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Original poster

My nanny got cosmetic surgery and can’t work

361 replies

Crispychillifriedbeef · 03/01/2026 17:26

We live overseas and we have a full time nanny. She also does cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. This is normal for the culture here. Everyone has a housekeeper / nanny / driver. We pay her well and she’s part of the family, she’s been with us 18 months with no problems.

My husband works full time and I’m a writer and a part time student. We have a small child at school and a two year old who is at home but attends an educational setting part time. My husband and I go to lots of events so need evening cover.

Anyway, we have been in our home country for 3 weeks over Christmas and the nanny has had 3 weeks paid leave. She sends me a WhatsApp today saying “I’ve had cosmetic surgery done” with various photos. She is expecting to be off work for 3-4 weeks. We come back to the country tomorrow so we’re expecting to see her tomorrow.

AIBU to be annoyed? This was sprung on me at the last minute.

OP posts:
whatcanthematterbe81 · 03/01/2026 19:45

Pavementworrier · 03/01/2026 19:43

I think when the British taxpayer is funding a nanny it's fair to hold views

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I’m being thick here so apologies, but I don’t understand?

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 03/01/2026 19:43

whatcanthematterbe81 · 03/01/2026 19:42

It’s either jealousy or they don’t understand and think they’re used as slaves. I have loads of friends who make a very decent living being a nanny.

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Absolutely, I'm a nanny, have been for 20 years. I know my worth and charge as such. I'm not a slave and do not get treated as one!

Pavementworrier · 03/01/2026 19:43

whatcanthematterbe81 · 03/01/2026 19:42

It’s either jealousy or they don’t understand and think they’re used as slaves. I have loads of friends who make a very decent living being a nanny.

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I think when the British taxpayer is funding a nanny it's fair to hold views

whatcanthematterbe81 · 03/01/2026 19:42

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 03/01/2026 19:39

It's so weird, there is such a weird attitude around nannies on this site. They are literally another form of childcare that suits some families needs over others, that's it, there's nothing to judge or hate about it.

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It’s either jealousy or they don’t understand and think they’re used as slaves. I have loads of friends who make a very decent living being a nanny.

Pavementworrier · 03/01/2026 19:41

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 03/01/2026 19:39

You have a very fucked up attitude, you sound batshit 😂

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Mmm hm

Looking forward to the coverage

DancingNotDrowning · 03/01/2026 19:40

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This is a fucking unhinged comment - Why would you say something like that?!

Bitterness is such an ugly trait

Pavementworrier · 03/01/2026 19:40

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IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 03/01/2026 19:39

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You have a very fucked up attitude, you sound batshit 😂

Delphiniumandlupins · 03/01/2026 19:39

I understand that you are cross she has gven you no notice. Can you get your parents to fly out to help with childcare for the next few weeks? I would be tempted to start looking for a replacement. Or, at least, amending her contract re taking leave at short notice - a scheduled cosmetic procedure is not the same as unavoidable sickness.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 03/01/2026 19:39

whatcanthematterbe81 · 03/01/2026 19:36

Any thread with the word “Nanny” drums up such hate. It’s so weird! They get paid the same as say a nursery worker but because people can’t get their heads around private Nannys they go all batshit about it. Obviously if people don’t pay their Nannie’s properly and bad conditions that different, but otherwise, they’re just doing a paid job.

It's so weird, there is such a weird attitude around nannies on this site. They are literally another form of childcare that suits some families needs over others, that's it, there's nothing to judge or hate about it.

Original poster
Crispychillifriedbeef · 03/01/2026 19:39

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You sound disturbed. Are you jealous or something?

OP posts:
EveningSpread · 03/01/2026 19:38

In your position I’d say ok, and stop attending evening events until she comes back. The nanny is poor to spring 4 weeks leave on you without notice - that would scupper anyone’s plans, but it actually sounds like you’ll be able to manage, which makes it less catastrophic. If you could find a suitable replacement, perhaps that would be a good idea, to stop it happening again.

Pavementworrier · 03/01/2026 19:37

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whatcanthematterbe81 · 03/01/2026 19:36

Any thread with the word “Nanny” drums up such hate. It’s so weird! They get paid the same as say a nursery worker but because people can’t get their heads around private Nannys they go all batshit about it. Obviously if people don’t pay their Nannie’s properly and bad conditions that different, but otherwise, they’re just doing a paid job.

Eyeshadow · 03/01/2026 19:33

You need to get rid of her.

