My cousin “loves her DD more than a normal mother”

I don’t know how you can tell her that she’s talking crap though, unless you say something along the lines of
’ooo I must remember to tell our mum/your mum this! She’ll be so pleased to know that she couldn’t possibly love you anywhere near as much as you love your child’
And wait for her to not want to hurt her mother.

edit: from a proud c section, bottle feeding dd due to v large boobs (NOT a humble brag), allows some screen time mum!!

Don't engage. She will stop saying it eventually.

I was told by a friend that I couldn’t possibly be a real mother to my DD as she was born by C-Section. The fact that we would both have died without it was immaterial; the only way to be a mother in this woman’s eyes was if you’d had a vaginal birth, preferably one that took 12+ hours as that ‘proved you loved and wanted’ the baby.

She was talking utter crap. And your sister/cousin is also talking crap. And this is me, who had a lot of miscarriages, spent most of the single surviving pregnancy in hospital and had a c-section talking.

The way you have a child does not give you some weird preferential’ way of loving them.

I don’t know how you can tell her that she’s talking crap though, unless you say something along the lines of

’ooo I must remember to tell our mum/your mum this! She’ll be so pleased to know that she couldn’t possibly love you anywhere near as much as you love your child’

And wait for her to not want to hurt her mother.

Tick, tick, tick! My sister ticked most of these. My God was she the breast-feeding police/ playground police (looking down when I allowed my DC to climb, be independent, take risks- like we all should)/ sleepover police/ socialising police/ hobbies police. No matter what others did they were wrong & not as devoted a mother as she. Honestly OP, it doesn't get any better.

Each and every child is a blessing and special whether it be your first child after years of infertility or your 8th child.

Do you perhaps feel like your sister is projecting her trauma onto others, of course to her it is natural to find her baby extra special as she waited so long. I imagine she sees her baby conceived by IVF after years of heartbreak as being a complete miracle and thinks that if you’ve had it easier you can’t possibly understand the struggle or love your baby as much. There may be unresolved jealous feelings there. And after years of waiting the way to try and help these jealous feelings is to feel like no one can possibly love their baby as much as she does.

I think you need to be honest and say that whilst you’ll never understand the infertility side, it is quite hard and draining to hear your sister make accusations that you can’t love your children as much. Every baby is special

Yes then she can’t she loves her child more than OP?! Cos she hasn’t had that experience either

That's just ignorance and plain rude.

We’ve had this in our family too. My SIL acting as if her child is more precious and special. She also seems to think that she values motherhood more than me because I conceived more easily, whereas it took her and my bil much longer.

See, I hate this shit. I understand why people are completely overwhelmed with love after a struggle to have children, but it doesn't mean they need to make others feel less.

My sister has a one & only after a terrible struggle involving many lost babies & IVF. At age 23 she still believes her child is more special- probably why she still absolutely smothers her. I love my sister, but it's unhealthy from the get-go.

Ugh the puritan mums

the ones who bang on about breastfeeding and orgasming through childbirth

first time motherhood is tough 😂

It's not nice OP, I get it.

I had someone in my life who used to say similar, that she's not like other mums because she's not leaving her kids with strangers aka not using nursery.

Yanbu she sounds like a bellend

we all love our children and they’re all special 😂😂😂

new mum syndrome, she’ll calm down when/if she has more or the kid hits the terrible twos

I’d just roll my eyes or ignore her. Some people are just a bit more self absorbed than others.

I only asked because I’d be quicker and firmer to talk to a sister than a cousin, unless very close to them.

Your sister (?) needs to know that she will be annoying and potentially insulting others which isn’t reflecting well on her.

I had several mcs and failed ivfs, and I too do not think this makes my DC more special than other people’s DC, nor do I see DS2 born after mcs as more special than DS1.

Hopefully she’ll knock it off soon, but you might need to have a quiet word with her if she doesn’t.

My sister used to say that I couldn’t love my adopted kids in the same way as a biological mother (she may have even used the word real). Daft cow.

But to be fair I’ve seen it said repeatedly on here too.

Just let it go, some people are idiots, don’t engage with it and it will go away.

I’d tell her how rude and offensive it is OP, she can feel however she wants to feel but it doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be called out for implying to other people that they love their children less

I can see it from both sides obviously she loves her daughter just the same as any other mother but I would imagine there is so much unresolved trauma and heartache that shes not thinking logically. Neither of you know the reality of each others situation.

We had a lot of miscarriages before our eldest and the relief of finally having a baby and overcoming infertility was immense. Coupled with first baby preciousness it's easy to feel no other woman ever loved a baby so much. I adored my son from the moment he was conceived and couldn't believe he fully exists. Which has been useful because it carried me through all his health problems. A few years later we had our daughter and I love her just as much but that slightly manic and obsessive edge isn't there because I had already 'overcome infertility' for want of a better phrase (it was 5 years and 6 losses before we had him and a lot of medical intervention after natural conception) and honestly I'd say it is a more normal love and less edged with anxiety. Terror and trauma.

So if say your sister probably genuinely believes what she says and at some point years from now will realize the truth. That the love we feel for a newborn can be so massively overwhelming it's unbelievable to think it's a universal experience and your pregnancy and fertility journey have been more exceptional you can assume your love is too. Be gentle with her. It's not extra love, it's extra trauma and she'll probably eventually realize that like I did.

My sil had a very traumatic few years to get to have one healthy, living baby but has never once said anything remotely like this.

Of course, but that doesn’t mean the woman does love her children more than other people, because she can’t possibly no how much anyone else loves their child. It’s a shitty thing of the woman to
announce to other people

If she's still like this when her little darling is 3 and destroying people's sandcastles at the beach you can whip out the old Monty Python line.

I’ve had IVF, a second trimester miscarriage, multiple early miscarriages and a neonatal death and still don’t feel my children are any more special than other children. All children are special.

I remember being in hospital after the birth of one of my dc.

A lady did the usual and came and asked if this was my first and I said no I have another 2 at home, and asked her the same, she replied "no this is my first and we had IVF so he's extra special" 🤣🤣 not like my crappy third baby then.

In your shoes I would probably be sarcastic back until she got the hint just tell her that its making her sound like a twat and to behave herself.