Have I overstepped here and what do I do

I think this is your best option. I honestly don’t know how you can help her and it sounds as though it’s wearing you down

So by telling you he wants you to join in, she's testing the waters to see if you'll agree?

@AirheadMonent count your blessings that they are virtual ‘relationships’. The most depressing thing about the whole thing for us is to see how many of these men are out there. It has been mindblowing. How many are perfectly fine to exploit obvious vulnerability for kicks. I know maybe I was naive but it has been an awful awful eye opener. They are essentially groomers and abusers. The sad thing is that there’s nothing you can do. There is no help. I’ve looked for it. She won’t make complaints against these men even when they’re stealing from her or taking her MH medication. So what help is there? But it’s OK because she’s
an adult! And she’s consenting! And she’s not complaining!!!!! Honestly, people are so stupid.

When you say he wanted you to join in, how do you know this?

It seems your friend told you. How did she tell you, was she disgusted or hoping you would do so?

What was your reaction to her? Did you tell her that she was being exploited and that you were going to tell the police and shame him on social media? Did you tell her how concerned, worried and upset you are?

How did she react to that?

Tell her what you have done and be guided by her reaction.

Well lets hope the daughter accepts that! If not, what will you do?

You really haven't thought this through have you?

Not just your friend who lacks boundaries.

@AirheadMonent This is such a difficult scenario. I have experience of this with a close relative with lifelong MH problems and physical health problems. No boundaries. Wanting attention. It is heartbreaking as the weirdos seem to sense her a mile off. She gives them money, puts herself in dangerous situations, has been exposed to awful things. She’s been videoed and put online and young family members have come across the videos. It brings untold misery to everyone including herself but ya know, it’s ok because she’s an adult. I find it so patronising when people say- oh, she’s consenting. Consent is a highly complicated and nuanced thing that requires social/ interpersonal skills not just saying ‘yes’ She can’t live alone because she might leave the oven on but she can have a sexual relationship? We’ve all got to watch her being abused essentially and then go to the police if something happens and then start again. It is a horrific cycle of sadness and worry. I don’t think people have an idea of what its like if you haven’t been through it.

So do you!

Nothing to do with you!

You'd tear a family apart from the sake of your friend?

It’s understandable you want to protect your friend and this man sounds awful but truthfully I don’t think there’s anything you can do about it.

I'd be finding his address and go showing his dw the messages...

Views mean opinions 🙄

An adult man and an adult woman are consensually sexting each other. The adult man is married. That, in some peoples opinion, is morally repugnant. But it isnt illegal. His wife may know what he does and may be happy not to have to service him sexually. Why would an adult daughter want to know the sordid details of their parents sex life?
Why are you so invested in this? Are you the new Mary Whitehouse?

You have massively overstepped here @AirheadMonent
Maybe your friend doesn't want saving?
You're coming across quite sanctimoniously.

It sounds to me like you wanted to play the big saviour, wading in and taking control - only you had no clue what to do with the information once you’d got it. Perhaps your friend isn’t the only one who needs to be a bit more aware of the consequences of their actions.

So are you genuinely saying this person cannot simply block him from their phone?

Just, no! Why would anyone think its ok to involve the daughter in this??

There's no way the daughter will leave it at that.

Who is the woman to you? Is she a relative?
Does she have learning disabilities?
Does she consent to the sexual stuff?
Does she reciprocate?
If she has capacity and hasnt made a complaint there isnt anything you can do except keep your nose out im afraid

I would say something like:

'I'm trying to get in touch with him regarding his relationship with a friend of mine. Could you ask him to contact me?'

That way his daughter is spared the more sordid details but maybe his poor wife will have the opportunity to learn what he's like and get out.

Why are the replies insane ? It’s 2 consenting adults sending and receiving sexual messages. Yes he’s a sleazebag as he’s married. But the friend isn’t vulnerable nor is she a victim. She’s made the choice to keep communicating. The op should never have gone to the police or posted on FB. This is absolutely nothing to do with her.

The word ‘vulnerable’ has been so overused and inappropriately used for so long that it’s essentially meaningless now, and this is a great example of that. The op doesn’t describe someone who has an intellectual disability or a severe mental illness that would make them truly vulnerable within the original meaning of that. She talks about her friend having ‘depression over relationships’ and ‘having meltdowns’ when they end… given the way the op has blown things out of proportion and acted over this, I suspect the friends ‘depression’ and ‘meltdowns’ are not wildly dissimilar to many others reactions to relationships ending.

OP needs to learn that her disapproval does not mean the friend is lacking in capacity or is being exploited, and her friend is entitled to choose who to have sexual contact with. It doesn’t have to be love and roses, some people prefer to have different kinds of sexual contact, lots of people send explicit videos and engage in sexting. It’s her friends choice, and the op doesn’t need to approve of it.

Posting on fb with a vague ‘does anyone know…’ post and now panicking because his family member has contacted her was meddling, interfering and massively intrusive. It was entirely predictable that a family member might see it and contact her, so I’m not sure what op was expecting when she posted or why she is now handwringing and not sure what to do. It was monumentally stupid to post and not consider the potential consequences of such a post.

And as for contacting the police…words fail me!

I agree with this. Being concerned was one thing but literally what did you expect when you posted on SM? Someone who knows him- which I believe you wanted to be the outcome- has contacted you, its his daughter. There was always a strong chance it would be a relative! Now you're concerned about what to say to her. Its a case of be careful what you wish for. Most people in the daughters situation will push for an answer, I know I would, because they want to know why you are publicly asking questions about their parent. Concerns aside, removing post after notwithstanding, this was a bad idea.

What do YOU think OP should do?