My son is yet to wish me a happy new year

If I hadn’t replied at that age and my mum followed up I would apologise and say happy new year! I wouldn’t feel stalked or like it is unreasonable because I love my mum and it wouldn’t be a big deal

For Goodness sake, no one is being unkind!
Just because people disagree with you, is not being unkind!

it's basic manners

Who decides this sort of thing?

Some people are better at responding to text messages than others.

There are all sorts of reasons that someone wouldn’t respond to a message - I don’t think manners come into it.

I mean, I would consider it “basic manners” to not bother people when they are on holiday.

My oldest son hasn’t wished me a happy new year. So what. He’s busy with work, pregnant gf and a small child. I love him and he loves me. Let your son live his own life or you’ll push him away.

Nope.

A 27 year old man can respond (or not respond) to a text message whenever he likes, at a moment that suits him, just like everyone else.

He’s not a performing monkey.

Because he's a grown adult who can reply to messages whenever he wants, or even choose not to reply at all.

If it's only a two-second reply, why does it matter if she doesn't get it?

He obviously wishes you and Unhappy New Year op, starting with ignoring you completely and hoping you have a conniption over him not texting you back within 24hrs.

You're only hurting yourself with these expectations, you know he is fine, stop getting siblings to spy its unhinged.

This made me laugh, and I couldn't agree more. I think for her it's seen as disrespectful because she made the effort but can't understand that a late teen may have other priorities at midnight like who their friend is snogging and mainlining tequila...the effort was made, just a few hours later and to her face...

Why doesn't he? I don't think wanting a 2 second reply to a text from your son is being needy, it's basic manners.

I think the very fact that you can refer to it as a 'HNY text' and we all instantly know what you mean does rather signify that it isn't a groundbreaking unique show of very special affection.

We do tend to do it, but it's not really a big deal.

Do some people have some kind of superstition about this - whereby they think that, if somebody in their family doesn't send them a HNY text, they're automatically fated for an unhappy NY? Is it like saying "Bless you!" when people sneeze, otherwise the demons have implicit permission to possess them through their wide open mouth if nobody does?!

Exactly. It’s utter lunacy to suggest that wishing your own child a Happy New Year by text message constitutes ‘harassment’.

As far as we're aware, she hasn't expressed her feelings to the son. So where does harassment come into it? People are allowed to feel whatever they they feel.

Sounds like you've got too much spare time on your hands to be sitting about thinking about him, whereas he's out actually living life. For the new year perhaps have a think about how you can start keeping busy yourself - now your children are adults it's your time to start making some new independent memories of your own!

Fucking hell, is this a different world I’m in? Of course it’s not unreasonable to be a bit hurt that your lazy son can’t be arsed to think of you for 10 seconds to wish you a happy new year. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it, but I’d be a bit hurt too.

Posters on Mumsnet have young children that they put their heart and soul (and all their time and money) into. Do they think that once that child turns 18, their child doesn’t owe them one second’s thought. A relationship is a two-way street.

My MIL always expected her son to contact her when we'd gone on holiday, I was surprised the first time when BF rang her at the landing airport to confirm we had arrived OK. I questionned it because I thought it was intrusive of her to want her DS to be thinking of her when he was off on holiday with his GF. Her reason was "I just want to know you've got there all right". But if we hadn't she would have heard about it at some point and nothing she could do anyway?! I'm afraid I put a stop to that as it was ridiculous, clingy and unnecessary. Be careful OP that you aren't going to turn into the same needy DM/MIL who always wants to insert herself into every holiday or break her offspring have, even remotely...

Leave your son and his GF to enjoy their holiday, they don't need to be responding to trivial texts that aren't important in the scheme of things. A lack of "Happy New Year" does not equal "I secretly hope you have a rotten year" so chill out.

I think I am fairly needy as a parent, and even I wouldn't worry about this, let alone get another dc to check his socials to see what he was doing.

He spent Christmas with you, now he's off having fun on holiday, as he should be doing at his age.

YABU. He’s a big boy now and no longer tied to your apron strings. Get a grip woman!

My sister in law does. She'd have reacted exactly like this if it were my niece.

So you know he isn’t hurt or had an accident he’s just having a good time. Leave him to enjoy his holiday

Get yourself to the grip shop today. Whilst there buy yourself the biggest one they have. Please make sure you use it all the time. I predict that if you don’t take this advice, things will end unhappily for you. Once he gets a permanent partner and then perhaps children, you will drop down the list of important people in his life. Please make 2026 the year you change.

He's a grown man enjoying his holiday. Kindly I think you need to start building your own interests separate from your children. He loves you, let him live his life.

Parental harassment has long lasting effects.

The fact is OP is upset because shes emotionally dependent on her adult children.

it doesn’t matter whether you label manners, rudeness, worry, decency, the impact is the same.

he didn’t think it was so important to text his mum who he spent Christmas with (family time) - whilst he’s on holiday with Gf and friends (his time).

OP on the other hand feels him texting her should have been the forefront of his mind.

they are living different lives and if OP carries on like this she’ll push him and his future family away.

And he doesn't need to respond to what is to him a pointless message.

It’s very much a thing in my family that we text each other at midnight, I think he’s a lazy arse and could have spent ten seconds saying it to his mum.

I'm also a boomer and never in all my life contacted my parents (both gone now) to wish them a happy new date on the calendar.

I've responded to the 3 messages I got from friends but not sent any first. I've chatted to my brother and nieces but not bothered with any trite hny comments.