Brother-in-law and his wife with my 2 year old, really mad.

In an ideal world, the video would be removed, an apology would be forthcoming and your relatives would catch on to themselves. But that's not really the issue IMO - it's more that both are an indication that you won't be respected or listened to, which in another situation could be dangerous for your daughter. I'd concentrate on that rather than your (understandable) anger.

Yanbu. What unpleasant disrespectful behaviour, I agree I wouldn’t want them around my dc again.

Both are not ok! I would be more furious about the photo on social media, but the sweet thing and the being secretive about it is annoying.

What a pair of dickheads they are.

If you really want your DD to binge on sweets whether Haribo or not the best way to do it is to deny them. Regulated sweets, e.g. Saturdays, is much better. Do not clean teeth immediately after eating sweets (or fruit, in fact) of course, as the enamel is softened by acide produced in the mouth. Wait an hour or so.
I wouldn't take photos of someone else's child and I would be a bit annoyed if someone did so without asking. But you are being a bit OTT re the sweets.

No 1 would be a dealbreaker for me; I wouldn't want to have them in my house again. I was initially wondering if perhaps they might not have any other friends or family members with children and therefore wouldn't have thought through the issues of posting a child's picture online (even so, their actions sound really mean-spirited) but as you've clarified we have told them MULTIPLE times that we are not comfortable having our daughter posted on any social media by anyone - no WAY; they knew and they still did whatever they wanted at your daughter's expense. Their amusement was more important than her safety, dignity, or privacy. It doesn't matter if THEY thought it was OK and your objections were irrational; it was not their choice to make.

The Haribo thing - I can possibly see how it happened, but the girlfriend's reaction when caught is unusually rude and odd. If there WAS a good explanation, why not explain immediately rather than mugging and performing?

My eldest had never had a gummy sweet at 2, choking hazard and absolutely nothing but sugar and e numbers. Youngest probably had had a sweet by 2 because she'd get stuff of her brother but I can't be sure. I deliberately don't have those kind of sweets. Haribo and fruit shoot type drinks really affect my eldests behaviour (likely ASD and ADHD) but I do allow other things like chocolate and even other jelly things like jelly tots or marshmallows as they don't seem to impact him. Youngest nothing effects her behaviour but I don't like those items now because of eldest so haribo especially is kind of the devil to me. She does love jelly tots though at 4 and they are handy bribe/distraction when needed but still bottom of the list for treat foods.

All that aside yanbu they sound very immature. Are they very young?

Pair of assholes 😒

That is not ok behaviour by them. So - they don't get invited back, or only when your DD is in bed.

You repeat that they are not allowed to post photos of her on the internet, and to make sure you won't be sending them any and they are not to take any themselves. Be very firm on this.

And play the long game. If/when they have a child - do the same to them. (but not posting pictures on the net)

You're definitely not being unreasonable. As well as being disrespectful of your reasonable and safety-focused boundaries, there's something deeply creepy about both these things. The silent giving of sweets and giggling... I don't know... there's something weird about that. It's not like she was doing it in a 'fun, slightly naughty-auntie' way, it's more like the bullying teen way. And I don't like the phone screenshot either. Weird. Wouldn't have these people near my kids.

@runner711 they have no respect for you and they also get off on mocking a toddler .
I’d be going NC with them . They are toxic

I'd cut contact. If they don't respect basic things now, they never will. My SIL posted a picture of DD in her swimsuit on her Instagram. I don't follow her and DH is rarely on Instagram. He found out in the midst of a family fall out (instigated by her). DH told her to remove the image, and she blocked him on Instagram in response.

There were numerous other incidents of SIL being a dick, and we decided to cut contact in late 2024 to protect our peace, and most importantly protect our child.

I have a family member like this.

It’s taken me a long time to realise that my children are nothing but a pawn in a game. They don’t care about the kids, they’re just a useful tool to undermine and disrespect me, a way of getting away with winding me up whilst pretending to be the fun relative.

People you spend time with should want the best for you and your children. They shouldn’t enjoy being cruel.

She posted pictures of an ill 2 year old on her SM for her "friends" to mock without your consent.

I'd nuke that bitch from space for that.

Tell her that video is taken down and anything else she's posted of your child. She never will have permission to take any pictures of your child and post them.

I think you can contact the SM and request that unauthorized pics of minors be taken down. People are not supposed to be posting unauthorized pics of minors and she knows that. She's just a bitch.

Then go no contact with she and bro. Don't care what the family says, she used your kid on SM when she was sick to be a bitch. Those are the actions of someone who dislikes you intensely, is shallow and stupid, and has no respect.

I hope your SIL never has kids!

How old are they?! My 10 year old wouldn’t behave like that.

Definitely limit contact, she sounds vile and very childish too.
Is she 21 with a coke problem perhaps?

Both the photo and sweets are weird and undermining to you as parents. Personally they sound immature. They don’t respect you or your home.

Absolutely go NC

Some posters will try and justify the BIL and SIL behaviour, maybe as they'd do the same, but all that matters is how you feel. They are out of order for all of it. She's their niece. They should love and care for her. Not use her for lols and likes. Game over for me. Especially with keeping her off SM.

You need to insist the photo is removed from all SM.

Other than that - they live overseas.
You and your daughter will be unavailable next time they visit - you're busy.
How likely is it that you would ever visit their "home" country?

It's not so much annoying about the sweet itself as deliberately doing something she had been asked not to do I should think. I would avoid the pair of them from now on.

Unless SIL is first aid trained to deal with a choking incident, then feeding inappropriate sweets to a 2 year old is unacceptable.

Haribo or even smarties at 8.30 in the morning were not ok for OP, and I must say I agree !

If you have told them not to post your child on SM it's unacceptable to do so, I agree.

I am wondering how they have justified this. When you say it is a small group of her friends, do you know how many? 2? 20?

I know a lot of people will say this is irrelevant. And I agree it is wrong either way BUT the magnitude would probably have an impact on how pissed off I would be.

The sweets thing I would be less pissed about - I do think that if your children live in the world they need to have normal childhood experiences, one of which is being given sweets by relatives at Christmas, even if mom and dad don't really approve..... I realise my view on this will anger some, but I do think there is a risk to children when parents become so protective that they ban normal, safe, fun experiences.