Partner doesn’t want me to set my alarm earlier than his

You both get up at 6:45 and you both get your joint daughter ready. He’s a twat.

I also used to get everything ready the night before when mine were growing up as DH worked away. Everything from showers and baths were done the night before and clothes and bags ready to go. Then it was up, dressed, breakfast, teeth, go.

@Daisychain67 Tell him that if he wants to take dc to school then he can do it and you won't be setting the alarm.

If he insists on you taking dc to school then you need to set the alarm for whatever time you need in order to get ready.

On a side note, it's not acceptable to be 10 min late for school all the time, it's disruptive for the class and I would not be happy if I was the teacher. Have you tried getting organised in the evening before?:

Put out clothes you are to wear for you and dc. Make sure school bag is ready to go. Film up water bottle and Put in fridge. Prepare your table for breakfast (everything that doesn't have to stay in the refrigerator).

I do this every evening for my kids who are now teens (1 asd) and it really saves us time and reduces stress. Dc go up, eat, clothes that I put out on, brushes teeth and off we go. It's all about getting a routine that makes your life easier.

Set your alarm for when you need to. He should be helping getting your daughter ready, you should both do it by splitting tasks on the same day or do the full job on alternate days.
At the same time, your current system is not working. Adhd or not, your daughter needs to be much more independent at this age. She can learn tools etc to manage her tasks and the adhd.

Years ago I had a boyfriend who would set his alarm for 5am even though he didn’t actually get up until 6.30am. He had it on snooze - constantly setting it off.

It was so selfish.

Get up on your first alarm. Have everything ready to go.

I have severe executive dysfunction.

I have a list of everything that needs to be done before leaving the house and the latest time it needs to be completed by.

I put out clothes the night before. I have bags ready and I make lunch fresh before school every day.

You need to get yourself organised. If you need to get up early to get ready then you absolutely should do that. But from the sounds of it you just want to press snooze on your alarm.

Major red flag

you don’t need his permission to set an alarm full stop but esp for work/school

so he gets ready in 30mins just him

while you rush about like a baf and do dd and self

where is his help ?

Err wtf of course you need to get up earlier than 7:15 to get the kids to school! He could also get up at 6:30 and spend half an hour helping doing things like unloading the dishwasher.

he sounds like an unhelpful twat.

but if you want a solution you could wear a smart watch and set a vibrate alarm on it that won’t wake him up

It’s vvvv unreasonable of him to expect this of you. He shouldn’t be dictating when you get up. Also, as her dad, he should be helping you get her ready for school. If you both got up at 6.30am, he could have his shower and then help get her organised. RE getting organised in the morning- could he not also help with that by getting her school stuff ready the night before? You’re supposed to be a team.

I recently retired but always used to get up at 05.00-05.30 as I used to cook in the mornings prior to getting 4 kids off to school etc. I was also in a fast paced and stressful full time work environment myself and needed to be ready and out of the house by 08.00
Now I’m retired I still do the same. My eldest son has HFA (non verbal) and now goes to a day centre everyday. My husband and son both get up at 7.00 and as my husband drops him off at the centre before going to work, they both leave the house at 08.00.
If when getting up, I accidentally wake my husband up, he just rolls over and has a few extra hours. It’s no big deal.
I usually wake up naturally 5-10mins before my alarm(s) go off anyway, so there aren’t alarms and bells going off, waking up the whole household.
I think you and your daughter both need to be ready in advance of the time you need to leave the house. That ten minutes of lateness must stress you both out immensely. If your partner can’t understand that, then he’s the one being unreasonable. Start as you mean to go on. Do as much as you can the night before to reduce the chaos in the morning. Make lunchboxes late at night before you go to bed. My kids used to like mason jars of overnight oats for breakfast, so I’d do them and put them in the fridge before I went to bed. Lay out clothes for you and your daughter so there’s no messing around searching in the morning. PE stuff /swimming bags etc. can also be made ready the night before. Having a structured and relaxing start to the day should help the whole family to be stress-free in the mornings.

