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AIBU?

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Original poster

My nanny got cosmetic surgery and can’t work

361 replies

Crispychillifriedbeef · 03/01/2026 17:26

We live overseas and we have a full time nanny. She also does cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. This is normal for the culture here. Everyone has a housekeeper / nanny / driver. We pay her well and she’s part of the family, she’s been with us 18 months with no problems.

My husband works full time and I’m a writer and a part time student. We have a small child at school and a two year old who is at home but attends an educational setting part time. My husband and I go to lots of events so need evening cover.

Anyway, we have been in our home country for 3 weeks over Christmas and the nanny has had 3 weeks paid leave. She sends me a WhatsApp today saying “I’ve had cosmetic surgery done” with various photos. She is expecting to be off work for 3-4 weeks. We come back to the country tomorrow so we’re expecting to see her tomorrow.

AIBU to be annoyed? This was sprung on me at the last minute.

OP posts:
Mercurial123 · 03/01/2026 17:47

Gettingbysomehow · 03/01/2026 17:43

I had to give my employer 6 months notice to have a facelift as we are very busy and I need three weeks off. Im astounded she thought this was ok.

Depends where she is. It's very common for employees in low paid jobs nannies, cleaners etc to extend leave when returning home with very short notice. I've lived in Lebanon and Bahrain it's not unusual.

Original poster
Crispychillifriedbeef · 03/01/2026 17:47

Not employed by an agency.

Her solution is that her cousin who is employed part time can work in the mornings. I don’t know her cousin and I need help mainly in the afternoon / evenings. This was after I expressed some displeasure.

Her contract is 4 week’s paid holiday per year and 2 weeks of paid sick leave. Then the state pays sick leave, I think it’s 50% rate.

OP posts:
Evaka · 03/01/2026 17:45

Absolutely grounds for firing unless she's been made ill unexpectedly by the surgery.

BTW she's really not part of your family. She's a skilled employee and your statement just blurs lines.

Gettingbysomehow · 03/01/2026 17:43

I had to give my employer 6 months notice to have a facelift as we are very busy and I need three weeks off. Im astounded she thought this was ok.

JDM625 · 03/01/2026 17:41

Was she employed via an agency who could supply another nanny at short notice? If not, is she expecting to be paid for yet another 3-4 weeks of leave???

It wasn't emergency surgery but pre-planned. Was there a massive complication which meant that a minor thing now means her needing more time off? An infection or something? Even so, surely you shouldn't be paying for that. Is there a work contract? Does she get paid sick leave? What is HER plan in terms of providing the work she is supposed to be doing?

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 03/01/2026 17:36

Regardless of the minutiae of the situation, your employee has sprung a leave request on you with little to no notice. The situation could have been avoided as it was not for an emergency and she is likely to have had plenty of notice of her elective surgery date. She's unreasonable for that.

Mercurial123 · 03/01/2026 17:30

Annoying but it's going to take you longer to find someone to replace her and will she be so good? Is this Dubai?

mindutopia · 03/01/2026 17:30

I hope she wasn’t expecting that to be paid leave.

THATnewyearnewmebullshit · 03/01/2026 17:28

Thats really shitty of her

BadgernTheGarden · 03/01/2026 17:28

Get a new nanny this one is unreliable.

zipadeedodah · 03/01/2026 17:28

Yes I'd be annoyed - she has given you no notice whatsoever.