My nanny got cosmetic surgery and can’t work

If the government is going to send a diplomat with family to a country (particularly a developing country) they owe them a duty of care. If standard childcare is unavailable, they will make the cost of a nanny part of the relocation package, just as a private company would do.

I have friends in the oil business who are expats. Part of their relocation package is private schooling for their children at international schools. So you might need to resent paying for that when you fill up your car or heat your house.

I’m in a similar situation OP in terms of living in a different country and having live-in help. I think that people forget that when you emigrate somewhere else, you have literally NO network. No family, no friends initially, and it takes a long time to build a network that you trust enough to ask for help with childcare. My husband and I both work full time and have to travel for work. There’s no way we could manage without someone who is there to look after our children - never mind ever having the occasional date night. But ultimately, I think a lot of people are just jealous when they hear that people have live in help, they view it as incredibly bourgeois without considering the challenges of having to uproot yourselves and move to another country for work. Re the situation itself, not cool that she didn’t discuss this with you. Not cool that you’re now left with no childcare for three weeks (I think this is excessive tbh) I’m not sure I’d dismiss her if she’s normally great, but I’d have a serious conversation with her about why it isn’t great that she’s let you down like this and that it absolutely cannot happen again.

Do you mean my tax is being spent on someone else's nanny?

Driver isn't mentioned here, is it?

I have never had a glorified nanny looking after my kids. A nanny looked after my kids and a maid was a maid in all the developing countries we worked in. I don't have experience in First World countries though.

Western diplomats are expected to pay the going rate for the job for the usual hours on the market. It's part of showing how our ethics apply. Staff also have legal contracts which is not necessarily the case in non-diplomatic households.

Nationals 'don't have the work ethic" in the places you mentioned? OMG racism at its best ! Where have you come across that?

This thread is to do with diplomats, not just people working abroad. At most of the events we were attended as part of our responsibilities, whites were definitely in the minority.

Perhaps you could explain how our staff who were mothers could do a full-time job, looking after my children, unless someone looked after their own since there were no facilities. It was usually a family member but they were generally paid In fact, I forgot, staff often brought their babies to work!

It's no big secret my partner used to service boilers at an army base. The application was long and they still needed a DBS check. If you and your husband works for the army then you know who ever enters or works for them has to be vetted. The best solution is is to use one of the other families nannies. Your nanny is out of action.

It's the culture of how they are as a community. My next door neighbour left their 2 year old with me and I only just met them. I didn't know nothing about their child what she likes to eat or drink. I didn't know what allergies she had they literally dumped her on me and I had to wait for them to knock the door. They don't eat pork can you imagine how I would feel if I offered her sausage. Some people don't business who looks after their child because it's all about earning money.

Sounds like a reasonable outcome. Holiday or unpaid leave, up to her and she has opted to return sooner rather than later. Plus you have set a boundary that as her employer she is expected to give you reasonable notice of a planned absence. If she was in the USA she could simply be fired without cause, can't speak for the local labour laws where you are but the USA sounds horrendous from an employee perspective.

Elective surgery of this nature would rarely be considered "sick leave" in most companies.

It does sound like you need to update your terms and conditions to include a notice period for booking leave of over 2 weeks and elective surgery is unpaid sick leave unless otherwise agreed [you might take a different view if she broke her nose falling over one of the kids]

It's the insularity, ignorance and half-baked ideas of what living in other countries and cultures involved, that is really weird on this thread. There are a ridiculous number of posters who think that either other countries should operate exactly like ours, or that expats employing household staff in other countries = slavery.

Leaping straight to Dubai and modern day slavery or assuming an equivalent to sex work is insane.

Then there are those who think that OP is taking advantage of her nanny by having her do housekeeping. OP has made it perfectly clear that the children are at nursery or school for a large chunk of the day (when the nanny does the domestic stuff) and the nannying is done in the late afternoon and evening. It's not like she's wrangling small children and domestic chores at the same time.

But the criminal checks are a red herring as having the cousin providing cover was never a viable option.

To be fair all the criminal checks in the world I wouldn’t leave my kids with a stranger, sure you wouldn’t either.

This thread is classic mumsnet:

OP: I have this problem.

Mumsnet: Well it’s not a problem. Why do you have the problem anyway? Where do you live? What’s your middle name? What’s your shoe size? What are the dates of birth of your children? What is your favourite colour? Why do you even like colours anyway, LOSER.

Jesus wept people.

Now I know you can't be serious.

I think that’s a really good idea

Her solution is that her cousin who is employed part time can work in the mornings. I don’t know her cousin and I need help mainly in the afternoon / evenings. This was after I expressed some displeasure.

That was your response. No mention of criminal record checks you're posting to parents. Do you not understand why you are getting the responses you are getting?

Tell her this is not viable as an alternative this was a planned cosmetic procedure and you have no childcare with her - your agreement is with her.

Please do.

And ignore all the idiots on here.

I’ve had a bunch of comments about employing a nanny to look after my kids to allow me to work and it’s usually from people who think it’s fine to put a kid in nursery where they are looked after by a revolving chain of adults on minimum wage and that’s somehow better for the child and the employees than having a consistent relationship with a nanny on £50k a year + benefits. Kids happy, nanny happy, i’m happy because I can work without guilt. Kids get to see mum having a career.

It’s fine.

No it's not the norm but you can't ring up the nanny agency and ask for a replacement at short notice. To a lot of people that is not normal. What background checks do they have if any?