I Hate Living Alone

Divorced here, and kids living with me, but I don’t think I’d be very good at living alone. Having children in the house is very different to having another adult in the house. I worry a lot about what sort of life I’ll live if/when they all grow up and move out.

You are pining for your ex, you say.

I suspect once you stop doing that, having a few nights alone will not be a problem at all.

Your feelings about your relationship are the issue, not the living alone. It's a symptom, not the cause.

Really, the best cure is time. And to keep busy on those nights - join a gym, go to a class and then sit in a sauna. See friends, go to their houses after their kids are in bed for a herbal tea and chat. Go to the theatre/gig/cinema etc. Volunteer. Make new friends.
Do loads of errands so your time with your kid is not spent doing so much domestic work.
But mostly, you have to work on reframing your way of thinking about living alone. Practice some gratitude - sounds cheesy but you need to retrain your brain.

You have a different life now but it will still be a good life.

Also, adopt a nice snuggly cat.

It's obvious what she means.

I think every person is different …. I live alone normally and although I like my own company and I’m not a needy person , living alone can be soul destroying . I was made redundant aswell last year and honestly I spend 95% of my time alone. I have family but it’s not the same . You’re still coming home to an empty house (when you ain’t got your child)

I literally feel like my world has got really small . My friend goes on and on about her living alone but she doesn’t . She has an adult daughter who she lives with and watches films with every night , they have the same sort of sense of humour and so they chatter away and have fun together most nights …
she is not by herself , it’s totally different and I imagine having a young child is like company like having a pet . They give you cuddles and a reason to get up in a morning but you can’t go to them to talk about your day .

People who don’t live by themselves don’t understand and they never will . The loneliness is really hard .

Do not, I repeat, do not get a dog. I am saying that as someone who got one 14 years ago in the same situation and learnt the hard way that unless you have the money bags and time to be at the dog sitters continually, navigating work and regaining your social life will be so much harder.

It must be such a huge adjustment and will take time.

(I’m on the opposite spectrum and live alone and would find it hard living with people)

Definitely get out when DC aren't there.

Are there any hobbies or activities you used to do that you could pick back up?

If you want people to talk to I wonder if you could volunteer for one of those chat services for lonely people? It'd be a very kind thing to do and would probably help.

Any chance of a pet? Or walking a neighbours dog? Walking a dog is very sociable, everyone talks to you.

It's just because it's new and your used to someone being there. It will get better

When I first left the kids dad I hated being alone. 8 years down the line I love it so much 😅

I say alone, DS9 is currently in bed next to me 😅

I think often people talk about the pleasures of being alone when it isn't their default mode or when they're really glad to be rid of someone. Your situation sounds really hard. Is there anyone who would be able to come for longer, eg sister or mum who could stay for the weekend regularly? It will get better over time but that's not much consolation now. My other tip would be to get out of the house more when your DS isn't there - get a cinema pass or something, or join classes where it's set up so you get to chat to people. The pub alone is hard because it's supposed to be so bloody social.

You don’t live alone you live with your child.