I Hate Living Alone

I would try to organise regular social activities for the nights your son isn't in. Some kind of club or just regularly seeing friends.

I promise you it will get easier, I think your lonely and sad, well done for going out on your own and making an effort, this feeling won’t last, I have in the passed volunteered at a charity shop, you could do every other Saturday, it will get to chatting to people and getting to know them. Do you think you need to talk to a Dr could you be depressed? Which with such be changes could be possible. I hope things will get easier for you and I’m sure they will.

I think this is so true, with wise suggestions that also worked for me. You’re possibly feeling a bit of a failure OP - I did- plus it doesn’t help that culturally, coupledom tends to be presented as the ideal. So give yourself plenty of time to adjust.

Your home is your refuge and as you found out, there is great loneliness in an unhappy relationship. It’s worth taking time to make it a space that is comforting and welcoming to you.

In the end, we are all alone.

You don't have to explain yourself to this person OP. Anyone with a shred of decency knows what you mean.

So sorry for what you're going through. My mum was the same after dad left for much younger woman. She was utterly devastated and terrified alone. It got better but you need lots of time to heal.

People saying you must be enjoying the alone time have obviously never had their lives turned upside down ffs. Mum always described it as a bereavement of the person she married, while this awful version of him was nearby humiliating her.

Mum eventually built a whole new life and community through her church and genuinely ended up very happy with her peace.

Short term, agree with others that a pet could help, gentle group/hobby activities such as walking and perhaps some counselling?

OP, can you pinpoint exactly what it is about living alone that you don't like? Because those of us who enjoy being alone do find it hard to understand.

Hobbies. Whether that’s a dog, cat, painting, listening to audiobooks etc. When I’m absorbed in my hobbies I forget everything else. But give yourself time to adjust and get used to your new situation before you can figure out what YOU want!

I've been where you are many years ago. To begin with you are dealing with shock and upset, worries about your DC, and the breakdown of the family unit-how that will affect your child.
I was also dealing with disgusting, abusive manipulative behaviour at every turn. My DC were 2 & 1 at the time. Remember this; nothing stays the same for ever, good, or bad. It just can't. So the positives were, I changed career, being an animal lover I rescued a cat, then we got a dog, I co-parented the best I could for the sake of the DC, who are now both through Uni, in emotionally stable relationships and on the way to having successful careers. I kept the radio on day and night, kept up with old friends, and made new ones but that takes time and came with the career change. I remarried but that didn't work for very different reasons and we remain good friends-but living alone with my two dogs is where I've found my peace. I absolutely love it and will never share my home with anyone ever again. Wishing you all the happiness moving forward OP-things do get easier.

Excellent advice!

It must be very tough right now. But as you said, you’re missing your ex partner and coping with the shock of him leaving. I was in the same position as you many years ago (no children). I left so low and coming back to an empty, silent house was soul destroying. I now live by myself out of choice, and I love it. I’m sure they’ll come a time when you’ll relish a day at home by yourself. But in the meantime try to keep busy, feel the house with music and break the day into chunks. Getting a rescue cat is a good idea,
not a dog (amazing but much harder work than people think). Take care of yourself.

I see these posts periodically so I’ll say what I always say having been through similar.

Let yourself feel lonely. Just feel it. Don’t stifle it or distract yourself with friends etc.

You will get through the other side of this, get comfortable in your own company and start to enjoy it.

It’s important to do this, it means your boundaries will be strong and you will never compromise your space for a shit relationship because you don’t need the company.

It's not being alone that's the problem, it's the fact you're grieving your relationship.

I'd seek some counselling to help you with the latter.

A few evenings alone is great! You can watch / eat / do whatever you want. I spend my evenings alone catching up on my Etsy shop and on my hobbies. I do a lot of crafts.

Mostly I love my alone time because I can be completely selfish and focus only on me.

