Have I overstepped here and what do I do

Yeah I’ve never been asked by ASG to communicate there’s even been a referral let alone by who. To put the burden on the concerned party would mean many would be put off. Maybe it’s different in your experience because of your professional capacity.

OP only just stated them because she's trying to make herself look better

The adult safeguarding team at the council, one of their examples of abuse is:
Self- neglect: this covers a wide range of behaviour - neglecting to care for one’s personal hygiene, health or surroundings and includes behaviours such as hoarding.
Which could fit.

When I've dealt with them at work, if they are concerned and want to take it further, they will always ask us to inform the service user first that a discussion/referral has been made (obviously there are occasions when that would be unsafe or not possible) I know in this scenario there is no service user and it is a friend.

Informal chat with who and which services are you referring to which function like that? In case OP takes up your advice.

I'm not schooling you on anything, its a discussion forum and we're adults. You said there could be vulnerabilities or they could be lazy, and I agree, there could be vulnerabilities, which, for me, would be enough for an informal chat, ie relaying the facts with no personal details.

If services took this any further and said this is something theyd like to explore and asked for a name and DOB, they would explicitly ask OP to let her friend know she had been referred.

When OP’s don’t get the answers they like…the stories get more and more dramatic!

I didn’t ask you to go into detail 🫣 I was actually saying you didn’t need to go into all the sordid detail about the house, pots, pans, toilet, laundry, horrible food, etc etc etc when you couldn’t just said ‘Vision and mobility issues mean she can’t carry about daily tasks or look after herself’. Or something. Whatever.

The OP, in the post I quoted her in, did in fact state the exact difficulties which led to the house being in a dirty state. Which again, is why I asked her why she didn’t just state them in the first place instead of going into gross detail about her so-called mate.
I don’t really know what you think you’re schooling or correcting me on with this?

I think thats the point... "They COULD be consequences of being vulnerable." You or i cant decide that. Hence why the poster has debated contacting services to discuss the situation.

Who decided she’s vulnerable? Being diabetic is not? Making bad relationship choices is not. And many many people are depressed. Why can’t she just block him?

But none of those descriptions point to a vulnerable person. They could be consequences of being vulnerable or of being lazy and unclean in general.
Whereas the post I quoted outlines vulnerabilities, which is why I asked why she didn’t just state them in the first place 🙄 I think you have missed the point of my post entirely.

If you don't want to speak to people who know this guy why did you post on sm if she is housebound how did these two meet I would say you def overstepped the mark and lost any moral high ground when you posted on sm you outed him and your friend I would step back and let them get on with it n stop interfering

I think the OP said that to emphasise that the lady is indeed a vulnerable adult as so many posters seem to think she is not. I think your choice of description "scruffy mare" is horrible.

Why did you not just say this instead of detailing her squalid living conditions, making her sound like a scruffy mare? Are you sure you like this woman? It sounds like you cannot stand her.

She’s not a vulnerable adult just because she makes poor choices and becomes over invested in relationships. Being diabetic with complications does not rob you of your capacity to decide to have a sexual relationship; whether it’s one you approve of or not. She’s clearly up for the attention and the dodgy videos and the naked FaceTime . She knows he’s married.
Step away from this - it’s absolutely none of your business and frankly completely bizarre that you tried to publicly out him on Facebook and are now thinking of asking his daughter to go through his phone where she can see her fathers masturbation videos!
The reason the police won’t do anything is because nothing illegal has happened. Stop infantilising your friend

Ok thanks.

What did you go to the police about in the past?

I really do think as strange as it sounds, this is her only bit of 'happiness'.

If she's into blokes wearing adult nappies, sending her their underpants and watching wanking videos, that's just her 'kink'.

As vile as it sounds, it's obviously what she enjoys and it seems to be taking her away mentally from her illness and the hovel you describe her living in.

You've mentioned twice you wonder what this guy has on his hardrive, and I'd be wondering the same about her to be honest.