I haven’t voted because YABU to ask him about setting your alarm but you’re not U to want to do it.

He has two choices, get over himself or get out. Your house, your family (because he clearly takes no responsibility for it), your life. He is a guest in that if you allow him to be.

He's an arse. Set your alarm for when you want. If I even suggested telling my wife when she could get up in the morning, I'd be sleeping in the shed, and rightly so!

To be fair, I absolutely could be up, showered and out in half an hour if I only had me to sort out. OP I keep seeing ads for vibrating wrist alarms specifically designed for ADHD. I agree he's being U and there may be deeper issues anyway but if you are just trying to address this, look into those as others have said.

Tell him you e worked out a new efficient routine which saves loads of time so you now don’t need to get up till 7:30. Tell him that’s the time you are setting your alarm for and he’s not allowed to set his any earlier than that as it would wake you up. That you don’t care if that means he’s late for work every day. See what he thinks to that plan!

Do you do that frustrating thing tho- you set your alarm for 6:30 then snooze it. My DH does this. Drives me bloody crackers because I can’t snooze, I’m just awake! I think I must lose hours worth of sleep over the week with his ‘alarms’ and ‘snoozing’ and i find it really unfair!

If you set your alarms for 6:30 and get up at 6:30- not a problem!

Horrible man. Let him move out and please for the sake of your dd don't let him back.

He sets an alarm for 7. You set two alarms, 7 and 7.15. You are ten minutes late. Do you get up at 7 when your first alarm goes off? That would solve the ten minutes.

If you set an alarm at 6.30, will you get up at 6.30? Or have another alarm at 6.45? That would be annoying.

Your partner doesn't get to control the time you get up, but you do need to be considerate, with one alarm you actually get up to. If you need two alarms, the first could be a vibrating alarm on your wrist so only you wake up and then wait for your second alarm.

On the other hand, this particular partner doesn't sound nice, would you be better without? A useless partner that leaves is one less person to look after or take into account.

You shouldn't have got back together with him! He's too controlling!

He just needs to grow up

it’s 30 mins earlier. At 6.30am. He’s out of the house at 7.30. He should be up earlier than 7.

Your partner is being very unreasonable and a bit of a shit dad to be honest. Your DC should be the priority here. If she needs parents to be organised earlier in order to get her to school on time that’s what should happen. He should be pitching in. It’s his responsibility to facilitate getting her to school too. So many men ‘want kids’ but don’t ever want to be a parent. They just assume their life should carry on uninterrupted.

DH gets up earlier than me - his alarm sound is different to mine. I, now, generally sleep through this.

He uses the bathroom first, so there’s no fight over it, I wake up to a cup of tea and use the bathroom second.

You need to stand your ground and find a solution.

People think it’s the end of the world to sleep separately but sometimes when sleep is the priority it’s much healthier to do so. Is this possible? And then you can be together at the weekend

my mums gp actually told her to sleep separately from my dad as neither were getting the sleep they needed

the other option is a different sort of alarm that you can hear / feel but he doesn’t

Tell him to get stuffed. Or he can sleep in a different room if it bothers him so much. Set your alarm for when you need to.

Don’t let a man tell you what you can and can’t do.

😂😂 The fuck would I allow someone else to tell me when to set an alarm.

Reading again he’s out of the house for 7.30….

he should be up earlier anyway. Does he not shower? Or wash? The scruff.

Absolutely ridiculous behaviour from him. Very controlling, you need to get up when you need to get up, end of discussion. The fact he moved out over this before says it all. I don’t think this sounds like the best relationship for you to be in, if he makes a big deal out of something so small, what’s next?

It's your house. I'd do what suits me and if that's getting up at 6:30 then so be it.

Alternatively you could offer a compromise of you BOTH getting up at 6:45 and he helps with getting HIS daughter ready.