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Original poster

Partner doesn’t want me to set my alarm earlier than his

231 replies

Daisychain67 · 02/01/2026 00:50

We have an 8yo, and as he sets off for work at around 7.30, I get her ready for school.
She and I both have ADHD and mild autism and it can be quite hectic in the morning as she struggles to get herself dressed and can’t stay still and we end up all over the house when I’m getting her dressed, brushing teeth and hair etc. this can take up to an hour, plus I have to get myself ready and often forget things in the panic.

My partner moved in around 4 years ago and since then he has told me he doesn’t want me setting my alarm before his alarm. He sets his for 7am.

As I have ADHD, I struggle to sleep and struggle to wake up, so have to set 2 alarms in the morning to make sure I’m awake. I have been setting my alarm for 7am and 7:15am, but I have explained to him that I am struggling to get the both of us ready on time for school and we are at least 10 mins late every single day.

I have asked him if I can set my alarm for 6.30am as I want to get up before I wake our daughter so that I can half an hour to get myself ready. He has said he doesn’t want me to do this as I will wake him up and he won’t be able to get back to sleep. He has previously moved out for a few weeks before because I set my alarm and woke him up.

Is he being unreasonable or would you be annoyed if you were in his position? I will feel bad for waking him up but do not want to keep being late for school and rushing around

OP posts:
Soashamed60 · 02/01/2026 01:01

Put your dc first and get up at the time you need to be up and ready on time. He shouldn't be dictating to you your morning routine. If he needs that extra half hour sleep in the morning tell him to go to bed half an hour earlier.
I hope you're not including getting his breakfast or making his lunch in your morning routine, thus adding to your morning stress too.

OrangeSlices998 · 02/01/2026 01:01

You’re a grown woman! Get up at the time you need to that benefits you and your daughter, you don’t need the man’s permission to do so! If it disturbs him then a compromise, 0645, for example?

RosesAndHellebores · 02/01/2026 00:58

YANBU but he is vvvvvvvvvvvu.
he doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

PermanentTemporary · 02/01/2026 00:56

I think you need to get up at the time that works for you, but the two alarms thing would upset me. I used to get SO angry at Dh hitting the snooze button as I find it really painful to wake up. Could you work on sleep? Is there another way to manage a single alarm?

Or more simply, could you just sleep apart?

usedtobeaylis · 02/01/2026 00:54

Set your alarm for when you need to get up. It is not for him to tell you otherwise. He sounds controlling and detrimental to your life and he shouldn't be living with you if that's the case.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/01/2026 00:52

I think it sounds like this man is far too controlling to be living with you. If you need to get up at 6.30, that’s when you need to get up.

I would let him move out.