Partner doesn’t want me to set my alarm earlier than his

There is no way that anyone would ever tell me when I can and can’t set my alarm.

He’s not your parent.

I think I would laugh in someone’s face if they tried telling me I couldn’t set my alarm at a certain time.

He will leave his family because he would rather HIS DD was late for school than "allow" his DP to set a 6.30am alarm?

Next time he goes dont let him back. He doesnt love either of you enough.

Separate bedrooms OR separate houses OR separate lives. No other way.

It’s 6.30 in the morning. Not 4.30

he needs to be up anyway

Hes unreasonable.

He moved in your home and you have an alarm to get Dd to school. You need to be up at 6.30am so thats when the alarm is set. If hes willing to leave over a 30min alarm he doesnt like you enough and he should leave.

You shouldnt need his permission to set your alarm, you shouldn't have to "ask" he could wear earphones, he could get up, he could ask if you get up at 6.30 with her would you make the morning teas and drink his in bed, he could sleep in a spare room. Your daughters schooling is a priority over his mood.

She also doesnt deserve the instability of him coming and going based on whether you do as your told over an alarm. Tell him next time he leaves, understand he wont be coming back. Its his choice to go but yours to have him back.

Your DD needs to be at school, on time.

Set the alarm at the time that makes this happen.

Your DP sounds a controlling, selfish, dick.

I hate alarms but they're a necessary evil. Ultimately the whole point is to wake you up. Vibrating alarms are too gentle for me I think as I always go straight back to sleep when it's vibration only.

For the sake of half an hour I don't think the OP needs to be changing anything she is doing to accommodate him. He's clearly getting up and dealing with himself only. She's dealing with herself and a child who needs support. One of them needs to take priority and it's not the greeting whingebag partner.

I missed that he's her actual father. I can't say I have a good impression of him. The needs of the OP and the child don't seem to feature anywhere here. It seems obvious that either he shuts the fuck up, or he gets up at the same time and participates in the morning routine.

YABU - You need to set it earlier, so set it. He is a grown man; he will need to deal with it. It's part of being a parent and an adult.

Please, for your own sake, stop asking his permission. You are also an adult and a parent, you do want you need to do to get your child ready for school on time.

I think it would be a good idea for the child’s FATHER to get out of bed and HELP get HIS child ready for school, rather than moaning that his partner is waking him up when she does it on her own every single day.

But would you be expecting to sleep for an extra half hour while he gets your children ready for school on his own though? Because that’s what’s happening here, so it’s a bit different…

Set your alarm for 6:30am. Let him do as he will.

I would have no problem with my husband setting an early alarm BUT if he set more than one, pressed snooze or let it go on too long I would disembowel him.

Separate houses would be even better!

You don't ask him when you can set your alarm you just set it for whenever you like and if you feel you need to wake earlier so you're not late then do it. He is not the boss of you. What's stopping him getting up and you both supporting your daughter. If he threatens to leave let him, I'd happily open the door for him, he's making your life more difficult than it needs to be,

WOW! This is a new form of controlling I've not seen and I thought I'd seen them all on here. If you need to get up at 6:30 to get your day to run right then of course you set your alarm for then. Maybe get a vibrating one that buzzes under your pillow to limit disturbance to him?

Wow, only just saw this. He’s her dad? Maybe he should get up at 6.30 and help get her ready instead of leaving it all to you.

Get rid of this loser.

I can't bear alarms, no matter how gentle the sound. They wake me with a suddeness that sets off a migraine.

One of DC loves an alarm. And without it sleep carries on till kingdom come. I couldn't refuse DC having an alarm. We reached a compromise that works for us.

But your DP sounds quite controlling and kinda mean spirited. Have you both tried reaching a compromise?

Dunno why it posted twice 🤔 sorry!

I think separate bedrooms may be a good option

This makes this even worse. He should also be helping get her out of the house. The fact he only gets up at 7 to leave at 7. 30 suggests he literally only thinks of himself, rolls out of bed showers and cleans his teeth and dresses and goes, why is he not pitching in more?

Hi OP 👋
Just read your two posts 💕

Could you compromise and set it up for 0645am? Or do you need more time? I personally need more time, so I agree with most posters who say you should set it for when you need to. 💯
However if you're like me, I tend to hit the snooze button, which annoys my hubby no end. 😬

I personally found, if I get all the things I need for me and my DS ready the night before, then I'm not scrambling around in the morning. It is a bit faff, but honestly it helps me to calm down a bit, so I'm not awake half the night (I overthink and worry I will over sleep which ironically keeps me awake, possibly undiagnosed ADHD too) 🤦🏻‍♀️

I usually get his clothes (uniform) underwear, socks, and shoes in a small pile, along with his hair gel tub, hairbrush and even toothpaste and toothbrush in a plastic cup! 😆 Then I do the same for myself, that way, I don't waste time in the morning looking for stuff, as it just stresses me out. 😇

My fella usually feeds our DS breakfast before he leaves for work. We tag team in the morning, so it's not all on me 🙃

Set the alarm for the time you need it.
Get support Off him to help of a morning.
If he doesn't like it, he can always leave.
@Daisychain67

I've just seen that he is the father, I had assumed he wasn't.

He needs to step up and do some parenting. Why should just you be getting your joint child washed, dressed, ready for school?

It's his job too.

I think on Monday he should do the morning routine while you have a lie in.

It is a bit unreasonable of him, but if it were my DH, who is wonderful in every possible way except first thing in the morning, I would try other ways so as not to disturb him. I would definitely not set an alarm at 6:30 and another at 6:45am - that’s just unkind!
If you want to get up at 6:30am I think you should slip out of bed as quickly and quietly as you can.

I'm in two minds here.

Of course you should be able to set your alarm as you need.

At the same time, it's polite if the one who has their alarm first tries to minimise the disturbance to the second partner - and the alarm going of several times, being snoozed, taking ages to be quited and so on would be extremely annoying.

(For the record, I'm guilty of that snoozing, but I'm getting up later than my partner. If I have to get up first, I'm trying to do much better - kill first alarm quickly, really get up and deactivate the second one when it's not needed)

Is there some technical solution possible? Maybe your first alarm being watches vibration, so if it manages to wake you up, you can get up quietly and deactivate the loud one?