to ask my mum to take the kids to hers for a few hours

My mum lives 5-10 mins drive away and helps us out all the time. It’s not all a one way relationship either my eldest is now 7 and they enjoy being around eachother.
We also help Mum out and will need to do so increasingly as she ages. I hope that Mum will be with us a long time and intend that my children participate I’m caring for her as she has for them.

Why can't the decorations be taken down at the weekend or evening and he or you can do the tip trips then?

Perhaps my expectations are very different because my parents are fairly hands off and live over an hour away and dh's mum now has dementia, but it wouldn't occur to me to ask for help in this situation. Is it usual in your set-up?

She did say yes to going over to yours. If you feel she's treating you differently re not allowing your DC in her house, have you asked her about this?

Oh come on, it's much easier to do it without the kids around, getting everything back out!

No. OP, it's not a crime for your parents to help out from time to time and it's extremely odd that your children don't go to their grandmother's house.

I don’t know why everyone’s being so mean to you OP. It’s a perfectly normal thing for children to spend time with their grandparents regardless of the reason. If I said to my mum that I could really do with a day at home to get everything sorted out after Christmas and do some tips runs etc, she would immediately start planning fun stuff for her to do with the kids and it wouldn’t be at my house!
Some grandparents actually want to spend time with their grandchildren and do it for fun, not just for the “free childcare” everyone is so obsessed with on here. I’m sorry you don’t have a mum that wants to welcome her grandchildren into her home or even take them out for the day. It’s a bit shit.

People are becoming obsessed with the tree thing. I don’t think anyone is entitled to a village, nor do I agree with the view that parents need a break so grandparents should facilitate this.

But this thread feels like a pile on on the OP. It seems her mother was at Christmas hosted by this couple which is a big effort so it’s hardly that big a deal that she watches the kids while he cleans up.

And the younger one is only 3. Needing to be supervised at 3 doesn’t make him a brat.

And it is very unusual for a grandparent to never have grandchildren in her house. I’ve never heard of it.

The OP is here demanding that grandma watch kids 5 days a week so she can save nursery fees in which case all this “entitled” language might be merited.

one of my kids is going to my mums house this morning - I am dropping him off at 8am so I can go and watch my other kid play in a football tournament. They are then both going round there tomorrow morning so I can do exactly what your husband wants to do, take down Christmas, declutter etc. however my MIL in like your mum, my eldest is 9 and has probably been to her house less than 10 times. My 4 year old has been on three occasions that I can remember

But in your OP, you said

I have more room than she does and all their toys are at home etc so she finds it easier to visit them there.

It’s good you haven’t upset your mum. No harm done by asking of course, as long as her response is respected.

Have you taught your child how to behave in someone else’s home? To remove shoes, not jump on their furniture, not help themselves, keep out of adult bedrooms, be careful of ornaments, candles, etc? I’m stunned at how little awareness and respect some young children have, and they are very capable of learning if consistently taught to.

She’s helping a friend who might have cancer! Seriously!!

We've had childcare from family on five occasions ever (because of distance and age). Eldest is now 16. Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Why can’t he tell the kids no - go and play with granny, daddy’s busy. No you can’t come in the loft it’s not safe up here. No, daddy’s going to the tip, you stay here with granny and watch the film, I won’t be long.

absolutely zero reason why your mum can’t have them at your house

The comments here are appalling. It’s completely normal for families to help each other out and calling someone a brat for asking their own mum to help is ridiculous.
Families would have thought nothing of this 30 years ago and it’s so sad society doesn’t value extended family anymore.

Not having your own grandkids to the house is odd. Im with you OP. And the people taking Christmas decorations down in half an hour must have a crap display- it took me hours!!

Mine does sometimes yes, I'm very lucky - but in not in this situation where one of the parents is at home! If I called to ask for childcare for that shed laugh in my face and ask why can't DH have them? And rightly so!

One child is easier to look after than two

Well I think it’s odd never to have dgc at your house. Especially if you let another dgc come over.
Putting the tree up and taking it down again is a pain, I’d rather do it without any kids about.
Hope your friend gets good news.