Totally agree with this - I have friends who think it must be wonderful to have so much time alone, but it's the ones who have never lived alone, or live really near family and pop in every other day. Pets do help, but they're not humans. Groups help but sometimes you're just exhausted (or unwell) and you have to weigh up whether you need company or rest more. Sometimes you just want to sit in silence with someone, or watch a TV programme together or for someone else to bring you a cuppa.

However... I've lived alone at various times in life (currently for coming up on six years) and while it isn't my preference, it is so much better than what I left - a terrible relationship. I try to remind myself of that when I get down about it.

My husband works away mom to Fri every other week I have 3 children under 5 and the balance actually works really welll ( no family help ) so I am solo alternative but would I hell want to be alone full time I would definitely be lonely even with 3 noisy children. Take time to heal from the breakdown of your marriage being no fault of your own and the future will be brighter I’m sure x

Hugs. It’s very new and you’ve just had your first Xmas / new year and going through winter imo the worst time. Definitely keep up with trying new groups / hobbies , swimming , Pilates ? Do you work with any nice colleagues you could start a walking group through winter or pub quiz?

Filling the lonely gaps with visitors only plugs them for that short time - it's accepting that this is your life at the moment that is the answer. I found evening routine helped, broke the time up into chunks that I felt were doable. I also agree about a cat (not a dog) as they are fairly independent but can be relied upon to love you to bits when they're hungry and it's good to feel there's another beating heart in the place. Would a cat work? My worst time was the Easter break - no work for 4 days and everyone busy busy with their families. Sending a hug, it does get better 💐

It can be really tough, especially when it's not your choice or your preference. My mum is quite newly widowed- she can live alone just fine but is not currently living alone through choice or happy circumstance and says it's very different and a bit tougher than when she has been alone previously. It still has downsides when you're happy alone/ alone by choice. I coped fine and enjoyed it when I was single - but still had lonely spells. I used to save my admin for a couple of nights a week- it definitely filled the time.

Some of the suggestions upthread are pretty good. If the issue is coming back to a quiet house- radio or podcast and then a bit of a wind down routine so you've got something that fills in time / you're repeating not thinking for some time?

Life will change and get fuller but it will take time. I hope you find some things that bring you satisfaction.

What was the point of this comment?

It can take so much time to adjust to living on your own, OP.
In my case, it was I who left, but living alone with two 6 month old babies? It was pretty miserable in many respects for the first year to 18 months.
It did get easier and, 7.5 years later, I genuinely enjoy living alone (my DC are with me FT, so always have someone in the home with me!), but when you are used to your life with another adult and that is taken from you in a situation not of your making? I think that must really exacerbate the sense of loneliness.
Sending you a massive hug.

You know very well that’s not what she means. What a smug, unhelpful comment.

It takes time to adjust to living alone. It’s tough not having someone to chat with when you’re usually around people.
it’ll get easier and become your safe space.

My DH died recently. I have a dog and she’s amazing. She’s such great company, I never feel alone.

So perhaps get a dog or a cat.

I was going to suggest a cat.
All you have to do for her would be pour all your heart into her and love her madly. She’ll do it right back.
There'll always be that heartbeat in the house when you come in, and a little soul always so delighted you are back where you belong!
Great as bed companions, good for soothing a bad back, takes the bins out, DD will adore her…..and so on. Don’t delay!

I am single mum of 10 years. I found it hard at first too OP, but it does get easier. Listening to podcasts actually helps a lot too.

Its not being alone that is the issue, its missing that one particular person who would always be there and now isnt.

You are still getting over the end of your marriage and thats the issue I think. Some counselling would help you come to terms with what is rather than what you thought it would be. You are grieving your lost future and that takes time but once you start to see the other side (especially when you begin to see your ex as he really is rather than how you thought he was) then the silence isnt so oppressive. I realised quite early on that I was far more lonely when my ex was sitting next to me than I was when I was alone.

You will get there, this is just a stage on the journey x

Do you have a big enough house to host students or have a lodger? I’m not sure what your DDs disabilities are so that could be a stupid suggestion.