Would you go 12 hours away, pregnant in the snow? How late in pregnancy would you travel?

We regularly drive to the remote north west of Scotland from the Central Belt. The drive takes 4.5 hours. We were there for Hogmanay and after. We left a day early because of the forecast and it took 6 hours to get back. The direct road was closed because of snow and the driving conditions were difficult.
Your 12 hour drive would have taken much, much longer. You were right not to do it while heavily pregnant. You gave plenty of notice to the family and they should be delighted about your much longed for pregnancy and supportive of you. The weather conditions need to be treated with respect and so does a heavily pregnant woman. If you went into premature labour at 32 weeks you would be in a hazardous place wherever you were in the country. They could have gone without you or at a different time. I’m sure all will be forgotten when the baby arrives. You were not unreasonable under the circumstances.

You've done the right thing for you. Over Christmas in nw Scotland rain/flooding/ice and contending with idiots who treat the A9 as a racetrack would have been a my usual concern but this year the snow has been far heavier than usual. It's not the same experience as in Central Scotland/further down because of the nature of the roads and way infrastructure is set up.

Plenty of us who have lived more remotely or travel in the highlands and islands regularly are comfortable driving in those conditions, but thats because we have the experience of doing so. You don't, and that's reason enough to say that at 32 weeks you dont fancy it.

We drove south coast to Inverness 6 weeks before I was due. It was fine but I’m like wtf in hindsight, but at the time I was determined not to cancel everything ‘just’ because I was pregnant. (Also IVF). You have to do what you’re comfortable with, although I do get that your family probably feel they could have had more notice. They also could have gone ahead without you & DH though so they’ve cut their nose off to spite their face there!

I live in Scotland and we are snowed in no schools are open no buses coming up to us we only have a little village shop. Nearest hospital would be 48min drive away,but because it's snowing longer. Then you were going to drive up here when I was pregnant I would get my husband to pull over every 20 minutes to pee and that was going from Derby to Birmingham so can you imagine how many times you would have to pull over coming up to Scotland. And 12 hrs how uncomfortable especially pregnant I drive just over 6 going to visit family in Birmingham and that kills me

It's a long long way to the north west of Scotland. 6 hours plus from Edinburgh by car. Inverness probably nearest airport and 3-4 hours from there. It's a wonderful place but I wouldn't be travelling there at that stage of pregnancy. If you choose to live there then you accept the risks but not for a holiday.

I'm 6 months pregnant and I would have gone. I wouldn't have in the last month of pregnancy.
So 32 weeks is borderline I guess but I probably would have gone as long as it was in the UK, with a car, and pregnancy was normal. But I passed on my BF hen do a few years ago at 28 weeks, because it was abroad.

I find the comments about "they have hospital in Scotland" interesting. When you have your care plan ready at your hospital of choice, the last thing you want to do is rush to an unknown place to give birth, then be released with a 24 hours old baby back to a rental property, 12 hours drive from your home...

I would not have wanted to do this - you had every right to do what felt ok for you. I hope you did let them know as soon as you could that you would not be able to go - it sounds unrealistic of your brother to expect everyone to travel so far.

Yes. It’s not that you think you are ‘special’, it’s that you are more likely to see the risk in everything and see having babies as problematic. I think I went away, abroad, at 5 months but even then I checked there was a good hospital a short drive away. No way would I have done this trip! And no way would I have flagged a possibility of pregnancy whilst doing IVF. Suffice to say, I’d have had egg on my face many times over with that pre-announcement.

I don't think you were unreasonable to not want to travel that distance whilst heavily pregnant regardless of the snow issue. I found it very uncomfortable to sit for long periods of time in my second pregnancy.
You don't say when you decided not travel, you may have been a little unreasonable if it was at the last minute - but your baby would always come first and it's your choice.
Your DB was unreasonable to cancel the trip for everyone, the rest of your family could have gone with no issues.