Harsh, that.

I would never ask my mum to babysit if me and DP were both off work! You and your husband are entitled. You don’t have to go to the hospital and your DH doesn’t need to sort the attic today.

It sounds as though you expect your mum to fit in with your plans but are miffed that she also has plans and boundaries. Mums have rights too.

The replies on this thread are ridiculous.

Makes me wonder what on earth goes on in other people’s families. Sometimes family members need a helping hand, even though they could get on with things themselves. Just like the friend could go to the hospital on her own, but a helping hand makes life a little bit easier. No, no one owes anybody anything….but that doesn’t make for a happy family does it?

It’s not normal for a GP to refuse to have DGC over. I understand if the DC make mess etc, but in that case, clear rules on now they must behave at GPs must be set out. That’s not difficult.

And for those going on about ‘sticking to boundaries etc. Then OP, I’m sure you can do the same- don’t invite her round to your house. Both act ridiculous. She would realise, everyone sticking to boundaries creates division. She had the luxury of sticking to hers, because you’re happy to invite her into your home.

But playing childish games won’t get you anywhere. You need to be clear for this relationship to work, she needs to open her home as a GP and you as a parent, need to set out to your DC how to behave and respect people’s homes. On collection of the kids, you need to help the kids tidy any mess made and thank their GP for having them. In turn, your door is open to her and be ready to help with any favours she may ask of you.

Nip it on the bud now, because as she ages, she will need more and more help and you don’t want to resent her for it or worse…feel you can qualify the help, in the way she had done with you, making it awkward for everybody involved.

i imagine the mum edit
that is sad op
does she understand the whole issue?

Tough one this.

i probably get both of your points here, so I don’t think either are being totally reasonable or unreasonable.

on balance I don’t think your mum is being unreasonable as she’s offered to look after them, just not at her house. I don’t think you’re unreasonable to auggest you’d rather give your husband some space and not have a load of mess at your home

I don’t know about this favoured grandchild thing. It sounds like a compromise your mum would rather not make, but has to. Also, one kid is a lot different to two.

overall I’d accept the help, moan to your husband a bit, but let it lie

I reckon it’s because your kids are ‘boisterous’ and will trash her house.
Don’t blame her tbh

OMG what's wrong with you? OP has remained polite and measured on this thread, despite dealing with the most ridiculous hyperbolic comments.

Where the actual fuck has OP said that she wants her mum to look after her children at her house regularly so that she can put her feet up? This is a specific scenario where it would be more helpful if OP's mum would agree to look after OP's children at her own house, just this once. She does it for her other grandchild regularly.

OP could quite reasonably tell her mum that she is fed up with doing all the hosting at Christmas and on other occasions, so won't be inviting her mum any more as it's too much work and it messes her house up. She obviously wouldn't do that because she sounds like a decent and loving daughter who is just a bit taken aback that her mum refused to look after OP's children for a couple of hours in her home.

@LaylaSun77 Sorry about what posters are saying here. Irl it's completely normal to ask your mother to do you a favour and she's weird for not wanting the boys ar hers. I would ask her straight out why not. Next time she asks you for a favour you put up ridiculous conditions as well- I'm pettty like that😁

It is a little odd but your comment that all boys are boisterous, it is a bit of a red flag, as no, they aren’t.

does she find it too much at her house? We have had friends to play that I am very glad when they leave ie jumping on the beds, sofa (I can’t afford to replace these items if they break them) and it annoys me having to tell them to behave in someone else’s home, some kids are feral.

be honest with yourself, do your kids do this? If so that might be why.

i can see the other side of the coin though, that if she’d had them at hers regularly and set ground rules your kids should’ve been well behaved and fun for her to have. I would certainly hope I have my grand children round lots when I’m older.

in regard to the Xmas tree request, it’s both a bit odd to ask when your husband is home but also not totally left field. I think you just have to accept her help at your house. If your kids are well behaved they shouldn’t leave the house a mess anyway