Aibu for thinking this is a little weird?

My daughter is 8, unless I know the parent there is no way I would leave her alone with someone who is in essence a stranger. Not a parenting insult against OP as she seems to keep inferring. A personal choice for my child’s safety.

My daughter (now 25) had a friend in primary school who regularly used to bring her little sister (4 yrs younger) along on play dates. Fast forward to where the little sister is 17 and starts going out with my middle son who is a few months older. They are 21 now and have been together for over 4 years!
I never had an issue with my kids having other kids over and we always had (and still do have) an open house policy in that respect. It’s great because you get to know who they are hanging out with, you get to know the parents as well and honestly it’s always worked really well for us.
imagine how weird it would have been now, if I’d been arsey about the little sister coming along with her big sister to play with my daughter back then!
The huge plus is that all my four kids’ friends talk to us parents about all sorts, even now they are young adults. They are generally a really nice bunch of young people and they feel welcome and comfortable at our house.

Perhaps not.

My child hasn't. She's home schooled. To each their own.

not on a Sunday.

For a start you dont bring more kids than are invited whether you stay or not. This is absolutely my biggest pet hate

Normally at age 8 you'd pick both children up from school, go home, have tea, play for a bit and either drop the child off or they get collected about 6pm.
Then next time the other parent does the same.

Definitely cultural. Southern italian parents would also stay. I've also had this with Romanian and Ukrainian parents. They see it as a chance to get to know you, and alao feel an expectation to stay. Most also wouldnt entrust you with their children until they've already been to your.house and consider you a friend. Now that's obviously a generalisation with many exceptions but I'd say a cultural difference exists.

Yeah… I’m still going to say 8 is too young to be leaving your child with someone (or people) you don’t know. There’s nothing over cautious or paranoid about that.

Wow, what an awful experience!

Haha my good friend sometimes calls me to ask if she can borrow my DD because her DD (5yo) wouldn’t leave her alone and she needs things done. So I send my DD for couple of hours to hers. The girls get on so well they could play for hours together. It’s a real godsend a friend like that.

Not sure if it matters but I’m not British and would absolutely not leave my child in a strangers house for a play date. If I get to know one of the parents and feel comfortable that’s fine. You are weird OP you got to the age of 8 of your child and never had any friends over before.

It may just have been a misunderstanding. Sticking around for a play date would be my idea of hell. I hate staying for birthday parties too but this weirdly seems to be the done thing. Parents never stayed at parties in the 90s.

I don’t think it’s weird at all that she stayed when she didn’t know you. I think it’s weird she stayed that long though!

Years ago, when my daughter had just started secondary school (ie 11 yrs old) she met an Albanian girl who’d gone to a different primary and told me that we’d both been invited to their house “so her mother could meet me”. I thought it was a bit strange, but as we live in Greece and it is usual to take cakes to someone’s house when you are first invited over, I went to the local patisserie and bought a lovely gateaux. My daughter and I arrived on time at this woman’s house and were left waiting about 15 minutes downstairs at the front door to the apartment block until she finally came down to let us in. She’d answered the bell and said I’ll been down in a minute and left us both waiting, rather than buzzing us in.
Then she proceeded to come down herself (without the child) said hello and looked me up and down, took the gateaux off me that I offered her and then made it perfectly clear that only my daughter could stay “but for just 20 minutes as they were going out”!
I politely said we didn’t want to inconvenience them if something had come up last minute and we would leave and do it another time. She said that it wasn’t something last minute, so I asked why she had invited us over at all if they had something else arranged and why she had specifically invited me as well in order to “meet me”? She rudely said “well, I’ve met you now, haven’t I” All this while we were still standing just inside the central downstairs entrance of the building with her clutching the gateaux I’d just given her after the initial greeting!
I was gobsmacked to say the least!

You’ve obviously never seen Morherland! You have to stipulate that it’s a ‘drop off’ 😆

No it’s not normal but I wonder if she struggles to make mum friends so wanted to stay. Next time be clearer.

By the age of 8 this is not normal. If she's coming over again spell out what time she should be dropped off and picked up.

"I’ve never actually spoken to the mum before as I rarely see her at the school." This is the problem. Don't expect people you've never spoken to to want to drop their child off with you in your home. Far too many weirdos around these days for parents to be ok with that. If you want your child's friend to come on unaccompanied play dates, suggest meeting her and her mum at the park or soft play or something a few times first, so mum knows the adult who will be looking after her kid on an unaccompanied play date!

I'm very sorry this was your experience and I can see why you would be so cautious.

I wouldn’t say irresponsible, more naive. I wished I could be so trusting, but in my circle of friends almost all of them (apart from me and one other) were sexually abused growing up. The abusers ranged from brothers, uncles, step dads etc this has made me very wary of who I leave my kids with.

As the mother of a 6 and 7 year old I wouldn’t be comfortable with this at all. I would never leave my child with a stranger. It’s surprises me how many people would do this tbh.

It does sound like more of a cultural thing. Chalk it down to experience and next time give clearer invite details in terms of what is expected.

Can see both sides to this. For Year 2 and below, parents staying for the first few play dates was normal if they didn’t know you, your wider family, or the other people in the house well. She doesn’t know you, your spouse, any potential boys in the house, or whether you have other adults or older kids coming in and out, that she might not feel comfortable with her daughter being around. I can think of two friends who had issues with older brothers or friends of older brothers growing up, and in today’s world that might be very much on her mind too. She is probably 99% sure all is good, but if you haven’t even spoken, it seems quite sensible and normal to stay.

Although mums staying for eight year olds wouldn’t be the norm, it would be incredibly unusual to get to Year 3 and beyond and have friends’ parents not know you well, which might be why drop and go is more normal then. The fact that she hasn’t spoken to you and your children are friends might actually be ringing alarm bells for her. I know the mums of the kids my DCs are not friends with pretty well by Year 3, and the ones they are friends with very well, for example, we’ve usually done things like play dates ( initially with parents), whole family walks, or day out meetups.

However, a five hour play date is too long. Unless I know someone very well and we reciprocate childcare days, I aim for two to three hours max. If you said it was a birthday tea, perhaps the mum thought it would be around two hours.

I don’t understand the “age 8 is ok to drop and leave them” when you don’t know the parent/s. You don’t know who else is in the house. 8 is still so young.

I just wouldn’t do what you did. The only kids we’ve had over to play are kids whose parents we know well enough (which has been achieved through playground conversations / play dates outside the house such as parks / etc).

I don't think it's ts weird to stay. My daughters friends parents stay a lot of the time, we end up having a loooong chat sometimes which can b ok but can also feel a bit much. I never keep anyone for longer than 3 hrs as I say I'm off somewhere if it goes on.

I think its perfectly normal to bring a sibling and to stay.

But if how we do it seems rude, I can see why she would err on the side of caution.

My DCs went to school with many polish children and I noticed that they very rarely dropped and left at parties, they would typically stay (and often help!) we didn’t do many play dates as I worked full time but those where we went to their homes, I was invited to stay too and there would be refreshments etc ie actively hosting. I would assume basically cultural difference and not wanting to be seen as rude. Next time, you could explicitly say to her that it’s fine for her to drop off. I don’t think it’s weird.