DH told me “there’s no point in crying” after seizure

@Likelysmike clearly in sickness and in health doesn’t apply your your “h”
He happy to take from a marriage when it’s good but not out in or be there when you need him.
Has all your marriage been focused around him ?

Id be scared to stay with someone like this if my health was deteriorating .

I split with my ex cos he was so so shit and hostile when I was unwell, and I really think I did the right thing. However, about two years later I was diagnosed with cancer and despite us still being split up he has been my main source of support, he has travelled many miles to care for me every time I’ve had to have chemo, staying with me and my son/his stepson.
He just couldn’t cope when we were together, he was overwhelmed and when challenges he ran away or he lashed out. I guess what I’m saying, is you’re right to tell him to fuck right off at the moment, but it is possible in my experience that he will realise what a twat he is being and actually sort it out. Love is action not words, just deal with caring for yourself and taking no shit for now.

Your husband's reaction may be because he's scared and doesn't know how to deal with the fact you potentially could have a neurological disorder. However, his attitude stinks, the lack of empathy and care is awful. Of course you're scared and of course you're going to cry. The unknown is bloody scary. Have you spoken to him regarding his attitude? His life might have been put on hold for 2 weeks, but what does he think has happened to yours??? He needs to step up and start supporting you, after all you are his wife and he married you. How is he normally in a crisis? Unfortunately some men run a mile when life starts getting tough, they just don't want the responsibility. Only you know, which category your husband falls into. My husband is amazing in a crisis, level-headed, calm, logical and there with bucket loads of support.
Edit: Just read your updates OP, scrap my post. Your husband is a bastard, and needs a metaphorical kick up the arse for being a piece of uncaring shit!

Wow, he’s quite the self-centred prick, isn’t he?

Relieved to read your update 💛

My God. What is he usually like when you’re ill?

His behaviour is just disgusting. I’m glad you have supportive family and that his mum is supportive.

He’s being awful. I’m not surprised you feel you can’t get past his behaviour.

Sending you all good wishes. I hope you find out soon what the issue is. 💐

Babe, I'm so incredibly sorry about your seizures. I hope you and the medics find a way of dealing with the soon, and I really do hope you get better.

You have a genuine reason for crying and being upset.

As for that self-obsessed arsehole, dump him in the bin where he belongs, kick him out and file for divorce. He's a vile cunt.

Is there a back story like you often have new illnesses and ruin occasions? If not, he’s a massive prick and needs to leave!

Maybe I wasnt very clear.

I didnt mean "stop crying" or "why are you crying?". I meant I'd be along the lines of "well there is no point in crying so how can we fix or or deal with it? What do I need to do?" not "there's no point in crying, what's for tea?".

I'm a "fixer". I have had to learn to ask "do you want help with this or do you want a sympathetic ear?". I automatically try to solve things. That is my caring response. If I dont do that for you and just make "aww" noises, then actually that means I dont care.

You are right that I'm not great emotionally but I show I care in other, quieter ways.

I‘M glad your mum is coming to get you, and that his mum has read him the riot act.

Do not even consider going back home until you feel your husband understands what he needs to do and is able to do it. If he cannot get past this manchild bullshit, then he needs to move out so you and the kids get on with your lives.

Crying is an absolutely normal response to a seizure. Not just a normal emotional response - an actual documented physical response too. Anyone that dismisses tears for any reason is an utter cunt, but it’s a special kind of heartless brainless stupid on top to not understand why someone would cry after a seizure. I’m not sure I could get past it, regardless of any remorse or change he shows. He’s shown you who he really is - a selfish brainless cunt.

Much love to you. I hope the seizures are controllable in time x

He’s an absolute twat OP and I’m so sorry. My DH had two seizures out of the blue during lockdown and I cannot imagine ever saying anything like that to him. A few years later I was diagnosed with cancer, we had a 4 month old baby at the time and I was in and out of hospital having surgeries/chemo etc which was hard on all of us as we have no family support nearby - yet DH was nothing but loving and supportive (despite being “scared shitless” as he later put it) so even if your DH is struggling to deal with his emotions it’s no excuse for his behaviour.

@Likelysmike , glad your mum is being supportive, you are doing the right thing taking DC to hers. Rest as much as possible. Sounds like his mum has the measure of him too, so that’s good.

What is he usually like? Not that it matters but he sounds like a narcissist.

Your husband is, for want of a better word, a cunt

Don’t leave the kids with him. He goes to sleep for 3 hours in the day when they have a 5yo, ie not safe.

Op rest up today - please try to sleep. Your DH’s behaviour is shameful.

You know what, mad as this theory sounds, I agree with it – I think you should ask hospital/GP for a toxicology test.

Start planning..it’s an appalling way to behave - abusive and without character.

There is NO excuse. Please don’t accept this for your life..it won’t stop and this is a warning to act on.

Hoping your health issues are resolved swiftly and you flourish going forward 💐💐💐

(Childhood epilepsy (me) and colleagues with epilepsy all living happy full lives)

I would be thinking he’s poisoning me or spring something to cause the seizures given they have started out of the blue and his awful m, uncaring and callous attitude towards you.

That man does not love and cherish you which are the two basic requisites of a good marriage.

Yes I would divorce him and I would ask to be tested for poisoning.

I have a few family members with epilepsy and a nephew not long diagnosed. Its very scary at any age and definitely something thats made worse by lack of sleep and stress.
In sickness and health a partner should unconditional support and love you .
If you cant trust that he will be there for you when you are sick then what's the point of him at all .
He also shouldnt be forced by his mum . Thats not the same at all. She raised a selfish man.

So sorry you have to deal with your ‘D’ H being such an arse like this on top of the worry of your seizures.
My DD has epilepsy and every time she has a seizure I’m in bits, I can’t imagine someone being so heartless and not being concerned. Seizures can be life threatening 😞
All the best with your health, OP.

OP, I'm so sorry but he really is scum.
Stick with your parents and stay away from him.
Stress will not help you.
Hopefully your situation will stabilise and you will move forward.
Never allow that prick near your life again.
Let this be a huge wake up call.

He's an absolute bastard. I am aghast at this man's selfishness!

Please please leave as soon as you able to.

My daughter is still struggling with the after effects of a seizure she had Christmas Eve.

She's been saying that she can't get off to sleep since it happened.

She's a single mother of three primary school aged children and her youngest has epilepsy.

She sent me a link to an app which will (hopefully) alert me if she has signs of another episode. I'm anxious for the grandchildren.

I am glad that you are with your mum.

Tiredness appears to be a trigger for both DGS (mostly night seizures) and DD - it can be a vicious cycle.

Agree.

Go to your parents but leave the children with him for now to sort them. Lazy arsehole

stop inconveniencing him

change that phrase to him "not coping"

I can see you're falling apart at the first sign of an illness, you can't cope with a series illness, so I need someone to be solid for me - ill go home to mum.