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AIBU?

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Friend being unreasonable .?

161 replies

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 18:33

Happy new year everyone.
Friend of DP arrived at our house on New year eve saying his wife and him having problems and can he stay the one night. We agreed to one night only as to be honest we don’t have the space. New year day he was still here and still here now. DP explained that with three young children we cannot accommodate him . He is sleeping on our sofa and doesn’t get up on the morning so we are walking around him. DP spoke to him this morning again and he said he would help us out anytime which made my DP feel guilty. I want him gone. Apparently his wife has said she doesn’t want him back and has changed the locks and no one else will have him. One night was fine but I honestly think we should be saying he has to go where as DP said we should give him until after the weekend. What are other thoughts ?

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 02/01/2026 18:55

HisNotHes · 02/01/2026 18:49

Why the hell are you tiptoeing round him?! Walk in, open the curtains, say loudly “ok we need to use the lounge now Dave so you’ll have to get up”.

Edited

This.

DP might feel the need to be polite but I wouldn’t! I’d make it very clear I’d said one night and I meant it. He’s taking the piss.

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 02/01/2026 18:54

I’d let him stay one more night, but tell him that you expect him to be up and the sofa straightened by 8am.

He needs to be out by lunch time tomorrow. Why has his wife thrown him out? Was he violent/abusive?

If no abuse, He needs to get a locksmith to the marital home and move back in.

EdgeOfThirtySeven · 02/01/2026 18:53

Legally, if their house is his home, even if he doesn't part-own it, his wife can't deny him access.

ChristmasHug · 02/01/2026 18:52

This is very unreasonable. I can quite understand why he might be in a delicate place and resistant to leaving, so whilst yes he's a grown adult I do think itd be helpful to discuss what he's going to do.

If he owns the house he can go back whether his wife wants him or not. He can break in if needed. He can go to other friends or family. He can book a B&B or hotel for a few nights. He can start renting a room in a house of multiple occupancy pretty quickly.

If you think anything will change in Monday I'd give him til then but it diesnt sound like it so you tell him he is leaving 9am tomorrow.

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 18:51

RessicaJabbit · 02/01/2026 18:51

what can he sort on Monday that he can't sort now? 🤔

That’s wot I said to DP

OP posts:
Motnight · 02/01/2026 18:51

I genuinely don't understand this. Friend turns up uninvited to stay. Gets asked to leave. Says no. And just stays. It's bonkers.

RessicaJabbit · 02/01/2026 18:51

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 18:48

No idea. He told DP he will sort something for Monday.

what can he sort on Monday that he can't sort now? 🤔

LilyBunch25 · 02/01/2026 18:50

Liftedmeup · 02/01/2026 18:43

I would give him longer. He may well be in a state of mental distress and I would want to help and not be too harsh.

OP is not being harsh. They simply don't have space and you cannot have someone camped out in your living room.

TheDaringFawn · 02/01/2026 18:50

Does he drive?

rumred · 02/01/2026 18:49

Id set him a time limit, a short one.
Also why has she changed the locks? Is he violent?

HisNotHes · 02/01/2026 18:49

Why the hell are you tiptoeing round him?! Walk in, open the curtains, say loudly “ok we need to use the lounge now Dave so you’ll have to get up”.

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 18:48

RessicaJabbit · 02/01/2026 18:46

Well where's he going in Monday then....?

No idea. He told DP he will sort something for Monday.

OP posts:
RessicaJabbit · 02/01/2026 18:46

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 18:43

Thanks for your thoughts. He has other friends but they all said no. I have learnt tonight that this happened a couple of years ago when his wife kicked him out and he slept on the sofa for 2 months at another friends. !!! DP never mentioned this as he said I was in hospital having little one and we had enough on at the time.

Well where's he going in Monday then....?

MrsMoastyToasty · 02/01/2026 18:46

Ask him to leave.
If he refuses call the police.
Make life uncomfortable for him. Use your hoover,put the TV when you get up, have a "slanging match" with your DH at the top of your voices, give your dc recorders to learn to play.

Moonnstarz · 02/01/2026 18:45

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 18:44

No quite rural.

Then he will have go go further afield then. It is unfair for you to have to put him up and sounds like he isn't very respectful of being in someone else's house. You need to ask him to go.

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 18:44

Whoneedsanamesuggestion · 02/01/2026 18:40

Are there any cheap hotels he could go to nearby? A travelodge or similar? I guess on monday he will need to ask for help from the LA as he is now homeless, which is very sad

No quite rural.

OP posts:
ProfessorBinturong · 02/01/2026 18:44

If this lazy, selfish guilt-tripping is typical of his behaviour, his wife had the right idea. Follow her example.

Liftedmeup · 02/01/2026 18:43

I would give him longer. He may well be in a state of mental distress and I would want to help and not be too harsh.

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 18:43

Thanks for your thoughts. He has other friends but they all said no. I have learnt tonight that this happened a couple of years ago when his wife kicked him out and he slept on the sofa for 2 months at another friends. !!! DP never mentioned this as he said I was in hospital having little one and we had enough on at the time.

OP posts:
GreenPoms · 02/01/2026 18:41

HoppityBun · 02/01/2026 18:40

I think that the three of you will have to sit down together and talk through what his options are. You’re going to be making him think about what’s going to happen and help him to make a plan.

He’s a grown man. He should be capable of coming up with his own plans.

HoppityBun · 02/01/2026 18:40

I think that the three of you will have to sit down together and talk through what his options are. You’re going to be making him think about what’s going to happen and help him to make a plan.

Whoneedsanamesuggestion · 02/01/2026 18:40

Are there any cheap hotels he could go to nearby? A travelodge or similar? I guess on monday he will need to ask for help from the LA as he is now homeless, which is very sad

LilyBunch25 · 02/01/2026 18:39

Hotel. Simple.

PInkyStarfish · 02/01/2026 18:39

Pick up his stuff and put it outside. If he doesn’t leave, call the police.