to ask my mum to take the kids to hers for a few hours

did you read that the ops mum has the other gc over at hers? And that she leaves a huge mess at the ops house? My mum helps to help- she has the dc at her house, and she offered to have them before Christmas while dh and I were BOTH on leave so we could get stuff done. The ops thinking sounds perfectly reasonable and I’d stop inviting my mum over for a while; say with a straight face it’s always a huge mess when you come play with the boys, life is a bit full on right now to handle extra huge messes, it’s actually easier to not ask for help, and I feel really odd about having you around when you won’t have us around but you do have sister and her kid, anyway I have to go, perhaps you could phone favorite gc and chat to them.
Be straight up and honest.

But no-one has said it was strange, the poster’s assertion I was responding to,

OP, I get it. In my case my two sons were not banned from the GP house. However, it was so incredibly child unfriendly that we had to stop going. The piece de resistance was the glass coffee table in the lounge which toddler boys were determined to smash to smithereens (eg enacting a car crash on it with toy cars). My olds were keen to point out that their great nieces (grandchildren of my dad’s brother) sat nicely and played quietly with no danger to glass tables. My toddler boys did not! They were just too fucking boisterous for a house that wasn’t childproof. For context, they are now distinctly normal teens but they were a whirlwind as small children. I suspect yours are the same and you maybe don’t realise. The other grandchild might be more of the play nicely and quietly variety.

I have very fond memories of going to my grandfather’s house, my Nan died while I was still young, and we all lived together.
We were allowed gherkin sandwiches and choc ice and chips.

You're getting very strange responses here, OP.

There are the usual responses you get late at night tbf

Literally many have said she’s entitled. Weird set ups these people have imo

It’s entitled for a gc to see their gps house, whatever next!

The OP has explained multiple times why this won’t work. If you’ve ever helped someone out looking after their children when the parents are there or watched someone else do it they just default to the parents, especially if the person looking after them isn’t wholeheartedly doing the task. I’m sure the dad doing the chores would be much more interesting.

It’s not like the OP asks her on a weekly basis or even a monthly or annual one. Obviously the mother doesn’t have to be supportive. She can choose to prioritise the OP’s sibling and look after her child and not the OP’s. But the OP is perfectly reasonable to find that a bit hurtful and unfair.

I’m not sure if you never ask anyone a favour or never do one for anyone else, or if you do you only do it in such a way that it doesn’t put you out much or help the other person but it’s not a kind or generous way to live your life.

Was waiting for a normal response! 😆

You're getting very strange responses here, OP.
Of course YANBU.
Going to granny's house should be a normal occurrence and most people have fond memories of spending time at their grandparents' when they were little.

What’s a 3 year old going to do for 3-4 hours with no toys?

Literally many have said she’s entitled. Weird set ups these people have imo.

It’s weird her mum said no though.

we dont have my grandchildren at ours, unless they are teens, its so much easier to have them in their own homes where all their toys are

Literally no-one has said the OP’s request was strange.

I’m on your side here OP. Sad for all these posters who have no family support. My mum loves having my DC and would have offered to have her so we could get bits done at home, but that’s the type of grandparent she is. I’d be very sad if my mum had never had the kids to her house.

I’t’s not weird to ask but it is acting spoilt to not accept the other persons point of view. I wouldn’t want to have kids cone over to my house if I didn’t have toys etc to entertain them.. I’ve also hosted play dates for 3 year old and had wee /puke accidents , sometimes both. I can see the reluctance when there’s another option

Entitled. Nowt as queer as folk.

She asked a favour. I don’t know why people on here think this is a strange thing to ask your own mum.

Sorry but yabu, you’re asking a favour and she is essentially doing free babysitting … so she is already helping you out, which you don’t seem to acknowledge.
sone grandparents would rather do it in their home so they don’t have to move but for whatever reason she prefers yours ( possibly the toys being there, possibly because she’s worried the boys might destroy things)
the point is she is helping ! You told an earlier poster you are going to leave the offer, which very much sounds like cutting offf your nose to spite your face

I think you’re missing the point

it was in reference to the idea that the poster needn’t go to hospital full stop. Rather than the wider thread

But the father is not

I don’t see it as an issue at all.

id see an issue if she had no interest in looking after the kids. I’d didn’t want to help her daughter.

The location thing is neither here nor there

I’m a little bit sad at these replies. My mum would have all her grandkids over in a minute, even though she has anxiety etc. and loves her house clean and tidy. Of course grandparents should not be abused, but this is the kind of grandparent I want to be one day. @LaylaSun77 I would say on this occasion, as you need the help, I would let her come to yours, but it is definitely a wider issue.

Nasty!

I think your boys are harder work than you are willing to admit.

You want your mum to take them away for a few hours to watch a movie at her house, but:

• You say if she were to watch to them at their own home with their father in a different room, they would run around following him, suggesting that she cannot control them whenever they think of something more fun to do. You also suggest she cannot watch them when their dad runs to the tip because they will want to come too and there is no room - again, why can't she keep them under control in one room doing fun things with their grandmother?

• You say she prefers to look after them in their own home where they have their own things. At no point has the solution been for her to come over and take them out locally to the park or cinema - I would suggest it's because she doesn't feel comfortable being able to control them in public. To be fair, young boys can zip around and run off, and it can feel impossible looking after one, let alone two, unless they're tied to you with reins. You say your DH has a health condition that makes him feel fatigued - fair enough. But your mum is probably a couple of decades plus older than you, and she probably also doesn't have the energy to sprint after two small boys running away in different directions.

• You say that they can create chaos and that she has refurnished her house, and make the remark that homes are to be lived in. That suggests you think it's perfectly fine if something gets a small mark or a tiny bit of something gets broken off. You have to have that point of view because you have two small boys - she doesn't. It is OK for people who do not currently have small children of their own to want nice things!

I think you should accept not everyone finds your boys as easy as you do at this age. It's not a criticism of them or your parenting skills - young boys are usually hard work and have so much energy to burn off!

Frankly, it's a good thing that you find them such a joy to be around as you are their mum, and and you should feel that way. If you expect anyone else to feel exactly the same way you do about your own kids, you'll always be disappointed in life. Let other people have their own boundaries and respect that - you'll probably then find that as your boys grow up and calm down a bit, those boundaries will shift, and they'll be happier about spending more time with your boys and in different locations.

FWIW, I can't remember anything about being that age. You might remember your sons never spent time at their grandmother's house. They probably won't. They'll just remember the most recent time they spent together. Leave the relationship to grow at its own pace.

Finally - wishing nothing but good news to your friend. What a horribly scary thing to go through, and over Christmas as well - I hope she gets good results.