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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My son is yet to wish me a happy new year

160 replies

ClaxonRazon · 02/01/2026 03:54

First of all, I’d like to preface this with noting that my son and I generally have a very positive relationship, we spent Christmas with him and his girlfriend and had the most lovely time.

My son is 27, he is independent and I like to think I’m not particularly needy as a parent. He and his girlfriend have gone to Chamonix with some of her friends for New Year. We spoke last on Tuesday via text when he told me they were having a big meal in the chalet then going to some sort of public square for the count down, I told him to have a lovely time.
Last night just after we welcomed the new year here so about 12:30 our time, 1:30 his I messaged both him and wished him a happy new year. I didn’t by any means expect an instant reply, I figured he would be celebrating , but I was keen to go to sleep so didn’t want to wait up in case he called.
This morning I didn’t receive a reply, I wrote it off as probably hung over or out skiing early. Through the afternoon and evening still no reply. Eventually when I called my other son to speak to his family he offered to check and see if he had been active on social media. Apparently he had posted some things on instagram of the meal then of them popping champagne in the square area, his girlfriend had posted some things during the day out snowboarding, then at apres.
I went to bed assuming he would reply when he got a chance but I’ve woken up feeling quite upset, I’m worried that he is unwell or something has happened, and also just hurt he couldn’t take 30 seconds to send a quick happy new year mum message if nothing is wrong.
I don’t want to harass him while he is on holiday but AIBU to be worried and upset? Should I message again or just leave it until he replies?

OP posts:
watermybegonias · 02/01/2026 10:32

I don't get why people are obsessed with sending and receiving such messages. It's down to the individual's choice, surely? And he's a grown man!

You chose to send a message - fine.
He chose not to - equally fine.

myhaggisblewup · 02/01/2026 10:31

Heck how I 🙄when I read the OP. He's an adult, he's on holiday and new year is a just the start of a new calender month with a different year following it.
I'm sang froid by nature with many things but why do peeps get so wound up with this stuff?? I really don't get it at all and none of the stupid 'your wide eyed faux naviety shit' either.

Biskieboo · 02/01/2026 10:30

Sometimes when reading MN I feel I'm a visitor to a strange land that is similar to the world I know but also very different in certain ways. People getting worked up about not receiving some platitude or another via text/whatsapp/whatever - which does seem to be very common - is one such way. I'm fortunate to have a good family set up with four siblings, both parents still around, and we all get along very well. However I can guarantee that none of us will have wished any of the others a happy new year unless it was face-to-face. It just doesn't matter.

sleepandcoffee · 02/01/2026 10:30

no one under the age of 40 that I know of does the whole texting happy new year thing , I have been messaged it , looked it and moved on without replying

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 10:28

EleventyThree · 02/01/2026 10:24

I get it, but there are kinder ways for them to put the message across

AIBU is known for its' no-nonsense responses. And in fairness, I don't think anyone has been especially unkind.

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 10:27

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 10:23

I disagree. A 27 year old man, wherever he lives can respond to a new year message. He can spare 10 seconds. Not as if he’s a stroppy/drunk/heedless teenager. He’s an adult.

Yes, he's an adult - who doesn't need to respond to his mum's texts within a certain time frame to prove he has good manners or to show that he's a good son, especially when he's away on holiday with his partner.

OP knows he's fine. He's active on social media and his partner has posted photos. She has absolutely no need to be worried and upset about this.

The things people get themselves worked up about on here will never cease to amaze me. I doubt I'd even notice if someone didn't respond to a Happy New Year text, let alone get upset about it.

EleventyThree · 02/01/2026 10:24

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 10:06

I think people are genuinely confused why she'd feel "worried and hurt" over her adult son (who she knows is okay) not replying to a generic text about New Year.

I get it, but there are kinder ways for them to put the message across

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 10:23

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 10:05

We're talking about a 27 year old man who doesn't live at home and who is away on holiday with his partner. He doesn't need to text his mum back straight away to show he has "decent manners".

I disagree. A 27 year old man, wherever he lives can respond to a new year message. He can spare 10 seconds. Not as if he’s a stroppy/drunk/heedless teenager. He’s an adult.

