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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My son is yet to wish me a happy new year

160 replies

ClaxonRazon · 02/01/2026 03:54

First of all, I’d like to preface this with noting that my son and I generally have a very positive relationship, we spent Christmas with him and his girlfriend and had the most lovely time.

My son is 27, he is independent and I like to think I’m not particularly needy as a parent. He and his girlfriend have gone to Chamonix with some of her friends for New Year. We spoke last on Tuesday via text when he told me they were having a big meal in the chalet then going to some sort of public square for the count down, I told him to have a lovely time.
Last night just after we welcomed the new year here so about 12:30 our time, 1:30 his I messaged both him and wished him a happy new year. I didn’t by any means expect an instant reply, I figured he would be celebrating , but I was keen to go to sleep so didn’t want to wait up in case he called.
This morning I didn’t receive a reply, I wrote it off as probably hung over or out skiing early. Through the afternoon and evening still no reply. Eventually when I called my other son to speak to his family he offered to check and see if he had been active on social media. Apparently he had posted some things on instagram of the meal then of them popping champagne in the square area, his girlfriend had posted some things during the day out snowboarding, then at apres.
I went to bed assuming he would reply when he got a chance but I’ve woken up feeling quite upset, I’m worried that he is unwell or something has happened, and also just hurt he couldn’t take 30 seconds to send a quick happy new year mum message if nothing is wrong.
I don’t want to harass him while he is on holiday but AIBU to be worried and upset? Should I message again or just leave it until he replies?

OP posts:
TheLovelinessOfDemons · 02/01/2026 19:32

Literally none of my DC have said happy new year to me yet. I was working over the bells.

ContentedAlpaca · 02/01/2026 19:14

Message him again and ask how his holiday is going.
Don't worry about the lack of greeting as people have different expectations around that and I would say that If he missed the moment because of being hungover or busy then they moment has passed. There's no need for a belated message.
Just carry on as normal.

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 19:10

Megapint · 02/01/2026 18:43

Fucking hell, there are some cold hearts on this thread. You're not pathetic or needy. It doesn't matter how old you are or how much fun you're having it takes two minutes to send your mum a Happy New year. I'd tell him oi you cheeky bugger next time you see him.

The flip side of that is that if it only takes two minutes, then it's clearly just a generic "because I have to" message that doesn't really mean anything.

Megapint · 02/01/2026 18:43

Fucking hell, there are some cold hearts on this thread. You're not pathetic or needy. It doesn't matter how old you are or how much fun you're having it takes two minutes to send your mum a Happy New year. I'd tell him oi you cheeky bugger next time you see him.

whistlesandbells · 02/01/2026 18:37

I think you should leave a 27 year old son alone when he is on holiday and certainly not expect contact. Maybe he could or should have replied to a NY text, but I really think there is too much pressure to be continually reachable/responsive etc. It really irks me when people pester for a response when I am away and trying to relax, step back from the usual grind/routine.

brunettemic · 02/01/2026 18:25

Pathetic and needy.

Mydogisagentleman · 02/01/2026 18:21

OP.
We are in the same situation.
Except our DD has a personality disorder and appears to have gone NC.
I'm not going to be begging her for a crumb of contact.

Tulcan · 02/01/2026 16:27

I've never in my fifty years wished anyone a happy new year.

Acommonreader · 02/01/2026 16:25

I have great relationships with my family but have never texted anyone’Happy new year’ in my life. Some people simply do not do this or feel it’s important.
Do you ask for a ‘ got on / off the flight / journey safely’ message too?

SomethingRattling · 02/01/2026 16:17

Truly OP at this moment you are being a needy parent. Give the man a break, he's just spent a lovely Christmas with you and is thinking of other things now.

MCF86 · 02/01/2026 16:15

You know he's ok (socials), what's the problem?
He probably saw he had a few new years messages, swiped them away meaning to respond later and the forgot 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm at my mums house right now and neither of us has said it 😂

Whosthetabbynow · 02/01/2026 16:04

Boomer55 · 02/01/2026 16:00

My kids are adults. I never notice whether they wish me a happy new year. SM trivia. 🤷‍♀️

Quite. Let them live their lives x

X123x321X · 02/01/2026 16:02

He probably doesn't remember who he sent messages to.

Boomer55 · 02/01/2026 16:00

My kids are adults. I never notice whether they wish me a happy new year. SM trivia. 🤷‍♀️

StealthMama · 02/01/2026 15:55

EleventyThree · 02/01/2026 11:07

As far as we're aware, she hasn't expressed her feelings to the son. So where does harassment come into it? People are allowed to feel whatever they they feel.

Because you suggested that she tried to face time or video call as well given he didn’t respond to the text. After she has already has her other son stalk him and his GF of other SM platforms.

that starts to become harassment.

SameShitDifferentDate · 02/01/2026 13:52

Goodness me. It's only the second of January and already I have a strong contender for my personal Silliest Thing To Get Upset About award.

vanillalattes · 02/01/2026 13:14

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 13:08

What about a happy birthday message. Fine to ignore that too?

If I was away on holiday on my birthday, I'd expect my parents to respect that and not get upset because I didn't reply within a certain time frame.

MojoMoon · 02/01/2026 13:11

I find new year text messages to be a bit like Christmas cards.

If you wish to send me one, that is lovely but I am not sending them out.

You should send best wishes because you want to send them not because you want them in return.

He is on holiday, having fun, skiing and going out. I would be delighted he is having a fun time.

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 13:08

What about a happy birthday message. Fine to ignore that too?

I8toys · 02/01/2026 13:02

I've not spoken to my parents yet - when I see them I'll wish them a happy new year

Paganpentacle · 02/01/2026 13:00

GalaxyJam · 02/01/2026 12:41

Reading this has just made me realise that my dad hasn’t replied to my happy new year message! He’s away with his wife. It didn’t occur to me to be upset by it (I hadn’t noticed 😬), I’ll see him when he gets back.

Hope you put him straight 😂

Fingalscave · 02/01/2026 12:49

Don't worry, boys/young men are often like this. It doesn't mean he doesn't care or that anything is wrong.

GalaxyJam · 02/01/2026 12:41

Reading this has just made me realise that my dad hasn’t replied to my happy new year message! He’s away with his wife. It didn’t occur to me to be upset by it (I hadn’t noticed 😬), I’ll see him when he gets back.

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 02/01/2026 12:38

O ye gods.

My DC are in their late 20s. I said HNY yesterday in our family WA chat. DS1 responded, DS2 didn't.

And I haven't given it a second thought. You come across as incredibly emotionally needy.

HoppityBun · 02/01/2026 12:38

CurlewKate · 02/01/2026 10:03

I’d be a bit pissed off if I were you. I wouldn’t be worried- but I do expect basic decent manners from my adult children. It always baffles me the way Mumsnet thinks there should be a complete split between parents and children when the children reach 18.

He hosts his mother for Christmas but not responding to HNY is a complete split? That’s truly a baffling opinion

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