Brother-in-law and his wife with my 2 year old, really mad.

YANBU. The sweets aren't ok in general, you explicitly said no, but especially not in the context of everything else. I would let them know in no uncertain terms how I felt about them and they wouldn't be welcome in my home. Mocking your child is unforgivable.

Well at least you know what the issue with her is now. She is violently jealous of you and your DHs relationship made worse by you having a lovely DD too.

Keep these AHs away from you and your DD. I glad your DH also stepped in, but it's hid brother, so you can't decide for him whether he will distance himself.

Sounds like they really dislike you. I wouldn't make any effort at all to see them again, for a couple of years.

Your child , your rules and your SIL should not have taken a photo , that's disgusting

What a bloody bitch! I'd be banning any future contact, and making it very clear to my husband that it's non-negotiable.

She sounds like a twat. YANBU.

OP. shes left the thread so no updates

Your SiL & BIL are uncaring nasty people. Would appear to be incapable of respecting boundaries. Either totally ignorant or thick as sh*t to be giving a small child sweets at breakfast time. As a loving caring mother block them & go NC - your daughter does not need such people in her life & neither do you.

Haribos for a 2 year old. Just no. They can be very dangerous. I almost choked on a "percy pig", and I am a grown ass woman!....same texture as a haribo....very slippery, slid straight down my throat. Haven't had anything of the like since. I would cut them off. Some people are just not worth having in your life...family or not. They seem like these sorts of people.

I think you are perfectly reasonable to be furious about both issues.
They have disrespected your parenting choices, both of which were for your daughters safety and welfare.
Why do they think they can post images of your ill daughter online or give her sweets expressly against your wishes?
Please discuss this with DH and agree your response. I would want to express my feelings to Bil and Sil and say their behaviour is unacceptable. Request immediate deletion of all photos and removal if all posts of your DD. They go no contact.

If they seem genuinely sorry and apologise you could reconsider contact, but i would never trust them again and would never let them look after DD till she is an adult.

Because people decide the question is about whether the OP's rules are unreasonable rather than the SIL's behaviour. Apparently respecting other people's boundaries is only possible if you share them. Baffling but there you are!

You know what you have to do. Tell them both in polite but clear words that why you are annoyed and that you expect that photo to be taken down immediately. Next time they want to visit, suggest they get an Airbnb to limit their contact as you don't want your daughter receiving mixed messages if they decide to disregard your wishes.

How the hell could 15% think you were being unreasonable?????

You should really ask permission if you take a pic of another person's child and post it, I'd have as calmly as possible told them to remove the picture and if not I'd have found account and reported it, they really had no budiness posting a photo of someone else's child and putting it online unless perhaps it was a family function but even then you can ask them to photoshop child out

I think the sweets especially at Christmas isnt to bad, still disrespectful and needed a word
But the photo and social media i would be fuming!..

I agree. The sweet thing wouldn't bother me with my kids, but it might bother someone else, so I wouldn't offer their kids sweets. I think you need to respect parents' boundaries, even if they don't align with your own, or with broader, generally accepted societal boundaries.

I disagree... kids simply do not need sweets and sweet drinks. The longer you can keep them from knowing the more entrenched their habit of not needing sweet things will be.

It would not bother me personally if my child had a sweet, BUT you said no! That should have been the end of it but the sneaky mare (being polite there) went ahead and gave it to her anyway, clearly to get your back up as she found it funny, I mean how old is she 10?

As for the Xmas day drama, If she wanted drama she would have well and truly got it with brandy sauce on top! How dare she take a picture of your child then post it on her social media for the amusement of her friends! Regardless of what has happened in the past your judgement is definitely not clouded here. You have every right to be furious

She's a dick-they both are actually.
With that in mind, I'd not bother to make the effort to meet up in the future or have much contact. Doesn't need to be a big drama -just avoid events they will be at and keep contact to the occasional text or card if you must.
At least they've shown you who they are early on -every cloud and all that.
It would be very tempting to post an incredibly unflattering photo of her up on SM with a pithy comment, but honestly I just couldn't be arsed with it all and would rather just relegate them to only see at weddings and funerals people.

Have either of them apologised for the social post? Or deleted it?

If not. That is very poor behaviour.

They sound completely dense.

I could be reading too much into this but it reads to me as if they were waving "forbidden" sweets around in front of her that she knew you had said she couldn't have, in an effort to make her have another "amusing " meltdown they could video.
I think that was what the sniggering was about.

They sound like the kind of people who are entertained by teasing small children and pets.

If no remorse forthcoming, I'd keep your DD away from them. They are idiots.

Instagram (Meta) doesn't "own" her photo but they do have global licensing rights to anything posted and those rights are transferable and permit sub licensing.

Those videos and pics could be posted anywhere.

She also is posting content with minors without parental consent. That's the big bad here.

Here, if she didn't remove any and all pics of OP's kids, a civil suit could be filed against her if there are consequences or those photos show up elsewhere. I don't know about the UK. It also could be considered harassment of the child and that could go under criminal statutes.

That's how fucking wrong your bitch SIL is.

I never give kids sweets because I do not know if the parents allow them. Also a child could have allergies. That woman is awful

Thank god he’s ok. Choking can happen so easily.

Just my thoughts. We've somehow ended up with packs of little haribo sweets this Christmas and as an adult I've been concerned about choking on the rubbery, sticky things.

How old are they, 12? (with apologies to the many 12 year olds who woud never treat a tiny child with such nastiness and disrepect). I would be very angry about the Instagram thing, I have a real thing about children's images being shared on any sort of social media as they cannot consent. I think that in the future there will be a reckoning when today's little kids grow up and rightfully take issues about the way their lives were shared. To take and share an image of a child who is unwell and distressed because the peson who took the photo thinks it is funny would make me livid. The stuff with the sweets is just immature and daft and indicative that these two are not respectful