AIBU to think we can’t profoundly change ourselves after middle age?

"It ain’t over till it’s over, OP." @BlueEyedBogWitch

This!

My friend celebrated getting her PhD when she was 70.

I changed my relationship with food in my 50s and have lost 7 stone along the way and took up the gym at 67 and go almost every day.

I strongly disagree. I have seen people make big changes during and after middle age. People change abusive patterns, people gain qualifications for a career change, people get over addictions. It's never too late.

At 56, I'm unrecognisable from the person I was at 48. I was a miserable, anxious, short tempered couch potato, who ate junk, drank, had very little interests outside of the TV, and would never step out of my comfort zone.
I'm now a fit as a fiddle teetotal vegan who will try anything once, loves the outdoors, reads extensively, seeks out cultural experiences and is as calm and happy as a clam.
It started with a health kick in lock down and has just gone on from there.

I was brought up (born in 1950) "never,say never" and "there's no such thing as can't, can't means won't". Some fabulous, inspiring stories on here. I learned to ride,did full contact karate,watched the Karate Kid,boy did it hurt! Learned to swim. The karate also meant learning a bit of Japanese.

I honestly don't think it's possible at any time after about age 18.

That’s amazing, well done to you and good luck with your new career.

I have learnt French to A level standard in my 60s. Though I did do French O level 50 years ago. The real challenge might be to learn a language that I didn't do at school, like Spanish.

It depends what you call profund change. I don't think people can change their core personality, but sometimes people behave in certain ways because of external factors or circumtances that can change. I also believe that people evolve naturally.

I disagree:

in my late 40s/early 50s I became more confident, started exercising regularly and took on new activities like pilates, running and horseriding, moved to a new town by the sea, cut toxic relatives out of my life, bought my first house on my own and stopped worrying about what people think of me. I also ditched my toxic employer after 3 years of misery and got them to give me a financial settlement.

It is never too late to make positive changes.

Depends on the risks associated with not making the changes I guess, and whether you care enough about the risk or whether they’ll impact greatly enough to (probably) scare you into making the changes.

Op, I do believe we can change, and for the better. I've made some significant postive changes and I know a number of other people who have changed their lives, some are close friends and family and I'm very proud of them and all they've achieved.

I think a lot of people do change quite profoundly in mid life - because you realise time is short and have had enough of living it on other people's terms, along with having gained more confidence in yourself over the years. Plus some people have more financial freedom.

I can think of quite a few people who've made dramatic changes in their 50s, 60s and even 70s.

The potential for change is different to the sort of endless possibilities privileged young adults have, but I don't think it's any less rich - arguably it's more layered.

And mine.

I think it's very difficult but it's certainly possible as I've done it

Put in a position where I'm married to, and by choice committed to, a man whose health issues have changed him physically and mentally, I've changed things about myself that I would have told you 5 years ago it wasn't possible to change.

It does, though, cause me a lot of stress and every now and then I have a meltdown.

Menopause has been great. Am reinventing myself.

Absolutely possible. I am a vastly different person to who I was seven months ago. All it took was a messy breakup and self-reflection that followed. I had to relearn who I was after a long term relationship and decided that rather than doing that, I'd become someone I always wanted to be instead.

I had my first book published in my late forties, took up running in my mid fifties, lost four stone in my late fifties - not sure what else there is left of me to change, to be honest.

Love this so much!

My mum was a geriatric nurse for years. She always told me that whatever problematic personality quirks you had get worse when you're older, so its best to spot them and find ways to deal with them before you get old. In middle age we might notice these better (or our partner/family make us aware of them!) And I don't think thats too late to get counselling or therapy to work through ways of doing things differently. Your carers in later life will thank you!

You are wrong!

I started a business at age 40 after a decade of being a SAHM and now employ 40 people. It's been challenging at times and hard AF but I was very determined to do it and so I have. It only takes about 21 days for something to become a habit and so regardless of age, we can fall into habitual patterns very quickly - both good and bad.

Yeah. I didn't go to uni until I was in my 40s, got a First, went on to do a Masters, worked in a research setting for a while, them trained to be a teacher in my 50s. Currently loving life.

Rubbish. At 62 I have stopped smoking (after 50 years) and taken up weightlifting and learning the piano. I trained in a new career at 58.

If you want to believe you can't change that's up to you but your mind is the only think that's stopping you.

This thread is totally inspiring. As someone driven almost to the brink of a breakdown by a horrible corporate job and desperately trying to remake my life in my 50s, this has given me so much hope and loads of respect for those of you who have relaunched yourself.

At 49 I started a completely new career. Something I had never done before. I've progressed and now my life is massively different. I did it for extra security and to fulfil a personal goal which we now have and we are due to move this year into a home made possible by my career change. Every New Year I set my goals for the year (financial, personal, whatever) and they all involve some level of change.