9yo step daughter spending 10-13 hours per day on her phone. Should DH step in?

Why has he bought her a phone and then deliberately removing its safety guidelines?

if I was her mum I’d be fuming at HIM for being irresponsible

DH should tell mum he's concerned about the amount of time she's on the phone and say he's putting the restrictions back on.

There's plenty evidence to support the fact that too much screen time is detrimental. Just because she's at her mum's, he should still be concerned, but tread carefully with how he approaches it with mum.

Ultimately, it's his decision. If he doesn't listen to you or act on it..let. it be.

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You clearly don't understand how these apps work. There are very strict limitations on YouTube kids, her account will presumably be set up with her real age. And Roblox now requires age verification and prevents minors from chatting with anyone outside of their very narrow age bracket. Parents can turn off the chat function and limit what kids can do on there. Things have improved greatly since all the headlines about it, having spent hours on there myself I've never actually come across anything inappropriate.

If the parental controls aren't being used then she still can't access horrible stuff because she will automatically be grouped into the lowest age category until she proves otherwise with ID.

I think this is one of those very important teaching moments where a parent has to admit they made a mistake. She won't like it but I think there's a far bigger lesson here in the long run.

There is a vast difference between technology that allows her to call her Mum/Dad when not with them and handing your child the World Wide Web and all that entails.

Ah OK, I'll shift my sympathy from the mum to your step daughter for having two such irresponsible parents.

Nope I think it's fine for him to keep the restrictions on for the phone he bought. However, I agree with the pp who said you as step parent should try and avoid giving more of a shit than the actual parents do. Appreciate that it must be hard to stand by and watch.

What kind of moron gives a 9 year old a smartphone in the first place 🙈

I don't think she should have any access, never-mind unfettered, but I don't know how you get this across to her mother without you seeming like you're overstepping.

If she was on a laptop or pc you wouldn’t know.

You only know because your husband is tracking his daughters activities at her mothers house that’s a bit invasive really. I said before as well I assume the location tracker is also on so he can basically track his ex wives movements when out with her child on her time.

I wouldn’t be happy as the mother.

Sure you can be unhappy about the time I wouldn’t want mine of it for that long but you can’t control the other house however much you’d like to.

A brick phone would have been better than smart phone. Swap it over to a brick if he really needs contact with his daughter while she’s at mums. Roblox should definitely be deleted. Unrestricted access to you tube is also a no. My daughter was on kids tube sat next to me and a Barbie doll video came up that was showing a disturbing scene. Can I ask why he needs direct contact with his daughter while in mums care? Can he not ring mum to speak to his daughter?

I'm not going to go all precious about the fact she has a smartphone, its the modern day most kids have phones.

But smartphones without restrictions or limits at that age is a HUGE risk to eye health, sleep and safety

I think really both of her parents need to have a conversation about it and reach a consensus

Yes, they shouldn’t dictate what happens in each others houses but they are both still her parents and have joint responsibility for her health and wellbeing

Prior to the phone from your dh the child clearly did not have such access.

Wouldn’t surprise me if the PP was right and she’s done it to prove a point about the phone being in her home full stop.

Reading this I wonder if he had checked with Mum first.

Because if I was Mum and my ex had bought my 9yo a smartphone, I'd put the phone going so it looked like she was doing ridiculous hours and get him worked up about how much time she was spending.
Then tell him he has to be the one to take it away from her...

Smart move, Mum!

Please read up about Roblox. It’s so dangerous for kids. there is much research out there on the numbers of adults interacting with kids on it.

I would take Roblox and you tube off her phone and any other unfettered access to the internet like safari.

Leave her with being able to message, talk anc listen to music ect.. which could be unrestricted at her mothers. I can see from the mother’s point of view it is annoying to have someone else controlling access to it. But the two of them really need to sit down and come up with a plan to protect the child.

I voted YABU for her having a smartphone at that age, the day you let your child have access to a smartphone is the day their childhood ends. Melodramatic I know, but also true..

So he got a smart phone and now isn’t happy with how long she’s on it when at her mums when his the one who made it so she had a phone there.

Actions and consequences.

He cannot control what she does at her mother‘s house, the mother should have just banned the phone full stop but then I’m sure your dh would of had a problem with that since his seemingly tracking his daughters activities via the phone. Location as well I guess….

If he’s not willing to be a responsible parent the bad guy, or go against his ex because he doesn’t think it’s worth the hassle you’ve got some very rough years ahead of you.

There’s no point anyone having a go at you for a stupid decision he made, it’s not your fault! But it’s done now so if he really won’t step up and her mum wants to parent by screen I can only suggest disengaging as much as you can for your own wellbeing. Explain to your own kids that you’re doing the right thing by them restricting screens and that she has different parents and so it’s not their concern. It’s not easy but you’ve got very limited options as a step parent.

Nothing to do with you.

Don't be ridiculous. Don't your DH and the mum work together at all? Are they constantly undermining each other? You can have a box she has to place it in after her time is up, for example.

This. The poor mum- your DH put her in this shit situation. Step daughter could have had a simple phone to text him with.