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AIBU?

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Original poster

9yo step daughter spending 10-13 hours per day on her phone. Should DH step in?

134 replies

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 02/01/2026 15:25

DH bought his daughter a phone for her 9th birthday in September. The idea was so he could keep in touch with her while she's not here (he has her 50% of the time, week on, week off)

When she is here we have screen restrictions which are the same as our other kids; no screen time on weekdays other than to check messages (we do allow some TV) and on a weekend/school holidays they can have up to 2 hours (usually one on a morning and one on an evening)

However, when she's at her Mum's house she has asked DH to unrestrict her phone, having looked on the family link app she is spending at least 10 hours a day on her phone, split between YouTube and Roblox. The longest time in a single day was 13.5 hours. DH seems to think that because it's her Mum's house it should be her rules but I'm worried it's going to have a detrimental affect on her and I feel like DH could keep timed restrictions on YouTube etc even while she's not here. I'm especially worried as her behaviour has become significantly worse over the past few months and I think this is what's causing it.

YABU - when she's at her Mum's house it's her rules
YANBU - as her parent DH can keep the restrictions on her phone.

OP posts:
MandemChickenShop · 02/01/2026 16:02

Between her Mum and Dad. Unlikely to be such a big deal onces she's back at school anyways

Boomer55 · 02/01/2026 16:01

Not your child, not your problem. Your DH should get control though. Too much.

Dinosweetpea · 02/01/2026 16:01

He's an idiot, all she needed was a phone where she could call or text him. Why on earth does she even have YouTube and Roblox on her phone?! Parents can approve all apps on their child's phone, its basic safety! He should never have approved these for a NINE year old at all!

SnoopyPajamas · 02/01/2026 16:01

Her father should give himself a kick up the arse and not let you serve as his parenting brain because he's too lazy to think about it.

He's her dad. He shouldn't have to be told this stuff, and he should be in better communication with her mum.

KilkennyCats · 02/01/2026 16:00

It’s his daughter, and you both have to ask if it’s his problem? 🤦‍♀️

TeenageRooster · 02/01/2026 15:59

Agree it was a bad decision to get her a phone so early. At the very least he should put time restrictions on using Family Link. He's created this situation, now he has to step up and parent. Was he having trouble contacting her before the phone?

Anonclutterissue · 02/01/2026 15:58

Don’t take it off cold Turkey because phones are the new cigarette try and wean her off it a bit at a time otherwise it probably won’t work

Plankton89 · 02/01/2026 15:56

absolute madness that she was bought a smart phone on the first place. Why does she need a smart phone to make phone calls? Just get rid of it. They are addictive. It’s like asking an alcoholic not to drink the bottle of wine you place before them.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 02/01/2026 15:54

IMO the problem here is not how long she spends on screens; it’s the fact that your DH saw fit to buy a 9 year old a smartphone at all - it’s absolute insanity. Unsupervised access to YouTube and Roblox?!? Come on, you can’t have thought this was alright when he bought it, surely?!