Its one thing to take time off without asking but to only tell you the day before is shocking and I know I would lose my job over it.

Original poster
Crispychillifriedbeef · 03/01/2026 19:33

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What a strange and slightly unhinged comment.

But interestingly as it’s relevant to your post, the FCDO mandates that staff or dependants requiring cancer treatment or major, elective surgery, return to the UK for NHS treatment. So if I do need cancer treatment like you hope I have to have, yes I will be returning to the UK. Those are the rules.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 03/01/2026 19:30

Crispychillifriedbeef · 03/01/2026 17:47

Not employed by an agency.

Her solution is that her cousin who is employed part time can work in the mornings. I don’t know her cousin and I need help mainly in the afternoon / evenings. This was after I expressed some displeasure.

Her contract is 4 week’s paid holiday per year and 2 weeks of paid sick leave. Then the state pays sick leave, I think it’s 50% rate.

Most employers would not offer paid leave for cosmetic surgery. She’s elected to have surgery she’s not ill.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 03/01/2026 19:28

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Fucking idiotic response.

How many parents use childcare in any form? Nurseries, childminders, grandparents, after school clubs, breakfast clubs, nannies? Millions. Millions of parents use childcare and rely on it to go out to work, base their ability to work around the childcare they have chosen to use. If any one of these suddenly closed then parents would struggle to work without any backup and would probably not have a job after a while.

So is the only option for parents, and let's be honest it would be mainly mothers, is to not work? Women should stay at home to look after their own children even if they don't want too because they shouldn't use childcare? No careers?

Pavementworrier · 03/01/2026 19:27

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Original poster
Crispychillifriedbeef · 03/01/2026 19:26

TickyTacky · 03/01/2026 19:09

You're employing 1 member of staff to do the role of 3 (housekeeping/ cleaning & laundry are not part of a nanny's duties). So if you overwork her, she can do this.

In my former job I felt dissatisfied. I could not have messaged my manager and said “I’ve had cosmetic surgery yesterday and I won’t be back for 3 weeks.” I would have been disciplined.

OP posts:
TheSquareMile · 03/01/2026 19:25

What will you do to cover her duties while she is away?

Could you get a temporary nanny for 4 weeks?

PalmTreesandPinaColada123 · 03/01/2026 19:24

TickyTacky · 03/01/2026 19:09

You're employing 1 member of staff to do the role of 3 (housekeeping/ cleaning & laundry are not part of a nanny's duties). So if you overwork her, she can do this.

Nannies to babies don't do much housework/at all, of course. Nannies to older children who are also in school/nursery absolutely are expected to do some housework and cleaning. Otherwise you'd be paying someone to sit around for 4-6 hours of the day.

I know a lot of people in the UK don't have nannies or not past the age of 3 anyway, but some do and this is a normal setup in a house with older kids.

Helpmefindmysoul · 03/01/2026 19:23

Mercurial123 · 03/01/2026 18:21

Different cultures have different ways of looking at life. Working long hours in a low paid job she probably thinks she doesn't owe you anything. I'm guessing Dubai or somewhere in the Gulf.

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It’s not Dubai. No national of Dubai is working as a nanny.
In dubai the nanny’s are phillipino or African generally speaking. Some may have European nanny’s based on the family.

Original poster
Crispychillifriedbeef · 03/01/2026 19:23

EmeraldShamrock000 · 03/01/2026 19:16

Yes, doesn’t make it right. A mother would be hard pushed looking after her own children doing all the chores required. House keeper, nanny, driver. Madness.

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Oh she doesn’t drive, we have a driver. 😝 (Of course I can hear you thinking)

I can assure you that she is adequately compensated and well looked after.

House stuff in the morning and nanny in the afternoon / evenings. If we have an evening thing she doesn’t start until after lunch. And we don’t have a huge house to traipse over, it’s a 4 bed apartment.

OP posts:
PalmTreesandPinaColada123 · 03/01/2026 19:20

BrendaSmall · 03/01/2026 18:56

Apart from my children going to school, I’ve never had any paid childcare!
Both my husband and myself worked full time

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OK, I will indulge this nonsense. How exactly did you work full time and cared for a toddler at the same time? I can't exactly lock the door and leave a 2 year old home alone. Even if I worked from home, my clients would not appreciate me giving legal advice while chasing a toddler.

Other than households with shift workers who can find opposite shifts, I can't see how 2 people can work full time with children.

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