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Original poster

Did you tells your children the reason why you split from their other parent?

60 replies

londsa · 03/01/2026 08:22

My dc have been asking recently.

We split up when they were 2 and 5, neither of them remember anything. They are now mid-late teens. DS is older, DD younger.

DD is especially curious as to why we split up.

The reason was because their dad constantly cheated, was addicted to porn, registered himself on sex websites amongst other things.

Obviously I would never tell them all that - especially the addicted to porn part.

They have an inkling it’s their dad’s fault due to them realising what kind of person their dad is. They do see him but he moved away and has never been massively present in their life. He has no idea about their life apart from the basics. Never came to sports days, school events etc etc. He’s the ‘takes them out for a burger’ kind of parent.

Anyway DD recently asked if her dad cheated on me….(she’s 14 and break ups/cheating etc is part of her life with her friends etc).

I said he made a lot of mistakes and left it at that. But now she wants more details of what he actually did and I’m reluctant to give anymore details. Equally she isn’t close to her dad and I think it wouldn’t upset her if she knew, it was a long time ago and she wouldn’t change her opinion of him - she knows he’s not great.

I don’t hold any anger towards her dad anymore, I gave up a long time ago on trying to get him to be more involved in the kids etc.

Just wondered what others have said in these situations? Is it better to just be honest when they ask? I don’t want to say the wrong thing and then it’s stuck with them forever.

OP posts:
ForMyNextTrickIWillMakeThisVodkaDisappear · 03/01/2026 08:38

Mine know why but not exact details. I kind of had to tell them because we ended up in a refuge because of him. I always tried to keep it age appropriate (they were 9 and 5 at the time),

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 03/01/2026 08:38

I have twins with exH.
I left their father when they were 15 months and he last saw them when they were 3. They are now 20.
I remarried & had 2 more children. DTs call DH Dad & in all aspects of life & love he is their Dad. They did ask some questions in their teens; i tried to be honest but neutral which was hard, especially as he never paid any maintenance and stopped all contact by the time they were 5.

I think the teens are a time of establishing your identity hence the questions. Mine worked out their father was not a nice man but my DH was there all along telling them how awesome they were, how proud of the he was, how he loved being in their lives & the family we created.

curious79 · 03/01/2026 08:35

I think she’s still too young to process it maturely and not maybe absorb it as all men are untrustworthy, for example. My DD would/does occasionally throw stuff like that back into my face, and despite my ex being a totally absent tosspot, she can have weirdly protective moments. I don’t think she needs to know and it feels gossipy and/or could feed weird trauma of sorts. Maybe commit to giving her all the detail when she’s a bit older?

Wynter25 · 03/01/2026 08:33

Better to be honest

olololive · 03/01/2026 08:30

My mum never told us, as teenagers we asked if dad had cheated and she got so angry that it made the whole thing into a massive deal and damaged mine and my sister’s relationship with our dad. I wish she had just been honest, her huge reaction made the truth clear anyway.

44PumpLane · 03/01/2026 08:29

I think that at the ages your kids are it's okay to be honest.

Being honest doesn't have to mean giving them every gory detail but letting them know he cheated multiple times (among other things) and you respected yourself and them too much to put up with it any longer, is a perfectly acceptable reply.

KurtCobainLover · 03/01/2026 08:29

I split with my exdh when my two were similar ages. DD guessed that he had cheated on me and asked outright. I was a bit taken aback as I’d never planned on telling them but I decided to be honest and say yes he had and that we had worked very hard to put our differences to the side and be good parents to her and DS.

She did ask her dad about it and he refused to discuss it.

Myfridgeiscool · 03/01/2026 08:28

My DD has been getting a drip feed over the years. It started with ‘wasn’t very kind to me’ but now she’s getting a little more detail, it’s all part of life skills for healthy relationships. (She’s 13 now).

PersephoneParlormaid · 03/01/2026 08:27

The nitty gritty isn’t any of their business IMO, but I would tell her that he cheated multiple times and that’s not what you do in a committed relationship, so you ended it.
Im the grown up child in this situation and my mum never told me anything, but I know he had an affair and got her pregnant so moved in with her. As an adult (after mum had died) I asked dad about it but only got his side, I’d have liked mum to have had her say.

Yoheresthestory · 03/01/2026 08:24

I think at that age I’d be honest and try keep emotion out of it. I’d also try use it as a lesson to her about what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship.