Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad my adult son prefers his girlfriends parents to his own

285 replies

Bossie21 · 02/01/2026 22:28

i thought we were a close family, I have spent my life investing in raising my children and building what I thought was a close family.
my eldest son has been with his girlfriend for just over 2 years, she is nice, spends time at ours and comes out with us and has been a holiday with us. My son has done the same with her family.
they born still live at home but are moving in together at the end of January.
I have noticed over the last 6 months they have started spending most of their time at her parents house and can’t make decisions without her dad agreeing. I have always taught my children to make their own choices and be their own person. I don’t feel he is now.
they have booked a holiday for a week with her parents this year. I have just asked if he is coming on our annual family holiday (i
book 2 weeks but happy for them both to
come for some or all) and he’s said they can’t commit so don’t boom them a space. I am very upset they can commit to her parents but not us.
Am I right to feel a little bit hurt?

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 02/01/2026 22:44

You aren't being unreasonable to "think" that. But you are being unreasonable to "expect" that.

I have observed that girls can often be more entwined with their parents, specifically with their mum, than boys. It maybe because parents are possibly more unconsciously protective towards daughters and sons are unconsciously encouraged to be independent.

And as the female of the partnership can often be the driving force behind things like holiday destinations etc., (I know I am) then this situation can arise.

It is upsetting to feel "second best", but I am sure it's nothing personal against you.

Lifesd · 02/01/2026 22:41

I don’t think you are being unreasonable but unfortunately it is largely the case that the woman’s family take preference (my own experience and anecdotally).

Shinyandnew1 · 02/01/2026 22:39

My Mother in law was like this-used to obsessively compare how much time we spent with my parents and how much time we saw them. She was eaten up with jealousy about it and was such hard work.

Don't be like this! Invite them, tell the you'd love them to come but stop there.

DameOfThrones · 02/01/2026 22:39

Bossie21 · 02/01/2026 22:30

AIBU to think they should share time equally?

You and his girlfriend's parents are not a bag of sweets.

Leave them be, otherwise you'll end up making them feel awkward and pushing them away.

SundayGirl86 · 02/01/2026 22:37

Honestly, I wouldn’t overthink it. Maybe they don’t have enough leave, maybe her parents asked first or they’re paying, or going somewhere your son and girlfriend really want to visit, or just that his girlfriend wanted to go. I’d just say that’s fine and that I hope they have a lovely time. If you make a big deal of it you risk pushing him away.

MumOryLane · 02/01/2026 22:37

Ah OP as the mum of a very young son this breaks my heart as it'll be me in the future. But such is life. The status quo is normally couples closer to the girl's family and it's not realistic that they have time off and money for 2 holidays witj family and time as a couple. Try not to take it too personally.

MaltLoaf27 · 02/01/2026 22:36

You don't give his age but assuming he's an adult you're being totally unreasonable. He doesn't have to go on holiday with you, why is this different to holidaying with friends? He probably can't get time off work for both and maybe just preferred to go on this one. Were you really expecting him to continue to holiday with you indefinitely?

Newyearawaits · 02/01/2026 22:35

You are over thinking OP.
I honestly don't think that anyone should be auditing time spent with either slde of family.
There will be major trouble ahead if you do

Cat1504 · 02/01/2026 22:35

It’s often the way….my DD and SIL spend far more time with us than SILs parents ……doesn’t mean your DS doesn’t love you ….just that he’s going with the flow in the relationship…..and the girlfriend likes to be with her own parents

Original poster
Bossie21 · 02/01/2026 22:30

AIBU to think they should share time equally?

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread