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Original poster

Friend being unreasonable .?

161 replies

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 18:33

Happy new year everyone.
Friend of DP arrived at our house on New year eve saying his wife and him having problems and can he stay the one night. We agreed to one night only as to be honest we don’t have the space. New year day he was still here and still here now. DP explained that with three young children we cannot accommodate him . He is sleeping on our sofa and doesn’t get up on the morning so we are walking around him. DP spoke to him this morning again and he said he would help us out anytime which made my DP feel guilty. I want him gone. Apparently his wife has said she doesn’t want him back and has changed the locks and no one else will have him. One night was fine but I honestly think we should be saying he has to go where as DP said we should give him until after the weekend. What are other thoughts ?

OP posts:
HeadyLamarr · 03/01/2026 12:59

Favouritepigeon · 03/01/2026 12:55

How generous of you to put the feelings of his children above those of your own children...

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This.

Find your backbone, @Aprilmaymum - "I appreciate it can be hard sorting something out, but that's not my problem not the kids. Take yourself to a coffee shop and sort your accommodation from there. It feels like you're taking the piss staying here today."

Favouritepigeon · 03/01/2026 12:55

Aprilmaymum · 03/01/2026 12:21

sorry for late response. He is still here. Trying to sort somewhere to go . He works close by ao wants close by. I did say go back home as she can’t kick you out but he said the atmosphere wouldn’t be fair on the kids.

How generous of you to put the feelings of his children above those of your own children...

BillyBites · 03/01/2026 12:49

Then it’s on him to make sure that, for his part, he is civil and polite to his STBX wife so that his kids aren’t affected by an atmosphere. Better than being homeless, I should have thought.

Moonnstarz · 03/01/2026 12:46

Throwntothewolves · 03/01/2026 12:43

I understand why you want him gone, but that's an awful thing to suggest he do to her and their kids. Imagine being in her shoes, and knowing other people encouraged him to go back. I hope you're not friends with her too.
You don't have to house him, or know why he's in this position, but don't tell him to force his way back into the family home just because you've read about his rights on MN. If he can't find somewhere else to stay, tell him to go to the Council on Monday and declare himself homeless, while making it clear he can't stay at yours.

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If it's his house too surely he can't just be kicked out and the locks changed?

Throwntothewolves · 03/01/2026 12:43

Aprilmaymum · 03/01/2026 12:21

sorry for late response. He is still here. Trying to sort somewhere to go . He works close by ao wants close by. I did say go back home as she can’t kick you out but he said the atmosphere wouldn’t be fair on the kids.

I understand why you want him gone, but that's an awful thing to suggest he do to her and their kids. Imagine being in her shoes, and knowing other people encouraged him to go back. I hope you're not friends with her too.
You don't have to house him, or know why he's in this position, but don't tell him to force his way back into the family home just because you've read about his rights on MN. If he can't find somewhere else to stay, tell him to go to the Council on Monday and declare himself homeless, while making it clear he can't stay at yours.

thepariscrimefiles · 03/01/2026 12:42

Aprilmaymum · 03/01/2026 12:21

sorry for late response. He is still here. Trying to sort somewhere to go . He works close by ao wants close by. I did say go back home as she can’t kick you out but he said the atmosphere wouldn’t be fair on the kids.

The atmosphere isn't fair on your kids either. Put your kids first and insist that he leaves immediately.

Moonnstarz · 03/01/2026 12:42

Nevereatcardboard · 03/01/2026 12:37

He might want to stay near to work but it’s perfectly reasonable for him to have to live somewhere within a 10 or 20 mile radius on a temporary basis. His excuse about a bad atmosphere for his kids in the former marital home isn’t your problem to deal with. Tell him to leave after lunch.

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Agreed. There will always be an excuse - no where close enough, too expensive, only has a shared bathroom/living with strangers - none of this is your problem and you need to tell him to go. Surely you want your house back and not have DH friend loitering around.

Nevereatcardboard · 03/01/2026 12:37

Aprilmaymum · 03/01/2026 12:21

sorry for late response. He is still here. Trying to sort somewhere to go . He works close by ao wants close by. I did say go back home as she can’t kick you out but he said the atmosphere wouldn’t be fair on the kids.

He might want to stay near to work but it’s perfectly reasonable for him to have to live somewhere within a 10 or 20 mile radius on a temporary basis. His excuse about a bad atmosphere for his kids in the former marital home isn’t your problem to deal with. Tell him to leave after lunch.

OriginalUsername2 · 03/01/2026 12:31

Aprilmaymum · 03/01/2026 12:21

sorry for late response. He is still here. Trying to sort somewhere to go . He works close by ao wants close by. I did say go back home as she can’t kick you out but he said the atmosphere wouldn’t be fair on the kids.

