AIBU to think we can’t profoundly change ourselves after middle age?

I don't think it's either or, I think both can happen at the same time.

For example, the lack of sensory gating of noises that set off my misophonia has markedly increased to the point where I noticeably flinch when a dog barks or a child screams in a cafe, while I have, through necessity, increased my patience hugely through mixing in an age group of declining physical and mental ability.

The parent/owner of the child/dog would perceive me as worse and my friends and acquaintances would experience me as better.

It's definitely possible to decide to change a lot of things, though.

I’ve often thought about this. That people either become better or worse as they get older. In terms of personality I mean. You can either expand and become wiser/more grounded or you contract and your flaws become more pronounced. Yes you might make the people around you suffer but ultimately you yourself will suffer the most if you don’t grow as a person. This thought has spurred me on many a time to become a better human being!

We can't change our fundamental personalities but we can change our behaviour - a very different thing.

This came in my news feed this morning. I thought you might like to read it.

www.bbc.com/future/article/20260102-how-i-changed-my-personality-in-six-weeks

@FiveMetresUp - would he take on any more apprentices?

Just asking for a reasonably 59y old friend… 😉

Of course you can. I just keep getting better with age. At 64 my career has never been better, I've moved cross country for a better life and made lots of friends. Ive lost the 5 stone thats been hanging around for 30 years and ironed out the worst of my personality flaws and had some therapy for that.
Women are better at this than men though.

There are some awesome examples on this thread. I'm stuck in a rut in my mid forties, despite being a big believer in our ability to change, and am very inspired by some of the posts on here. Thank you everyone for sharing and good luck OP - walking sounds like a great place to start. There's so much evidence about the mental health benefits of walking as well as the physical ones.

I am researching new career options there’s always hope

Yes! Of course you can! You change when a teenager to when you are in your twenties and then change again when you become parents or have a career!!! Fundamentally you are who you are but life pressures and circumstances determine your views and outlook on life

I am in my 50’s and am not the person I was when I was in my 30’s because my children are grown up and my day to day life is very different

People who don’t change are those that don’t want to and that’s fine but change is good!!!!!

I've changed so much in the last 15 years. Absolutely we can. I expect to keep learning and changing until I die.

Totally agree @Imdunfer.DH and I started doing 10K steps a day late last autumn and it’s great, we both feel much better. I had two foot operations last year and had to ease carefully back into exercise, walking is a great choice.

Please walk, it will do wonders for your state of mind. I have both osteo and rheumatoid arthritis and my hips would be very painful if I didn't walk. The recommendation is 3 or 4 miles at more than a dawdle but less than a march, 3 times a week.

God luck with the search for a new job and a new you!

If course you can change if you want to or have to
It's someone whose behaviour is nasty and they are happy with it even when it affects other people says they can't change what they mean is that they don't want to change, their behaviour gets them what they want, or they are just too lazy to change for the better

I agree with @DarkForces , we might not want to change some aspects of our nature, it’s who we are but if something isn’t serving us we can work to modify it. Mindfulness practice has made me less basically anxious. I naturally avoid conflict, I used to throw myself under a bus to avoid it but I have practiced setting boundaries while still being polite and it’s becoming how I naturally operate now.

I’m 74 and I am still changing. I changed to a vegetarian diet 3 years ago. I have worked on changing the way I relate to people and with consistent practice it’s been effective. Since my husband died I have taught myself more practical skills. I just think you need to want to change things and be willing to put some effort in.

I think it's more about working with our nature. I've learnt be much more aware of irritation and acknowledge it and let it pass through me rather than surprise it and let it spike as anger later on. I recognise getting irritated by small stuff isn't ideal but it's part of my makeup so I have to work with it so it doesn't impact me beyond being a minor discomfort. Other people will have different challenges but accepting who you are and working with it rather than letting it limit you is certainly something I'm honing in my 4th decade

My life has since 37, has been plagued by poor health ( yes I left my ex husband and sons, having spent a decade trying to fix marriage), then severe menopause at 45, bad depression at 59, which I believe was Parkinson’s kicking in at 60 , diagnosed then.
Told probably had it 5 years, I’m jealous of the very able 60+ folk, it is what it is mid stage.
i aim to do what I can when and have no regrets

Can I ask whether you go to the gym or weights at home?

I suppose what I’m saying is - we can change nurture. But we can’t change nature.

Well done you 🙌 ☺️
I loved reading all the stories here , so uplifting & encouraging.
What a really good thread .
Love It ❤️

It depends on what formed your personality, or 'character'. Illness, accidents or medication can change our personality. If you've developed via a traumatic childhood, then violent relationship etc and because of that you have negative traits, impulsive behaviour, anger issues etc, you can change that. Research shows that Buddhist meditation can change our brains. Techniques can help us to change. Empathy can be learnt. We can learn how we are all connected, why rules etc are important.
If that wasn't the case we couldn't rehabilitate trafficked children, child soldiers, drug users, sex workers etc.

I had a baby at 46, so yeah, things are changing all the time. Started the career I always wanted at 48. I'm a late bloomer, good things come to those who wait and all that, feel like I'm only just getting started.

Cheers to anyone who's living the life they want, whatever age you are. We only get one, as far as I know, so do with it as you will, but don't blame anyone or anything, not even age, if you're not happy with it. It's all in your hands.

It is absolutely possible; see once I retired I have lost a stone, lift weights twice week, have learnt a musical instrument (grade 6), travelled the world, done a university course in history and archaeology and volunteered in new areas. My life is richer and I am fitter than when I was working, overweight, unfit and spending my life bringing up children. I am calmer, less stressed and happier. I am probably the same person underneath, I was always a kind and happy personality, but I am able to express myself better.