BePoisedPlumUser · 02/01/2026 10:23

Leave it. He’s having a lovely time! I don’t think either of my boys has wished me a happy new year. I also know they don’t hate me! You’re being pretty weird about this tbh.

MammaTo · 02/01/2026 10:15

Come to think of it I don’t think I ever used to wish my poor mum HNY when I was younger. It was just like another day to me, I wouldn’t read too much into it.

Largestlegocollectionever · 02/01/2026 10:12

For context I’m 45, have both parents still and an adult son - and none of us would expect this from any of the others!
You’re being ridiculous!!

ThroughTheRedDoor · 02/01/2026 10:08

I think ypure getting a hard time here!

I mean, the others are right really, ita not a big thing. But I do understand that it doesnt take much to send a HNY message back!

Try and be pleased hes too busy.

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 10:06

EleventyThree · 02/01/2026 10:05

Some of the replies on this thread are so nasty.

I can understand why you'd feel hurt, but he's maybe just forgot about the text in the midst of being on a busy, exciting holiday. Maybe he'd be receptive to a call/video call?

I think people are genuinely confused why she'd feel "worried and hurt" over her adult son (who she knows is okay) not replying to a generic text about New Year.

RedToothBrush · 02/01/2026 10:06

Hands up, who hasn't messaged their Mum Happy New Year yet?

Is it compulsory to prove you are a good child? What's the cut off age on this?

Puts up hand

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 10:05

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 10:03

I’d be a bit pissed off if I were you. I wouldn’t be worried- but I do expect basic decent manners from my adult children. It always baffles me the way Mumsnet thinks there should be a complete split between parents and children when the children reach 18.

We're talking about a 27 year old man who doesn't live at home and who is away on holiday with his partner. He doesn't need to text his mum back straight away to show he has "decent manners".

EleventyThree · 02/01/2026 10:05

Some of the replies on this thread are so nasty.

I can understand why you'd feel hurt, but he's maybe just forgot about the text in the midst of being on a busy, exciting holiday. Maybe he'd be receptive to a call/video call?

Luckyingame · 02/01/2026 10:04

bridgetreilly · 02/01/2026 03:57

YABU to be worried and upset that your 27yo independent son has not replied to a trivial text while on holiday with his girlfriend.

This.

You sound rather overwhelming, OP.

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 10:03

I’d be a bit pissed off if I were you. I wouldn’t be worried- but I do expect basic decent manners from my adult children. It always baffles me the way Mumsnet thinks there should be a complete split between parents and children when the children reach 18.

JellyBeans269 · 02/01/2026 10:01

I remember living at home and not replying to my mums HNY text. I was out with friends and I wished her a HNY, in person, the next morning (I lived with her at this point!). She told me how disappointed she was in me for not texting her HNY at midnight and gave me the silent treatment for a few days...please dont follow this behaviour OP because I promise if you make this a "thing", it will do nothing to enhance your relationship with your son.

ilovepixie · 02/01/2026 10:00

Jesus wept! Let your son be and enjoy his holiday. I don’t wish anyone Happy new Year. It’s a non event for me! I wouldn’t have a second thought about someone not messaging me!

StealthMama · 02/01/2026 09:58

I do wish parents would just let their adult children be adults.

it’s no big deal. And no, you’re not the most important person in his life. He just forgot.

be joyful that you have a happy son - who you spent Christmas with- who is healthy and can afford to do nice things with his friends at new year.

what more could you wish for?

Flickaflock · 02/01/2026 09:56

Stop looking for issues where they don’t exist - do you want a positive relationship with your son and his partner or not?

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 02/01/2026 09:56

He's just hosted you for Christmas and you're annoyed he hasn't texted you re NY?!?!?

He's just focused on his mates and having a good time - lots of people focus on family at Christmas and friends at NY.

He'll say HNY when you next speak.

You are being a pain in the arse. If you want to have a good relationship with your kids, cut it out.

Dollymylove · 02/01/2026 09:53

Only one of my 4 adult children has wished me a happy new year.
Its not really impacted me tbh 😆

IwishIcouldconfess · 02/01/2026 09:52

Is your new year happiness, entirely dependant on a three word text? Is it?

Will you be condemned to a year of misery, if you don't get a text wishing you Happy New Year?