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Original poster

If I can't pay for dd's boyfriend

244 replies

Fillyourdreams · 01/01/2026 22:30

Dd has been in a relationship for a couple of years now. Both are early 20's and still live with parents. As a family we go on luxury holidays every 2 - 3 yrs budget allowing. We work extremely hard and both of us do extra overtime to pay for the holidays we love.
Dd contributes a fair amount which we work out based on her current salary. Her younger sister we obviously pay for in full as she isn't yet working.
We are now looking at going long haul this summer and within our budget we can do everything we want to do.
But as time goes on I feel really bad for dd's boyfriend. I think he would like to come with us but we cannot afford to pay for him too and he is not in a financial position to pay for himself either. Nothing is booked yet and I know dd really wants to come but also.know last time we went her boyfriend struggled being left. We go for around 3 weeks.
Is it awful to leave him or should we try and save more to take him too (this would mean delaying 18 mths ish). Especially if they end up moving in together in next few months.
I hate leaving him out but for us to pay for an extra adult is really difficult. Wwyd?

OP posts:
SoapyDrama · 02/01/2026 20:14

LemaxObsessive · 02/01/2026 15:00

It doesn’t sound like you can afford the holidays you’re going on!

Are you reading a different thread?

Theimpossiblegirl · 02/01/2026 18:36

Rileysp · 02/01/2026 17:44

I think what they’re saying is that there’s an understanding they’d have to pay to bring their boyfriends along. So by not they’re 50% of the way to their own holiday together

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Yes, exactly that. Thanks.

Rileysp · 02/01/2026 17:44

Cherrytree86 · 02/01/2026 17:10

@Theimpossiblegirl

eh?! you give them extra money??

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I think what they’re saying is that there’s an understanding they’d have to pay to bring their boyfriends along. So by not they’re 50% of the way to their own holiday together

JLou08 · 02/01/2026 17:43

Seems odd to me that he struggled when she went on holiday with her family, they don't live together. Don't pay for him. If it meant that much to your DD she would decline the holiday, she may appreciate a family holiday without him but feel uncomfortable saying that.

Cherrytree86 · 02/01/2026 17:10

Theimpossiblegirl · 02/01/2026 16:51

We take our girls away and they choose not to invite their boyfriends as they can use the money they would have to pay to go on holiday with them. So my girls get 2 holidays. They're not daft. We go for 7-10 days though, as they both work and don't want to use all their leave going on holiday with us.

@Theimpossiblegirl

eh?! you give them extra money??

Theimpossiblegirl · 02/01/2026 16:51

We take our girls away and they choose not to invite their boyfriends as they can use the money they would have to pay to go on holiday with them. So my girls get 2 holidays. They're not daft. We go for 7-10 days though, as they both work and don't want to use all their leave going on holiday with us.

Rileysp · 02/01/2026 15:50

LemaxObsessive · 02/01/2026 15:00

It doesn’t sound like you can afford the holidays you’re going on!

Why?🤣🤣🤣🤣

Cherrytree86 · 02/01/2026 15:42

LemaxObsessive · 02/01/2026 15:00

It doesn’t sound like you can afford the holidays you’re going on!

@LemaxObsessive

what because she can’t afford to pay for a whole other (unrelated) adult to come too?!

MandemChickenShop · 02/01/2026 15:05

Absolutely nuts.

A bloke in his 20s can well survive if his bird goes on holiday with her parents for a few weeks.

Don't worry about it.

Tacocat2 · 02/01/2026 15:02

He can save up and pay for himself or his parents can pay. Or he stays home. Or if it is really that important to you that he comes, you choose a slightly cheaper holiday or go for 2 weeks instead of 3. There are lots of options here other than saving for another 18 months which seems stupid

LemaxObsessive · 02/01/2026 15:00

It doesn’t sound like you can afford the holidays you’re going on!

LlynTegid · 02/01/2026 14:57

Acommonreader · 02/01/2026 14:56

Absolutely! I’d consider this a red flag tbh.

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So would I, unless there were really unusual circumstances. If that were the case, I would do a lower cost holiday, perhaps nearer to home.

Acommonreader · 02/01/2026 14:56

Drind · 01/01/2026 22:35

He really shouldn’t be struggling with not going away with his girlfriend’s family in his 20s.

Absolutely! I’d consider this a red flag tbh.

IAmKerplunk · 02/01/2026 14:52

Manxexile · 02/01/2026 14:49

So your kids are freeriders?

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What a horrible thing to say. In the current climate I know plenty of parents who help out their dc and GC with holidays. My 81yr old dad does with me and my dc - he can afford it whereas I can’t.

Manxexile · 02/01/2026 14:49

bumptybum · 02/01/2026 00:38

Mine would. But we spend a fortune on amazing holidays they will possibly never be able to afford

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So your kids are freeriders?

christmassytimeagain · 02/01/2026 14:06

Cherrytree86 · 02/01/2026 12:21

You either all go including the boyfriend or none of you go and you just stay home. Maybe a trip to Benidorm or something where you can easily afford it plus give spending money for all.

