good and worth keeping?

School isn’t childcare.

A lot of responders are just projecting their own jealousy or inability to understand how different cultures work.
It is about the situation, not whether the OP should have a nanny, cleaner, driver etc.

She should have asked for leave, not just sprung it on you. She is not 'sick' and therefore should not be entitled to sick leave.
She should be made aware of this.
What you do is up to how much you like her and how well she usually does her job.

If I did that at work, they might well put me on notice, unpaid leave or fire me! Calling her a member of the family is a red herring. She is an employee who has now left you without cover for weeks. You would be within your rights to give her notice.

OP, could the Norland Agency help you? They do temporary cover as well as permanent positions.

https://www.norland.ac.uk/employing-a-norland-nanny/employ-a-nanny/#temporary

Why has this thread got derailed into the OP having paid help or who funds it etc? I some parts of the world, it is normal to have house help and lives are more comfortable than for most people in the UK.
This actually means you can spend more wuality time with your children without the drudgery.

Jealous much?

OP you are nor being unreasonable to be annoyed.

However, you will likely cope.

You should have a word with your maid about her work ethic and your expectations.

I say this as a former nanny working in similar situation, she is completely and utterly unreasonable. People may be rolling their eyes at your situation, but that doesn’t mean than it’s okay for an employee to say, at the very last minute, that they’re taking several weeks off for something that isn’t a necessary medical emergency (or other form of emergency). She should have arranged this elective eye lift (obviously assuming given your post there’s no actual medical need for it) for the beginning of her leave, or arranged the time off, with adequate notice another time.

Oh how these threads quickly derail! Back to the question asked. No YANBU. This is not sick leave as she wasn’t sick so should have been treated as planned leave ideally around the 3 weeks you’ve just been away but definitely giving you notice.

In reality there is not much you can do now but muddle through and have a stern chat on their return making it clear that you require x time notice for leave requests. Is that not in the contract?

OP, you need to take into consideration the cross-cultural communication issues that may be at play. Is the culture of the country you’re in direct or indirect? Is there a culture of deference to authority? It’s might be the case that she didn’t feel able to bring it up beforehand, the way we would expect someone to, and work out a mutually agreeable arrangement.

Short term, work out how to cover the next few weeks. Get the cousin in to do the housework and find someone else to cover evening babysitting.

Long term, think about whether you want to keep her on. If she does a good job normally and your kids like her, that is valuable and can be hard to replace. If you do keep her on, have a chat about next time she needs time off. Take cues from the local culture in how to deliver the message, but let her know you need advance warning of any planned surgery or other planned time off.

"The “nannies” there are really glorified maids and don’t have the capacity to think about their work ethic ans the effect on the employer due to their absence."

Have I read this correctly?!

Do you realize you are generalizing the mental capacity of all the nannies in Asia and the middle east? Really?? You think none of the women providing household help in those areas of the world could possibly have the intelligence to have a work ethic?

I am aghast that you so openly expressed your prejudice. Maybe rethink your ideas on class, race, and cultural differences, among other things.

She doesn't respect you or value her job OP. I'd muddle along now till you find someone else then sack her.

I was thinking this. Frequently on here posters say how easy SAHPs have it yet when a nanny is doing the same thing that's unreasonable?

Call a temp agency.