MIL not been in touch since cheating scandal

Has the FIL been in touch?

I'd be mortified if my son had done this @Needanewoneforthis

Could it just be as simple as, that your MiL feels so bad for you and for what he did, that she feels embarrassed/guilty and doesn't want to inflame the situation?

It could be resolved simply by you reaching out, something along the lines of it would be lovely for you and her grandchildren to spend some time together, with her, despite the circumstances?

You seem to have had a decent relationship with her previously.

eta, sp.

How often would you usually speak to MIL on the phone? (Before all of this)

People saying about 'allowing' him in OPs home probably aren't the best to take any advice from.
Once the scumbag has consulted a solicitor he will be told to not leave the marital property.

The woman is not your family anymore OP, forget the lot of them and concentrate on your happy future. Will you be able to buy the man out of the house?

She's his mum - no matter how disappointed and upset she is at his behaviour, she loves him and will end up supporting him. Look to your own family and friends for support and accept that she's staying out of it. It's upsetting if you've had a close relationship in the past but it's what usually happens! Frankly, it's the least of your worries at the moment, it's just a distraction.

She doesn’t know what to say, he’s living in the family home, she’s probably trying to keep out of it, or be branded interfering. She probably in shock too. Your angry should be firmly at your husbands door.

And do not buy them gifts from your kids anymore! Again that is their dad’s job to facilitate.

Well that stops. “hi MIL, hope you had a nice Christmas. I’ve noticed that we do not seem to be in contact any more which is fine, but I thought maybe it is best that I no longer buy the kids’ presents on your behalf. Please let me know if you prefer to put it in their savings directly (account nos) and they can choose what to buy or you can work this out with their dad instead. All best”

Ultimately she is probably doing her own “rewriting of history” so that she doesn’t have to live with the undiluted truth that her son is a despicable man. She’s maybe re-painting you in her own mind as being a less than great wife, who knows what your stbxh has said to her - you’ve only got his word for it that they haven’t spoken at all about what happened.

The only other explanations I can think of are: she’s beyond mortified and in shock and feels somehow to blame for raising such a horrible son, so she doesn’t dare call you in case she gets an earful.

And ultimately she has to pick her side - and she is always going to pick her own blood.

Agree with other posters. Your STBexH has thrown a bomb into both households. Why is this on his mum.

I would expect you would be hoping your children’s grandparents would be supporting their grandchildren to navigate this mess whilst the two adults plan a healthy way forward for all. However, between warring parents, even then grandparents have to proceed with caution.

To be honest, I would ask nothing of his parents. It’s at times like this it becomes apparent how flimsy familial marital relationships are. The attachment can be sharply broken.

It’s not great but she’ll be mortified and probably blaming herself somehow for some imagined wrongdoing in how she raised him.

Women are socialised from the cradle to the grave to be mortified on behalf of menfolk.

Me and my ex husband finished in Feb 2025 and I've not heard a peep off her since, married for 20 years, 7 kids, he cheated etc, she told my daughter she wanted to smack me around the face for kicking him out.
I hope 2026 is a better year for you.

She was supportive when she heard the news and now she is treading carefully. Of course she has heard his side of the story since and there's doubtless a 'two to tango' element coming through - there always is. My ex tried it with me as well. I leant on my own family when my ex cheated, I would never have expected his parents to contact me of their own volition, because at the end of the day he is their son and no doubt he is leaning on them for support too. It was my mum and dad that got me through (I know you don't have your father anymore and I'm sorry for your loss). The landmine has only just exploded, the dust is still settling, your ex is still at your home. She is doubtless waiting to hear from him 'how Christmas went' and what the two of you have decided before considering whether or not to contact you. My ex-PIL never contacted me and to be honest I imagine they probably thought I didn't want to hear from them because my ex was the golden boy who didn't do anything wrong - except he did things wrong all the time and was very much tarnished... I think YABU but that's because you've had a really tough Christmas and you're looking for support. I am just not sure it's the best place to look for it.

None of which has anything to do with your unfaithful husband!
you’re angry at the wrong person.

When I told my ex Mother in Law about her cheating lying son she paused then said life goes on. Never heard from her after that revelation.

So essentially you haven’t contacted her and she hasn’t contacted you. I don’t see what the problem is. If you want to hear from her initiate the contact with a text. Obviously if then she doesn’t reply it’s a different story, but essentially right now it sounds like neither of you are making an effort.

You are utterly mad to have him in your house. If I were you, by all means he can have visitation with the kids but I would keep this poisonous AH out of my life. You deserve better.

His PIL will obviously distance themselves from you. You are not their child the AH is.

I hope your own family are there for you.

Your mum should cut ties with the AH too, though fair play to her for caring.

What about the FIL? Why is it always womens work?

She’s just staying out of it.

Its a bit confusing that he’s back in the family home and so she likely doesn’t know what to say.

She may be annoyed that you’ve allowed him back in the home or she may be hoping you’ll work it out - but it’s more than likely she’s just giving you space and staying out of it.

Obviously if she’s completely ignoring your messages then that’s rude but I would stop messaging her.

It’s frustrating that you’re not putting the same amount of blame on FIL.

Your situation is so similar to mine I thought this was one of my old threads popping up.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, OP. It’s really hurtful she hasn’t contacted you and you’re perfectly reasonable to feel the way you do. My ex-MIL went silent on me too and she admitted to my parents she didn’t know what to do or say.

It doesn’t help much but as others have said, she’s probably in shock herself. My ex’s behaviour has had a lasting impact on my ex-MIL and while we keep a civil relationship, it’s never been the same (which was fine by me), so you may have to try to accept that. It doesn’t help much while you’re fragile and everything hurts that much more.

Sending loads of support and hoping for better times for you.

My paternal grandparents did this when my mum and dad split up. My mum was hurt too as she was close to them. When I was older my dad’s mum explained it to me - it wasn’t to do with loyalty, it was more not wanting to get involved. As PP have said they were stuck between a rock and. Hard place as if they’d have fully supported my mum (which they did) they’d have alienated my dad. As it was my dad had a life full of drama of his own making and it wasn’t the only time he split up with a wife who he had kids with - that happened again after my mum, also due to infidelity. They stepped back and refused to get involved and they only way they knew to deal with this was just by vastly reducing any contact with the spouses. They did, however, always keep in contact with the grandkids (though even when I was under ten I would just pick the phone up and call them when I wanted to chat with them - probably twice. Week, and I’d see them once a month).

With a few exceptions, you stand by your family. I wouldnt abandoned a family member for cheating or using sex workers and I would give them a place to stay if they needed it. Most people would be the same without having any hostility toward the betrayed spouse, its just the way it is. I can imagine its very hard for his family as it has been, by the sounds of things, a massive, pile on drama. Shit happens, you have every right to be angry, bitter and enact whatever revenge you want but you do not have the right to dictate his family dynamics. Seek comfort from your own family instead and let it go.

Well as per usual mil hasnt picked up the phone to check on on her dil. This is why mils can never win. And yes of course its not her fault her son has done this but show your dil some suppprt its not a big ask. She doesn't have to shout and scream about him with op. Just a simple are you ok, do you need anything?