Nephew issues

What was the outcome OP?

You’re not a team if he’s disregarding your feelings and expecting you to finance an absolute loser of a grown man (the nephew).

You need a blunt conversation. 12k is not change and clearly the nephew is rinsing you all for what he can get. Middle Eastern gf he sends money to sounds like a scam artist also.

He’s sending money to his GF in another country but can’t repay the £12k debt he owes you?

30yo man baby needs to move out now. Your DH is nuts. His first loyalty is to you!

WTF! I'd divorce over this sort of idiocy.

How could you love someone who risk his families security like this.

Dear me OP! 🤦🏼‍♀️For goodness sake you need to get a grip & stop being such a doormat.

I voted you are BU because you’re allowing this ridiculous situation to carry on.

Sorry OP big girl knickers up, foot down

Why did your husband agree to help out this idiot without your agreement, where's his loyalty to you?

Also why the fuck are you cooking for him?!

I clicked you were being unreasonable because how on earth did you get into this arrangement? It’s madness!

Where is the nephew getting the money he sends to his romance scam girlfriend? How much/whet proportion does he have left each month? Presumably he still has money to pay for his computer paraphernalia so he can’t be sending her everything.

I’ve seen online parents who will only give out the WiFi password after the child has done certain chores. If your mug of a husband is too soft to evict the leech, could you try something like that?

Personally I’d set a date by which the leech either moves out or proves to you that he has secured a full time job, and make it clear that he will be paying a sensible contribution for rent/food/utilities PLUS paying towards the free board and lodgings he’s already had the benefit PLUS of course, paying back the £12k he effectively stole from you.

You and your husband are a couple of mugs.

You said your husband is loyal to his family and that you're a team.

His family is you.

Why is he giving your family money to the parasite? He's financially wreckless, you might be better off divorcing so as to keep out of his spiralling spending.
Why is he not being a team with you in getting this man out of your property?

I thought your nephew was going to be a teenager, not a fully grown man 🤦🏻‍♀️

Tell your H it’s either you (who contributes to the mortgage, meals, cooking and cleaning) or his nephew (who contributes nothing) and mean it!

If his missus in the Middle East is real, then I would invest in a one way ticket to wherever she is and get rid of this freeloading loser.

Why does your DH have so little respect for you that he's prepared to spend over €12k on a lazy, disrespectful, entitled man?

He costs you money.
He shows zero apprecriation for paying his rent.
He remains ungrateful, complains about his free lodgings and meals.
He is an absolute user.

At 30, there is zero reason he can't provide for himself. Your husband is living in cloud cuckoo land if he doesn't realise that his indulgence of this ungrateful twat, is a serious risk to your marraige.

Can you and your husband really not see that you are being made complete Mugs of? What about family loyalty from nephew towards you both? It shouldn't be a one way street! He's being abusive towards you both.
I'd start a mcol (money claim online) for the money he owes you, whilst he still lives with you so you know his address, and give him notice he has to move out, with regard to the timing of the mcol suiting you best.

What the fuck is going on, thread after thread about entitled adults, usually male, but not always. Being enabled in not working or contributing.
Op. You know it is a ridiculous situation or you wouldn't have posted.

Put your foot down. Stand up for yourself. Tell him to get to fuck now.

Your husband is also disrespecting you by allowing this. I would give them both the elbow TBH. who needs men like that in their lives

I would be telling husband he has a choice now about which one of you he wants to live with, there's no way he'd have both!

Time for him to take his grown 30 year old ass to the Middle East and join her then.

Are you all sure this woman exists and he’s not being scammed?

No, you and your DH are NOT a team.

If you were he would not be wasting your joint family money on a lazy badly behaved adult who makes your life very difficult.

Time to tell your DH that either the nephew goes or you do.

Being a team doesn't mean allowing your DH to trash your life for no good reason, what it means is making sure that his wife is happy, can sleep at night and have a shower in privacy and peace.

Tell him it's you or the nephew and see whose team he thinks he is on then!

Buy him a ticket to the middle east one way or give him a date to move out by, if he doesn’t drop him off at the local council offices.

can’t believe you both shelled out 12 grand for him and then invited him to stay with you, both of you were asking for problems.

Gobsmacked OP! The 12k was MORE than enough of covering this GROWN MAN. Offering him free room and board is madness. It's lovely your OH has loyalty to his family but what about his loyalty to you?

You need to have a very open conversation with your OH as soon as possible, you say he is stressed too so this can't go on - this guy is taking advantage and being an ungrateful that because you are all letting him! Why would he take any responsibility when he can just coast by using you!

Personally, I'd have had him out as soon as these problem behaviours started (if i'd let him in at all after the rent fiasco!) but if it makes you both feel uncomfortable just chucking him out, give him what you both agree is a reasonable amount of time to secure alternative housing and set a date for him to be gone - that would be more than generous!

But why does your husband tolerate this behaviour?

He's enabling a grown adult to rack up debts at your expense, whilst refusing to work and expecting you to look after him.