Literally one of the most ridiculous comments ever. No boyfriend is entitled to have a paid fo holiday with their girlfriends parents

Drind · 02/01/2026 13:15

ThatGapBetweenXmasAndNewYear · 02/01/2026 02:12

Perhaps she doesn't feel that strongly about him? Or just chooses not to centre him in her life? He's not even a cohabiting partner, just someone she's currently dating. She's entitled to go on holiday with her family if she wants to and can afford it. If he hates the notion of it that much he's free to break up with her.

What am I reading?! Of course you don't need to feel bad, for not funding a luxury holiday for a grown man! You sound lovely OP, but you're definitely worrying too much - just go on your holiday without guilt. If he "struggles" with not getting a free holiday 🤨 that's also not your problem, and is frankly a ridiculous feeling for a grown adult to have.

I agree with @CantBreathe90 post bolded above, OP.

Apart from anything else, if he comes too it won't be a "family holiday", it'll be you three and them two, they'll inevitably end up just using it as an opportunity for a luxury trip for themselves and you'll barely see them. Especially if it's basically going to be a once in a lifetime opportunity because they couldn't afford it without you subbing them. So you'll have subsidised the costs and not got what you wanted from the situation (which I'm assuming is your DD1 company).

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I feel very strongly about my partner but I used the bulk of my holidays last year to go away with friends and suspect I’ll do the same this year.

Rileysp · 02/01/2026 13:02

VividPinkTraybake · 02/01/2026 12:17

Some really strange answers here.

The OP said he struggled,.suddenly everyone is saying red flag, controlling etc when my thought went to, he missed her. I've been married 8 years and would miss my husband if he left me alone for 3 weeks.

Not to say the OP should pay, just bizarre how many people go for controlling and manipulative when as far as I can see the boyfriend never said anything.

Exactly,

he struggled because it’s a new relationship, he was little limits than a kid and he was a bit uncertain.

honestly every thread on here there is some bloke who is controlling someone according to some posters

Motherbear44 · 02/01/2026 13:02

Fillyourdreams · 02/01/2026 10:07

Wasn't expecting quite so many answers! So dd works in a school. Loads of annual leave so that's not an issue. Boyfriend and her tend to go away for several weekend breaks rather than more.
Regarding our holiday if we were to bring him it would be about £4 or £5k more. He would never be able to save that much. Flights are expensive, we stay at a few different hotels and all would require an extra room. Not cheap places. Then eating out etc is expensive too.
Last time we went i know her boyfriend missed her alot. I don't think that means he's controlling he's just a softy! As am I!
He is a few years older than dd so looking for a place of his own. If dd ends up half living with him I think it'll be harder for her to go without him. But I agree it is her choice.

Context for my reply - back in 2018 my mid twenties girls asked for “one last family holiday”. It was to Alaska - a place we all had a bit of an itch to go to. Both had boyfriends.

Girls didn’t pay neither had the funds. The four of us went. Boyfriends survived. It was a really great trip. We were away for almost 3 weeks and spent about the same amount as the OP per person.

If I had included the boyfriends would they have come? Probably. Do I feel I should have included them? Absolutely not! It was our family trip.

They have gone on to have fabulous trips themselves now that they are earning decent money. Did I get invited now that I am a pensioner? Nope.

Go on your trip this summer OP. Daughter has to decide if she wants to go or if she wants to babysit her boyfriend.

Eyeshadow · 02/01/2026 13:02

Cherrytree86 · 02/01/2026 12:21

You either all go including the boyfriend or none of you go and you just stay home. Maybe a trip to Benidorm or something where you can easily afford it plus give spending money for all.

WHAT!!!!

OP and the entire family should not go on their amazing holiday because she can’t afford to pay for an extra adult to attend!!

He can see his gf when she gets home.

Why does MN have so many batshit people on it 🙈🙈

Eyeshadow · 02/01/2026 12:59

but also.know last time we went her boyfriend struggled being left.

He’s a grown adult and needs to get over it.

Its extremely unhealthy for people to have to be with each other every day and I am shocked that you are encouraging this attitude.

Yes of course they’ll miss each other but ‘struggling’ is just pathetic and so unhealthy.
They’ll see each other when she gets back home.

thisisyoursign · 02/01/2026 12:54

If your daughter would like him to come, you can suggest she shares her subsidy with him

itsthetea · 02/01/2026 12:40

if your DD and boyfriend had to contribute 1 place between them - ie each getting the holiday half price - could they manage ?

they are adults now so paying anything is a treat not a normal

IAmKerplunk · 02/01/2026 12:33

showyourquality · 02/01/2026 12:29

I’m inclined to think that your dd is causing the problems here. In my 20’s I would have absolutely been upset if my partner had left for a three week holiday with her parents on a regular basis.
Three weeks would have almost my whole holiday allowance for the year meaning that we wouldn’t have had any time left for us, as she was also paying towards it she wouldn’t likely have had any more money either.
It isn’t your responsibility to pay for her partner but I think your dd needs to make some hard choices about growing up.

But they will have only been together a short time when the dd went on the previous family holiday and since then they have had 2 whole years to know that another big holiday was coming so the dd and boyfriend have surely discussed it?

gamerchick · 02/01/2026 12:32

Cherrytree86 · 02/01/2026 12:21

You either all go including the boyfriend or none of you go and you just stay home. Maybe a trip to Benidorm or something where you can easily afford it plus give spending money for all.

Why should they?

Some weird posts.on this thread. If you can afford to pay for adult randoms then you should miss out?

Wtf dudes...