My son is yet to wish me a happy new year

If you’re that arsed that he might be unwell, which I suspect you don’t think is the issue you’re just pissed you didn’t get a reply, then just say “hi, are you ok? Just checking in as you didn’t reply” and be straight about it rather than roping your other son in and then posting it on an online forum 🤦🏻‍♀️

He’s on holiday, not sitting on his couch at home ignoring you.

YANBU to be a bit hurt, because it takes no time at all to send a quick reply. I'd like to think, no matter what age, my son will always think to wish me, especially when I text him first. He was at a party NYE but replied to my text pretty much straight away, he's 20.

So I think it's understandable you feel a bit hurt that he hasn't taken 30 seconds to send a reply to his mum.

This thread is cementing my view that family values and general good manners are slowly disappearing. I recently invited some v close family and friends to a get together at my house and was surprised that there were a small handful of people that didn't acknowledge my invitation nor take the time to reply. I find it shockingly rude.

I know I sound very old, but I'm early 40s!

People love telling mums of adult sons that they're less important than the dirt on his shoe once he gets 'the main woman' in his life, and that expecting even a glance in her direction is an intolerable burden.
Sad to think that some of these people may actually be mothers of sons, and place so little value on themselves a 60 second message feels too much to ask.

This. YABVU.

Well said…

it’s validation, connection & as the saying goes silence speaks a thousand words.

op… please scroll past the narrow minded cold hearted comments. Your feelings are validated. Most empty nesters will understand your hurt. It doesn’t mean you’re needy or dramatic by any means, you were looking for a sign that expresses a sense of ‘Mum, I maybe on holiday & its NY, I have fond memories of my childhood when we celebrated NY together, so I’m thinking of you & I love & appreciate you (not necessarily these words but that’s how a brief HNY MUM X, it would be perceived if you received a basic response.

the lack of contact from any loved one more so knowing that they can update their socials but not find a thought or need to respond to mum, also knowing that you would naturally worry about him being in another country. It doesn’t matter if your son was 1-100 yrs old, he’s still your baby boy.
(I can see the younger generations eye roll)

I think the newer generations don’t get this aspect of parenthood. They appear to be brainwashed by social media & we are seeing more & more situations where loving parents who have sacrificed themselves to ensure their children are loved, supported & protected, only for social media to twist their minds, rewrite history & convinces them to cut their parents from their lives.

This isn’t connected to your son, it’s just the new phase I’ve been seeing.

No doubt my comment if read.. will trigger an attack on my views.

I will hold on to the fact that I know I am far from needy & definitely not dramatic by any means. However, referring to OP only, I hear you & I validate your feelings. I would probably message my son again just to check in on how he is doing & then maybe one day when home & settled & when the conversation presents itself, I would gently express how sad you felt & the reasons why, hopefully, your son will take this on board & he will make an extra effort next year knowing how much it would mean to you.

that’s how friendships & relationships evolve & grow, it’s a shame these younger generations have been blindsided.

Yes.. couldn't have put it better.

I hate to agree with this but sometimes l don't call my mum for this reason- don't always want to spend an hour on the phone

Mother and MIL from hell alert. YABVVVU

???
This sounds CRAZY needy. He's 27.

HNRTFT but just to say I have two sons in Australia. One sent me a video of the Sydney New Year fireworks about an hour after they happened. My lovely other son I still haven’t heard from..just accept that they are different people ,but both love their Mum .

I agree with this as an elder millennial (42). I just don’t think the New Year is that big a deal. I received a couple of messages around midnight on NYE and replied because we were just sitting on the couch, I wouldn’t have if we’d been on an exciting holiday. My Mum has until recent years messaged about 7pm ‘before the networks jam up’?!? but she’s not even sent me a specific Happy New Year message this year, despite speaking on the day and since.

I think you’re giving it too much weight OP. Be glad he’s away having a great time with his friends and girlfriend.

That’s why most of the time I don’t reply, sadly. I know I’ll open the floodgates for more and more messages, so it’s easier not to reply. I’m not saying that’s you, OP. That’s just my experience.

People are cold here. My young adult kids sent me enthusiastic HNY messages around 0100. I would have felt sad if I had not heard from them at all by the 02/01.

Maybe he knows if he answers op she'll strike up a conversation that he can't be bothered with, who knows but a HNY text doesn't need a response.

I'm afraid you are no longer the main woman in his life. We all have to accept that but it's normal. You risk coming across as needy if you message him again and once kids feel that way, they don't 'unsee' it.

I mean this with kindness, OP, but if you messaged HIM saying HNY, why does he need to reply? He probably saw it, thought it was nice (or thought nothing of it) and just carried on having fun. A HNY text does not need a response! I understand the concern, but as you’ve spoken to your other son, you now know you have nothing to be worried about.

As a daughter of a needy mother who texts A LOT, please don’t do this. You’ll push him away.

I've got three sons. Not heard a word off any of them for NY. Saw them all round Christmas so not too worried. I'm sure they will be in touch soon.

He probably saw the message really late and didn’t want to wake you up, then forgot that he hadn’t replied. I’ve done that myself 🫤

Honestly he’s probably just having a busy, fun time and it’s slipped his mind. Really isn’t a big deal - you spent a lovely Christmas so I think that’s more important than a text

Well, the strong probability is that the person wishing you happy birthday doesn't also have an imminent birthday themselves as well - so you'd be rather weird saying "Happy birthday to you too!" if their own birthday isn't for another 5 months!

If you just mean replying with a "thank you", you have to bear in mind that you're probably one of lots of people who've wished them happy birthday. It's a bit of a rubbish way to have to spend your birthday, replying with a 'thank you' to dozens of well-wishers, in case they're hoping to make your special day all about them.

Also, lots of people only send out 'happy birthday' messages as an auto-pilot thing - they don't really know or care if you do have a happy birthday or not. When I was briefly on Facebook, over a decade ago, it forced me to tell it when my birthday was when setting up an account. Mindful of privacy and abuse of personal data, I just chose 1st January as a default. I still get "Happy Birthday!" texts from people at the start of each year, who clearly have a Pavlovian response whenever their phone tells them something, without even thinking about it (my actual birthday is in the summer).

For all I know, there's probably a setting on FB that automatically sends a HB message to all of your contacts, without you even being aware of it. It doesn't get much more personal or heartfelt than that!!

Gosh! What a ridiculous, selfish attitude to have. It makes me wonder if you feel the need to compete with his gf and friends for his attention ? He’s on holiday, hopefully having a great time and you are miffed that he hasn’t replied to your text. Let him be to enjoy his holiday with gf and friends. It happens to the majority of our sons, they grow up and Mum is no longer the centre of their world and neither should she be - or would you rather he hung onto your apron strings. Get a grip and stop now before you damage the relationship with your son.

YABU. He's 27, not 7.

@Megapint that only works if you and your children have the same expectations and those expectations are made absolutely crystal clear. Otherwise you have disappointment, confusion and resentment if one of those parties shows their love in alternative ways.

"You can flip it however you like. If your mum sends you a happy new year, you reply"

@Megapint no - that's what you choose to do. Doesn't mean everyone else has to do the same.

@vanillalattesYou can flip it however you like. If your mum sends you a happy new year, you reply. As for all the posters who have never in their life sent or received a happy new yr message,.I call bullshit. Families and friends are so spread out these days, and that's fantastic I'm happy my Loved ones are off living their lives,. meeting new people having amazing adventures. But it's the small acts and simple messages that keep us connected. A quick message to my kids means I love you,. I'm thinking of you l. If that equals needy and pathetic I'd rather that than join in the ' who cares less' competition these threads turn into.