Yet another in laws one

@Brefugee yes treated as a nanny if she is in a house of four adults and no one but her is expected to watch the children non stop.

That's being used as a nanny in this situation not as a valid adult person who may also like to have some adult conversation and a break

In which case op being there and the Dc are redundant.

I was about to write the same thing.

Survive until leaving time. And don’t visit again for a long time. You aren’t going to change their opinion by talking to them

yes but "nanny to the children"? her own children?

and why the heck weren't the kids out playing in the snow????

The children should not have been darting in and out of rooms. I don't really know why none of the 4 adults told them to stop. (I do not hold to the "nobody must speak to my children" bollocks. If they are in my house and the parents aren't stopping them, i will)

That aside. It is not acceptable to scream at children in their faces. (i get it if you are shouting at them for trying to run under a bus and you are shocked, that is it)

And i would be telling the in-laws that it was unacceptable and is not to happen again. (check before your next visit that you have enough to occupy them, weather sensible clothes, and that there is a hotel nearby where you could go to if it isn't working out at the inlaws).

Good luck

Fil shouted at them to get off the stairs
Yes he was wrong to shout but they were playing on stairs and had knocked the gate over so potentially could have been a lot more serious. Maybe it gave him a fright and that's why he shouted. Young children need supervision

@Whyherewego well yes all hands to the decks
No one should expect mum to be on guard In a strange home with nothing to occupy children at all and precious things everywhere.

To be fair . Like most elderly people who don't had kids around often , they are intolerant to noise. Chances are they were sitting down stairs getting more and more stressed listening to the kids thunder around upstairs waiting for you to step in and address it which you didn't . The loud unknown crash probably sent them over the edge and thy over reacted .
I personally wouldn't fall out over this. I'd use it for a life lesson about how they can and can't behave in other peoples homes especially those without small children . 🤷🏻

I don't think the FIL and MIL were friendly or reasonable at all.

But you cannot expect to allow kids to play unsupervised in a home that isn't set up for small kids. If you are referring to my home as being unfriendly, I literally just spokke to my brother who said it was the most relaxing Christmas ever! Yes one of us kept an eye on the kids at all times but it was all hands on deck so myself, my DP etc all took turns

Ah thanks yes I did miss that! Though have they not gone out to play in it?
Mine would absolutely love that (we live where it never snows) so taking them out for a snowy walk and to make a snow man would be a treat!

Op literally said that there are breakables everywhere.

To make ops life easier the in laws could have packed their breakables away, given the young ages of the children.

Op hasn’t specifically said that the in-laws didn’t play with the children but she has said they were very bored and nothing for them to do.

I wouldn’t go again. It sounds terrible.

@Moonnstarz I think you missed the part about snow

It’s up to all four of you to occupy the children. When my AC visit they parent their children but we’re quite blasé about possessions in our house. We know they’ll be skipped when we fall off our perches and had “precious” in-laws when ours were young which caused conflict like yours. DH’s family refused to remove anything they didn’t want touched so I feel your frustration.
Tbh your children should have been downstairs whilst running around, not on a separate floor, for their own safety.
Instead of this tension, why not use today to show your FiL and stepMiL how you do parent in their house (being on holiday does not mean you’re off duty) so that future visits run smoothly?
They were wrong to shout but must have reached the end of their tether. All
must see it from each other’s point of view and formulate a strategy to move on.

Go home.

It's just shouting 🤷. Sometimes kids need to be shouted at.

Both of you have valid concerns. Your in-laws for worrying about their possessions being broken and not being used to little children so perhaps were at the end of their tether. And you for worrying that your children were screamed at by their grandparents simply for acting like little children.

My own view is that grandparents should always be kind and lovely. My grandparents didnt raise their voice to me once. My parents did frequently because their job was to parent me. My own in-laws never tell off my children and they are greatly loved. My mother does tell off my children even though she sees them only once a year and it's jarring. It's not her place. Shes their granny, not their mother. If my children were playing up in her house it would be my job to discipline them.

I think they went a bit OTT at shouting so badly.However older people arent used to small DC .And a 2 and 5 year old running around unsupervised, would be difficult for most people I think.If you can get to the soft play centre today, it will help them to burn off some energy! TBH I think you are half to blame as well although they shouldnt have shouted so badly.

There isn't anything to suggest they haven't already done that.
All we know is that the kids are bored. This could be managed better by the adults looking at what they could do.
Like I said my in laws are a bit like this and have lots of china in window sills and easy to reach places. They also have a habit of getting out toys from DHs childhood which are in poor condition. This is why I would take my own toys when they were younger and wanted to play with things like this but also why I would plan in advance days out.
Before the trip DH and yourself could have looked at what to do in the area and made suggestions for your visit. Wouldn't it be nice to take the children to the zoo? How about going bowling one afternoon? Shall we bring our swimming costumes and book a session at the local pool?
You say DH doesn't have a good relationship with his dad - maybe his dad isn't good with children and maybe the in-laws need more guidance for what to do when you visit.

I don't tell my DGC off if their parents are there, I do believe it's their job. And they always have

If they're not there then obviously I do but I don't think, although I've raised my voice, I've ever shouted in their faces. Why would you do that?

Does the stepmother have children herself?

I think leave, OP, but don’t say what you’re thinking or what you have suggested. Silence speaks loud other than words and, on reflection, possibly everybody could’ve managed this a bit better.

Discretion is the better part of valour.

@grinchmcgrinchface and what about two young humans who have been screamed at

Leave this morning & don’t stay again have them visit you or book a hotel. It’s clearly to much for them however you should of been supervising your children. No exccuse.

@Readyforarefresh my disabled Df used to get water colours out and do painting and yes also got a remote control car, Lego ,puzzles

You need to leave and probably not stay again but I think you should have been looking after your children. A 2 year old upstairs without supervision is not on. Just a stair gate! It could have really hurt one of your children.

@Whyherewego i can tell you now in such an unfriendly home there is no way I spend my holiday with two small DC in such an environment. Being used a nanny to watch the Dc all the time whilst everyone else has a relaxed sit down.
With young DC it's all hands to the wheel and put the DC first.
Fil sounds stupid and selfish and the fact that the real mil is fine and spends lots of time with them says loads .

If you don't want people to visit fine.

It’s meeting half way though isn’t it?

If grandparents actually want to see their children and grandchildren, then why should they share some of the load of playing with them? It isn’t dumping the children at all. They could at least have packed their breakables away. Everyone knows that toddlers are into everything.

When we used to visit my in-laws my fil would spend ages playing Lego, he bought one of those little tikes cars and would push all of the dgc around in it. Mil would set up a craft table.