AIBU to think we can’t profoundly change ourselves after middle age?

Imho op, very respectfully, you couldn’t be more wrong!

Once your young adult children leave home, it gives you a whole new lease of life. You now have all of this bandwidth to focus on yourself and this leads to profound changes ime. In fact I think it is one of the most dramatic life shifts that a woman can go through, judging from myself and my friends.

I’ve gone from being a pt sahm and pt sedentary freelancer in the city to an active lifestyle in the country raising animals where I am planning to set up a small business.

My closest friend has gone from being an sahm to being a commercial artist and now exhibits internationally.

Another friend has downsized dramatically and spends her life travelling solo.

Another friend had taken up deep sea diving with her husband,

One has joined a writing group and is trying to write a novel.

I could go on … .

I think this is nonsense. For a lot of people it’s the easiest time to do it as children may have heft home, or at least be much more independent, and you suddenly have loads of time to concentrate on yourself instead stuck in managing a home and kids lives, with patterns of behaviour you have developed to deal with all of that.

I’m about to turn 51 and will graduate from my medical degree in June and start work as a doctor in August. I’ve lost seven stone and am far healthier than I was…and I look very different. This from struggling for 15 years as a skint single parent to two children. There are many obstacles to making huge changes in your life but I don’t feel like age is the biggest one.

You can - but you have to really, really want to. It requires motivation and self awareness. Often it’s prompted by a life event. It’s hard though so I understand where you’re coming from when you say it’s not possible, most people don’t have the wherewithal to do it.

I'm autistic and middle aged, but I like to think I've bucked the trend. I went on a health kick in 2024, lost 3 stone, took up hybrid fitness training and have done 3 races, hoping to do my first Hyrox this year in a pair with a gym buddy.

I think what's harder when you get older is that old patterns are more entrenched and hold more of a pull. The couch still has a siren call, but I have to consciously not give in to it, and remind myself that's not who I am now.

Of course you can change. I'm mid 40s and am far calmer and comfortable in my own mind and body than I've ever been and I've worked at it. I've changed careers and more than doubled my wage in the last 5 years and learnt new skills and technologies. I've lost 5-6 stone and completely changed my wardrobe too. I'm growing as a mum and partner as well as in myself. I've come a long way and am still looking to grow and learn more. If not now, when?

You definitely can OP! I quit drinking nearly 2 years ago & it has changed me & how I live my life massively! I was heading for an early grave but now I’m just entering my 60s & making all sorts of plans! Hoping to learn Italian, join a musical theatre singing group, go to fitness classes including Pilates which I used to really enjoy, plan to research cheap flights & just go somewhere I’ve never visited before, set up a You Tube channel for my piano playing & more! Plus being sober has given me a much closer, calmer relationship with DD17. I’m a better Mum for sure. Also as I get older, I’m taking less crap from people & that includes friends. Realised that some of my friends were actually bringing me down & that I don’t need that negativity! I really did used to tolerate a lot!

Is there a reason you're asking OP?

100% you can change. This is backed by studies and I see it anecdotally. You can just choose to do something differently
Eg A family friend now says yes to everything so they try things and are more adventurous

Being able to adapt is the reason human beings are the success they are.

We have the necessary skills to change depends if you want to.

This is brilliant.

I stoped drinking at 46. This led to me becoming fitter than ever, and very committed to exercise (mainly after watching my parents suffer in their later years and wanting to avoid doing the same as much as possible).

I took up art lessons, which has led to a wonderful group of new friends and a passion for drawing and painting that I never knew I had.

I did a Masters, which led to another group of great friends.

And I bought a horse! Who has become my best friend of all.

It ain’t over till it’s over, OP.

Loving these inspiring posts. I’ve been in a bit of a rut recently but there’s light at the end of the tunnel!

With respect OP, that's rubbish. I spent my entire career as a secretary sat at a desk then at 61 took on a builder's apprentice role (at my husband's business) and now work on building sites. I have just built a deck from scratch, 5 metres in the air balancing on beams (hence my username), I use all sorts of power tools, I climb ladders, install guttering, carry heavy pieces of wood, drive the van, etc. I never thought I would be able to do any of this.

I left teaching at 45, learned a trade and started a whole new life and I love it.

It feels rather ageist and limiting to think otherwise! At 50 I started a new hobby unexpectedly, became passionate about it, qualified to teach it and had a full career change. Or are you maybe talking about your personality/internal rumination style? I feel I softened my rigidity a lot, that took some effort to do!
If you’re talking about even older - my mother got her last degree aged 68.

I was diagnosed at 65 as ADHD - gave me a completely different take on my past life and changes to improve it in the future.

Isnt that what mid life crises are all about

Of course you can! Sometimes it takes therapy or a lot of self reflection and work but you can.

absolutely yes! At 55 I relocated to a new area, took up new hobbies, started to travel-mostly solo

I love my new life!

Dh (55) has just finished an OU degree. Took him six years so mega committed.

I would hope we can. I am late 30s and I am still very much learning and looking for self improvement.

Double post.

I think that you can change yourself if you’re really motivated. Often it’s associated with increased confidence and also the realization that time is passing quickly - if you want to do something, you’d getter get on with it. 😂

I know several people in their 50’s and 60’s who are getting new qualifications, traveling, taking up new hobbies, because they know that they need to do it now, not in 10 years.