Partner doesn’t want me to set my alarm earlier than his

A few options ... one is that you agree to not set the alarm earlier but then he agrees to get DD ready. If he's not feeling the pain of the problem then he's not feeling the need to wake earlier.
The other is that you get a watch alarm. My alarm is just my watch buzzing and I find it more effective than a traditional alarm. But it also wouldn't wake DP if he needed to sleep longer.

This is for the scenario that you want to accommodate his need for sleep. I sleep badly and I would be super annoyed if DP set 2 alarms to wake up early as that would definitely wake me too. But I also agree with PP that he's being unreasonable in how he's responded to you. Especially as it's his DD too

So really as her Dad, he should get up a bit earlier and start the routine off while you get yourself ready, then you take over.

My husband wouldn't dream of - and wouldn't get away anyway with - telling me what time to set my alarm to do what I need to get done! Control red flag.

This post is really sad. You need to do what works for your child - that’s the priority. He can and should use the extra time to help her and you.

Having an hour to get ready is totally normal for what it’s worth.

You need to set your alarm for the right time for you and he does not get to control that, but I would suggest getting a watch with a vibrating alarm so it doesn't wake him up. Its also a much nicer alarm to wake too than a noisy one blaring. I have to get up at half 4 for work so that's what I use, to least disturb my partner.

Why have you asked him if it is okay to set an alarm? 7am isn't even early to be getting up for most working adults.
What would happen if you had a job that required you to be up an hour or so before him?
I personally can't understand how he is getting up half an hour before he needs to leave for work! Doesn't he sit with a coffee or some breakfast to wake up and give his brain chance to start functioning. Either way it smacks of a man with no responsibilities if he can be up and out of the door 30 minutes after crawling out of his pit.

This post nails it completely.

Yanbu since when does someone else get to decide when you get ip?! This is controlling and completely unacceptable. I could perhaps understand it if you were setting an early alarm and not getting up, bc my dh used to do this and it was SO annoying, but otherwise yanbu!

What a weird man! How can he stop you from setting an alarm needed to get up on time? And at the cost of your child going late to school? How much extra sleep is he getting and why isn't he also helping get your child ready for school? This is totally mad! You absolutely have to stand up to him.

He’s being a dick, but it’s also no fun to be woken up by someone else’s alarm. I use the alarm on my smartwatch which silently vibrates. Could you try something like that as a compromise?

Well fck him, basically - you do what you need to in order to manage your time.
Let him move out again. He should be helping you manage things, not trying to control your behaviour in order to maximise his own convenience.

This. He certainly isn't making your life, or your daughter's easier. He sounds selfish and controlling.

When I am getting up early and DH isn’t I set my smart watch up to vibrate.

On a school day I like to be up before everyone to use the bathroom and have a cup of tea. I set my alarm for 6. 20. Dh gets up at 6.50 to use the bathroom before the kids get up.

I think you should get up when you need to. This is not something you need permission for

At the beginning of your OP you said “we have an 8 yr old”, and later you mention partner moving in 4 years ago. Is your partner the 8 yr olds Dad?

But either way, you should be able to set your alarm as you like, in order to get both yourself and your child ready. I’d seriously be considering if there was a future with this man.

@Daisychain67

"I have asked him if I can set my alarm for 6.30am"!!

You are a grown woman, no asking required.

I would suggest that he's probably controlling your life in many other ways too @Daisychain67

It's not healthy for you but more importantly, your daughter, she's watching how you deal with men, passively. Not good, is it, really?

If he leaves at half 7, half 6 is a perfectly reasonable time for him to get up. And he could use the extra half hour to help get her ready.

although we no longer work my dh has a daily 0700 alarm...drives me batty as no one gets a sleep in should we not have slept well during the night.
when we worked he had a 5am alarm and yes falling back asleep was near impossible knowing mine would be going off at 0630.
separate bedrooms?? if you get along?? if not dump him as it won't get better.

Set your alarm for the time that works for you and hopefully the trash will take itself out again.

I do understand why he doesn’t want to be woken (further to my above post) as I also hate being woken up before I have to be.

But your current system isn’t working. You need to get up earlier, and that’s that. Your child needs to be at school on time. My son has ADHD and I remember struggling to get him in at the right time at that age (7/8) as he had no sense of urgency and also struggled to wake up. It was made very clear that those first 10 mins or so of the day are incredibly important- and so we tried various things to make sure we were there on time.

Your partner can wear earplugs or he can not live with you/ not sleep in the same room if there’s space.

I won’t tell you not to set multiple alarms as I know some people (including me - often those with ADHD) just have to and won’t wake if they don’t.

This

tell him to get out.

Your house . If he doesn't like it he can leave . You and your daughter are more important.

I think the fact that you felt you needed to ask his permission to change your routine is a huge red flag. Honestly, get away from this man.