Yes I agree that being in your own area is preferable but plenty of people go on babymoons and holidays, weekends away, have to travel for work etc. You research what is available and make a risk based decision. The OP sounds like being in north west highland Scotland and snow risk was her main concerns and other posters are clear,y concerned about the risk of premature birth. Having given birth in the Highlands and Islands my experience is that it would be perfectly reasonable to stay in that area at 32 weeks for Christmas; I would have broken up the drive with overnights or flown and then driven.

I wouldn’t have travelled - snow or not, 12 hours is a long time to sit in a car.

I must admit that I’m not sure why the rest of the family didn’t just carry on without you? Why did the whole thing get canceled just because you opted out?

This is a valid concern. I very nearly gave birth in London at 26 weeks. Thankfully DD held on and came 3 weeks later at home. Her NNICU journey was relatively straightforward but still meant 6 weeks in hospital. How the hell we’d have coped with twice that length in NNIUC in London doesn’t bear thinking about.

Define “real snow”? Family up in the north east (who can see the sea from their house) have two feet snow drifts and more snow is on the way. Their drive was blocked and only cleared because the bloke next door has a plant hire business and took a digger to it this morning.

I think you did the right thing OP.
Im up in Scotland and when the snow properly comes down (as it has been) it is treacherous and roads go from open to gated “no go” very quickly.

Presumably though, those pregnant woman would be a lot closer to home than 12 hours away if they went into early labour. They would not have the same logistics of being stuck a 12 hour drive from home alone with prem baby. They also would not have to worry about getting said prem baby home once all was well. Not to mention the added expense of accommodation for the mother while the baby is in hospital. Being pregnant in your own locality and something going wrong is very different to being 12 hours away.

You make your decisions for yourself and your baby when you are pregnant and no matter what anyone else thinks, you do what you feel is right and take no risks. We had a situation over Christmas where the toddler in the party was unwell (we didn't know what was wrong, but she was being sick and had a high temperature) so we pre-warned a pregnant relative about that to give her the choice whether to join us or not. She and her husband decided not to, which I fully supported, but other family members thought that was 'feeble' 'overreaction' and 'she didn't want to come anyway'. I felt very strongly that you don't take risks and you don't put yourself in any situation you aren't happy with.

I think you made the right call. I'm 16 weeks and had a small nothing to worry about bleed last week, but needed to stop by my EPU last week for an injection. I couldn't imagine the stress if i had been hours away from a hospital and having to travel in the snow.

It's a doable trip if everything is ok, but not worth the risk.

You did the right thing.
How uncomfortable, driving all that way, and you couldn't predict how you would be coping with your pregnancy.

The rest of the family could have met up without you.

That is still a batshit requirement to put on you, to delay your IVF just for a family trip. No normal reasonable thinking person would request that of a relative, even implicitly.

Actually, there are no hospitals in north-west Sutherland. Nearest maternity unit (midwife led) is in Caithness - about 2 hours away) but anyone with any kind of complication would have to go to Inverness which is more than 2 hours away (in different direction) as well. I should add that a good bit of the drive to either place would be on single track roads with passing places.

Speaking as someone who lives in the Highlands, we do get real snow too - today large areas here are affected by heavy snow and ice. I have lived in Switzerland and while the Highlands don't get the frequency or volume of snow the Alps area gets, when it snows here it often drifts and/or freezes so driving conditions can be pretty bad.

So, OP, I think your decision was quite wise!

Can I also take the chance to highlight how poor the situation is for pregnant women who live in the far north of Scotland? Women in labour frequently have to be driven from Caithness to Inverness because the Caithness Unit only offers a limited service.

I wouldn't have driven 12 hours (then had to do the same to get home) at 7 months pregnant. No way. Just far too uncomfortable regardless of if I were going somewhere remote or if I were staying next door to a big City hospital with a maternity unit.

Quite frankly, it wouldn't appeal to me even when not pregnant.

You made a decision that was right for you and your baby and put boundaries in place and that's completely 100% fine. Your brother and family chose to cancel the holiday that's on them and them alone and nothing to do with you, you are in no way to blame for that.

I have to agree with this.

Perfectly understandable and a salutory lesson to those implying that the OP is a wimp or feeble.

I am so sorry that you lost your little one x