Tell him it’s not fair on your kids, they want their living room back.

MO0N · 03/01/2026 12:26

Aprilmaymum · 03/01/2026 12:21

sorry for late response. He is still here. Trying to sort somewhere to go . He works close by ao wants close by. I did say go back home as she can’t kick you out but he said the atmosphere wouldn’t be fair on the kids.

What about you and your family?
Don't ask him to go, you won't get anywhere trying to be polite with a parasite, you have to forcefully eject them.
Stop being so flipping soft, please!

Justmuddlingalong · 03/01/2026 12:25

He can sort something out sitting with a coffee in Costa.
He doesn't need to be in your home to find somewhere to stay.
You're allowing him to call the shots. Get angry and tell him he's got 15 minutes to gather his things.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/01/2026 12:24

He is still here. Trying to sort somewhere to go

Of course he is, and that's where he'll remain until you get a lot more assertive about this

Your choice ...

Original poster
Aprilmaymum · 03/01/2026 12:21

sorry for late response. He is still here. Trying to sort somewhere to go . He works close by ao wants close by. I did say go back home as she can’t kick you out but he said the atmosphere wouldn’t be fair on the kids.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 03/01/2026 11:46

Hope isnt a strategy.

This! It's your house, ffs.

Nevereatcardboard · 03/01/2026 10:59

@Aprilmaymum Has he left yet?

HeadyLamarr · 03/01/2026 09:39

Good morning @Aprilmaymum . About time the CF was up and dressed.

I'd be taking the children into the living room, popping the telly on to CBeebies and asking Sleeping Beauty if he wants some toast before he leaves.

Favouritepigeon · 03/01/2026 09:31

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 03/01/2026 09:09

Don't Hope.

Hope isnt a strategy.

Prompt him to get packing up his things now between 9 and 10 and shuffle him out the door before midday. Put his things by the door / offer to load it into his car...

And do not feed the fucker lunch!!!!!

Hope isnt a strategy.

This. Why are people on here so passive?

jeaux90 · 03/01/2026 09:29

If they are married she can’t just change the locks.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 03/01/2026 09:09

Don't Hope.

Hope isnt a strategy.

Prompt him to get packing up his things now between 9 and 10 and shuffle him out the door before midday. Put his things by the door / offer to load it into his car...

And do not feed the fucker lunch!!!!!

HelpMeGetThrough · 03/01/2026 08:56

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 22:15

He has agreed to go tomorrow. He said he was hoping to stay for the weekend but it is hard enough with the kids without having someone else around. Let’s hope he does

Your DP needs to grow a set. Agreed to go, cheeky prick.

He’d be told you are going tomorrow, one way or the other.

Noshowlomo · 03/01/2026 08:48

Why was he kicked out? Can you ask the wife ?

Whoneedsanamesuggestion · 03/01/2026 08:43

LilyBunch25 · 03/01/2026 08:37

Unlikely to apply as he isn't legally homeless. He has a home to go back to if he is on the mortgage or joint tenancy and there has been no DV.

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At least if he tried they could tell him he isn't legally homeless and to go back home.

This couple sound like they love drama in front of an audience, or at least he does.

LilyBunch25 · 03/01/2026 08:37

PinkPhonyClub · 03/01/2026 00:06

Take him at his word. Don’t keep the kids quiet tomorrow morning. At 8am I would be actively waking him with a cheery smile “hey Bob, lots on today so going to need you to pack up now”.

Sure let him use the bathroom and get a bit of toast but I would be pushing him out the door at 9am.

why? Well otherwise I bet you a quid that the day will drag on, he will be there sitting on his arse eating your food taking up your lounge claiming he is looking for a room and in the evening he will announce he hasn’t been able to find anywhere to stay and it will be tough for to throw him out into a cold night. Any complaints about oh I need to find a room before I go I would say “well I know they have got good WiFi in the library/Costa/Wetherspoons”. Bit bright smiles but firm resolve.

“could I not just stay tonight”
”that doesn’t work for us. Please don’t try to overstay your welcome, I don’t want this to damage our relationship”

Oh and worse case scenario is there a “Severe Weather Extreme Protocol” in place with your council? Mine has one on as very cold here and should enable anyone who would be sleeping rough to have an overnight accommodation.

Unlikely to apply as he isn't legally homeless. He has a home to go back to if he is on the mortgage or joint tenancy and there has been no DV.

RessicaJabbit · 03/01/2026 08:35

Just waiting for the update

SunnySideDeepDown · 03/01/2026 08:35

You also need to safeguard your children. Some random bloke on the sofa? No way.