Is it normal to start eating?

You can't imagine it?

Really?

Personally, I can't stand people eating before everyone is at least sat down.

Drives me crazy!

Don't mind if once they've taken their bot if casserole, mash and veg they tuck in.but if not everyone is at the table, it just seems rude.

I can't imagine the OP's MIL and FIL serving their own dinners from all the various serving dishes and almost finishing them before the OP has finally sat down unless she's taking ages.

But who knows I guess.

I dunno. I was just offering suggestions.

I know that I'm often last to sit down, despite DH doing the odds and ends. Because I needed to put the dishes in dishwasher or grab another bottle of wine from the fridge or whatever.

This is probably a north/south divide thing. I’m not obsessed with my food being inedibly hot but some people are really funny about this.

Not that long ago everyone would have been expected to wait for grace to be said on Sunday or at least Christmas Day, so finishing a meal before the host has even sat down hasn’t always been the cultural norm.

...i dunno... One of my friends seems to practically inhale his food, to the point someone once said "aren't you having any food Stuart?" They hadn't actually noticed he's served himself and finished so quickly, it looked as though he'd not taken anything yet!

We learned very quickly not to put too much effort in his food when he's over.... Not a chance am I doing fiddly/time consuming meals etc for them to be hoovered in about 2 minutes.

He's perfectly polite and stays and chats and stuff. He just gobbles it down so quickly, its shocking.

And then later complains of digestive issues

I have previously sent MIL back to the dining room with dirty plates. I know she was trying to be helpful but there simply wasn't anywhere to put them. The dishwasher was nearly finished, and 5 minutes later the dirty plates could go straight into it.

When it comes to eating, depends so much on how formal it is, we tend to put everything in the middle and only start to help ourselves once everyone is seated but you can start eating as soon as you want after that. If plating in the kitchen it isn’t a formal meal so I don’t expect people to wait

While her husband does what?

Twiddles his thumbs while she waits on his parents and the other guests?

Maybe because she's bustling back and forwards with dishes, drinks etc..?

If the dishes are being brought to the table and they've had time to dish up their own dinner from the various servings, and almost finish it before others start, you must be taking quite some time to sit down yourself?

None of those things are enough to say you don’t want them to stay with you. I’d love to know what annoys them about you.

I dislike this too op. I was always taught to wait for everyone to sit down before starting, especially if you have guests.

However, it isn't a massive deal though and I have to say that when my dh cooks, I tell people to start without him, because 1, he doesn't care and 2, he fucks about so much in the kitchen. We all have cold food before he finally comes through and says "oh sorry, you didn't need to wait".

Why is it taking you so long to sit down if it is serve yourself?

So what's taking you so long to sit down at the table?

How many dishes are you bringing out?

You sound very precious about stuff and need to unclench a bit. I totally agree about the eating thing, that's just rude but the other stuff is just silly.

Plates in the sink, well it would annoy me if people left plates on the side rather than in the sink. and as for stripping the bed, that would never occur to me. Maybe just losen up a bit and don't get so annoyed about non important stuff.

Because, unless you're octopus man, how will you bring through 6 dishes all at once?

Even if you have a hostess trolley thing, my guests would have started helping themselves immediately as soon as the first dish was on the table and be eating before I'd sat down.

Is the food piping hot? My SIL lets everyone help themselves in the kitchen, with them going last. By the times they've sat down, the food is luke warm, cold by the time we've finished.

Getting around this, if you serve food onto plates in the kitchen, start giving them theirs last, is as you're coming into room to sit down yourself. If you put serving bowls on the table, then hand the plates out last and then you can all eat roughly the same times, ie when you've helped yourselves.

I'm wondering how long it takes you to actually sit down at the table, if your PIL have nearly finished their meals by the time you do it?

It's rude to start before everyone else but what with you and your DH, that should be two adults serving and yet they manage to almost finish by the time everyone else is served?

Why not just serve them last?

Worst people we've had started helping themselves whilst the serving dishes were still being laid out on table.
I bought through roasties and mash, then went back to get the veggies, they'd already helped themselves to the potatoes and started eating asking where the gravy was etc...

They'd eaten pretty much all their meal by the time me and DH had sat down, they'd had more than their share of things too... Then started eyeing up my potatoes going "are you going to eat all of those do you think?"

Greedy fuckers. Never got invited back.

How does food get served that they can start before you have sat down?

Bed wouldn't bother me as surely they are just straightening a duvet?

I prefer bedding to stay put until I'm ready for it to go in the machine.

Have you asked them not to put stuff in the sink?

You sound very passive agressive in your interactions with your in-laws. You grew up having a different set of rules to them but it doesn’t mean that you’re right and they’re wrong.

Making the bed when they’re leaving is their version of being a polite guest.
Maybe that’s what they expect you to do when visiting them? I never strip the bed after visiting someone unless they specifically ask me to.

DH always faffs about when we're about to eat, so DS and I start without him now. I’ve cooked the meal and I’m not letting it get cold.

You’re not superior to them just because the majority of people follow your rules.

Eating food with her fingers from the kitchen to the dining table is beyond poor manners but I suppose you could view it as she feels equally as comfortable at yours as she does at home?
The rest is just different ways people do things, however they should really listen and change if they've been asked to do it your way in your home.

This is where I think there is a disadvantage. I grew up in a house where I wasn’t properly taught table manners. Then went out into the workforce and felt awkward in formal dining situations. Eyebrows were raised when people ate before the host. I picked it up pretty quickly and read up on the etiquette. But all kids should be taught table manners.

i know people will make your argument that it doesn’t matter and roll their eyes and make up their own rules. But it does disadvantage you in certain work settings - even just feeling out of your depth.